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jasonpaulcollum
Reviews
La monja (2005)
ain't got NUN
So you know when you're TOTALLY into a movie because the trailer was really good and the movie actually seems to be living up to what the trailer promised...and you're freaked out because it's genuinely creepy and impressed because it's kind of a way cooler movie than you'd expect to see in a direct to DVD movie these days and so you just can't wait for the climax because you need that pay-off... and then the thing goes limp in the last 10 minutes and there's no climax or rendering of where entire the story just went wrong...so you're totally let down and kinda peeved off...? That's what THE NUN did for me last night....
Everything Brian Yuzna (producer) touches lately seems to just end...not conclude...it just stops with some illogical reason for all the cool shite that just took up 90 minutes of your life....
Cool Fx. Decent acting. Moody. Scary at times. Sexy. Then it sucks at the end.
Tales from the Darkside: Inside the Closet (1984)
One of TV's Scarriest Moments!
This episode has got to be one of the scariest in television history, ranking with the TV movie TRILOGY OF TERROR (1975) and the original TWILIGHT ZONE episode of "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet." In "Inside the Closet," Roberta Weiss plays a college student who takes a room at a creepy old house because all other rooms on campus are filled. In her room is a little closet door which at first won't open, but then as the story progresses, begins to seemingly unlock itself and each time she finds new items inside.
Each time she enters the closet what she finds only grows in creepiness, then one night something comes out of the closet and scrambles under her bed. As the camera pans down, all we see are two red eyes. It may seem cheesy now, but at the time this was absolutely terrifying to me! When she ultimately discovers exactly WHAT is living in the closet you're skin will crawl and, if you're like me, your hands will immediately cover your eyes!
Lead Weiss is perfect in her role of innocence and plays wonderfully off the idea of a young girl away from home for the first time and the basic fears which accompany that. The monster fx by Tom Savini are among his best. Lighting and shadows and the simple single room set all add glorious amounts of atmosphere.
Easily the best episode of this wonderful series and among TV's finest terror tales ever produced.
When a Stranger Calls (2006)
Decent, but I'll stick with Carol Kane
Managed to see first show, opening day and the crowd was not all that spectacular. I've seen the original 1979 classic with larger groups of people who yelled and screamed out loud, but alas this was not the case today.
While lead actress Bella is very beautiful and does a decent job of being spooked, Carol Kane owned her role and seemed more terrified. To no fault of the actors, the '79 original terrified me, but this 2006 remake only left me a bit spooked out.
The set was fantastic, the art direction and secluded locales perfect and there were definitely times, especially during two outdoors sequences, where the white knuckle factor was raised, but even still nothing that left me with fingernail marks in my palms like WASC '79.
I think three of the main problems are that #1: The first 15 minutes of the original film is here stretched out to an hour and a half. #2: Because we never actually meet the character of the stranger, we cannot sympathize with him or understand any of his motives. He literally remains a stranger to the audience. #3: The legend of the original film, itself based on an urban myth, is already so widely know by all generations the final SHOCK isn't much of one. We know where he's calling from -- we were even told that in the trailers, and we also know that our new heroine isn't going to face any real danger until that information comes out, so what we're left with is simply waiting for her to get that infamous phone call from the police.
The only new aspects to this story are that the house seems to have a life of its own -- an idea with wonderful potential which is only hinted at fleetingly. Also, new characters have been brought into the story, but only to be used as either psycho-fodder or red herrings, and not very good ones. The fate of the children who are being babysat is also a bit of a modern-day Hollywood cop-out.
I know this all sounds negative, so I do want to point out that I wasn't bored with the movie, nor did I hate it. I simply found it to be more of an elevated TV movie of the week vs. the scare classic the original film has become. Rent the original now, then rent this remake in a few months.
Bad Movie Police Case #1: Galaxy of the Dinosaurs (2003)
Not getting the right picture
Apparently no one seems to be getting that they should be voting on the BAD MOVIE POLICE episode on this page. GALAXY OF THE DINOSAURS had its own page on IMDb.com, so reviews of that film should go there. Viewers keep commenting on how funny the episode is, but how sucky the movie in question is...which is the point. In which case it seems the purpose of the episode has been fulfilled. So please remember when voting 1-10 (and I'm not saying you HAVE to love it) to vote for any of the BAD MOVIE POLICE episodes, and NOT for GALAXY OF THE DINOSAURS or any of the other films they represent.
For some additional point of interest in the episode, watch for in-jokes on Charlie Band (on a dart board), the alien suit from the laughable sci-fi "shocker" GROOM LAKE, the "Wanted" board containing pictures of various bad b-movie makers, other posters around the police office making fun of other b-movie disasters like ZOMBIE COP, plus cameos by current b-movie folks like Tanya Dempsey, Jeff Dylan Graham and more!
Dirty Love (2005)
I wet myself I laughed so hard
This is easily the funniest movie I have seen in the last 3-4 years. At times it was predictable, at other times shocking in its brand of down-and-out "gross" humor. Jenny McCarthy pokes such amusing fun at herself, how can you not adore her? She tackles the much covered topic of "men are pigs...how do women deal with them?" but takes it to a whole new level, eschewing the typical woe-is-me stereotypes and basically putting her character, and those of her friends, into what conventionally would be the male roles. Think a more feminist version of American PIE. Twice I had to re-watch scenes because I was laughing so hard I couldn't hear the dialogue. Highly recommended to anyone who has been down in the dumps over an ex, or even just to see McCarthy strut her shameless comic talents.
M.A.D.D.: Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (1983)
Still Affective
I saw this TV movie when I was very young and it left a lasting impression on me. I remember the moment when a young girl is struck by a drunk driver as extremely graphic. In re-watching it recently, it's proof the mind is capable of creating its own scenarios. While it's not nearly as gory as I recall, it indeed still remains powerful, especially when the girl's mother (Mariette Hartley) learns of her daughters death. A convincing portrait of the pain a family endures following the violent death of a loved one. A film which should still be viewed by children and soon-to-be drivers of the horrible consequences which could result from such a careless act.
Mirror Mirror 4: Reflections (2000)
zzzzzzzz.....
As a huge fan of the original, all I can ask is "why?" Yes, MIRROR MIRROR 4 is a step up (thankfully) from the terrible Part 3, but it still doesn't excuse this installment from being so boring....Kids at a rave party -- yet there's only 5 kids? Hardly anything to rave about... The acting is decent from the lead girl and her dead boyfriend, but the rest is mostly embarrassing. And P.J. Soles literally has on screen time of less than 3 minutes... A confusing storyline. Uninteresting characters. Bad sets. Thankfully this isn't the soft-core sex romp the previous film tortured us with. The makers need to go back to the original film and make a true sequel in both story & style.
Angel 4: Undercover (1994)
From the Boardroom to the Boredom more like it...
Well, I've been a life long fan of the original ANGEL trilogy. Even place the original ANGEL in my top 10 favorite films. Admittedly, AVENGING ANGEL kinda sucked, but is still enjoyable in its own stupid little way. ANGEL IV, however, is one incredibly long and boring movie with no production values, a stupid plot and a cast of actors who clearly don't want to be in this movie.
Every set design in this film is just that...a set...even the alleys! Cardboard walls...bad movie lighting...There even seems to be an echo in every room....yuk! The cast has several good names, but all are completely wasted. Sam Phillips, whom I adore, is practically asleep in her line delivery, and Darlene Vogel (as a suddenly blonde ANGEL) simply looks embarassed throughout. Suspense? None. Action? None. Interest? None. You're average Skinemax movie at 2 am looks more professional.
On a side note of curiosity, why did this become an action series when the original was a psycho-stalker film?
Rewatch the original, or better yet, go buy the boxed trilogy set on DVD and forget this installment even exists.
The Bad Father (2002)
Amusing Horror/Comedy
This is a tight, entertaining short about a begrudged son and his June Cleaver-esque wife returning to the home of his deceased father and discovering that not only was his "supposed" father a Satanist, but that he is actually the first-born son of Satan himself. He must then decide whether or not to use the powers of Hell to reign on Earth.
Don't let the ROSEMARY'S BABY synopsis fool you...this is not a rip-off. It seems to play as more of a MADTV-type take on, perhaps, what ROSEMARY'S BABY might do when he finally figured out his namesake. Additionally, it has some genuinely creepy moments, and the actors balance the line between seriousness and goof-ball perfectly. Remarkably well done for its low-budget.
Firestarter: Rekindled (2002)
An amazingly well-done, tense, & action-filled follow-up!
FIRESTARTER II is probably the best TV movie sequel I have ever seen. Admittedly, it's not saying much, but FIRESTARTER II actually outdoes the original 1984 film in all aspects of suspense, FX, and well-drawn characters. The cast is excellent, and though it's four hours total (I received an advanced screener copy before it's 2-night debut on the sci-fi channel), the pace of the film is so quick it comes off much shorter. In all, the film is just a lot of fun, especially with the addition of sexual tension between Charlie McGee (Marguerite Moreau) and John Rainbird (Malcom McDowell), and the creepy little children of the new experiment. Definitely breaths new life into the ho-hum original film.
Elvira's Haunted Hills (2001)
GREAT SUCCESSOR TO THE ORIGINAL MOVIE
I managed to catch a sneak-preview of this film, which is an entirely new feature, not a sequel, while it was still in post-production. For as wonderfully hysterical and charming as it appeared in its rough form, I can't wait to see the final result! A campy, lighthearted send up of the Vincent Price/Roger Corman/ Edgar Allan Poe/ Hammer horror movies from the 1960's, it follows true to both those films look and tone. Most of the film seems to take notice of THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM, but there are bits spoofing other films, plus plenty of original material as well. Most delightful, in addition to Elvira's newest dance number, is the budding romance between the Mistress of the Dark and a hunky care taker whose voiced-over words (deliberately) never match his mouth. A hoot. Additionally, The Divine Miss E lets the boob jokes run wild as expected and you can just SEE how much fun the cast had making the movie. Demand to see it in theaters! It's worth it!