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johnzappulla
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Flesh (2021)
Imagine the worst film you ever watched. Now realize 'Flesh' is even worse
She needs to figure out what's happening before it' too late? She's already accepted the script and it's way too late.
The makeup and costumes appear to have come from the local Mall Halloween store.
The only redeeming thing I can think of is there are a lot of nighttime shots and they were all done very well.
If you were waiting for the last scenes to tie the story together and get some answers as to why the characters are doing what they are doing, keep waiting. It never happens.
This film was available on Amazon Prime and thankfully it was included with my subscription. The only thing that could have been worse was if I had to pay to see it.
The Last Exorcist (2020)
When it's so bad it's good.
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse Danny Trejo shows up and the evil voices start calling out for Machete......Machete......
And cue the epileptic fits that mysteriously resembles a fish out of water. Just flopping all over the boat.
Fire up the fog machine.... more fog juice please.
A Date with Ghosts (2015)
Do ghosts exist??
I don't know about ghosts, but I do know for a fact that film editors exist. Too bad this piece of trash didn't believe in an editor.
Seriously, this "film" is one of the most poorly constructed and badly filmed movie releases ever. A complete waste of time.
To All a Goodnight (1980)
I've seen better movies on a GAF Viewmaster
If little things annoy you like the audio sync is off, them this film will drive you nuts.
I can't say anything about the acting, because there was no acting. On every point this film failed. Please do not waste your time.
Term Life (2016)
Sure to be a hit with those easily amused
This was actually painful to watch. Spoilers for this "movie" wouldn't mean a thing is anyone over the age of 16, because if you haven't figured it out in the first 5 minutes, then you have allot to learn.
Speaking of learning, this movie reminded me of a first year film student's final project, and they failed.
A Sniper's War (2018)
Are these reviews of the movie, or reviews of the politics of the movie?
"Propaganda, lies. blah...blah..blah. Talk about the acting, the cinematography, even the sound track. That's a review. But to say it's no good because you don't agree with the story is not reviewing the movie. Personally, I don't care if it's propaganda or not, I want to know if it's a good movie.
Looks like the word went out and all those who think they're political activists responded.
if it's a movie about a politician and you don't like them, the movie is garbage automatically? I think those reviewers got the purpose wrong.
The Recall (2017)
How did they ever convince anyone to invest in this bomb??
This film had all the ingredients to be a decent flick. Professional cinematography, pretty good acting, a big name actor with Snipes, but the execution was just terrible. The editing was horrific, the script was poor at best. It was confusing and annoying. How many times can characters fall down and hit their heads??? The special effects were amateurish, and the ending was so bad. You are wasting your time if you watch it.
xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017)
Watch this in a foreign language you don't speak. It will make the same amount of sense.
A budget of $85,000,000? Really? Someone has photo's of investors in bed with cheap hookers they are using to extort money. I didn't see the first 2 movies in this franchise and for that I am eternally grateful. The target audience for this movie is 8 to 12-year-old boys that are not taking their Ritalin on schedule. Don't bother trying to follow the plot as there is none, other than the numerous stars in the movie are checking their bank accounts for those direct deposits. I guess if I was an actor and had lots of bills, child support, and alimony to pay, then I too would appear in this film. As far as the non-existent plot goes, I can just hear the actors complaining that they did not get the pages for today's shoot and the director telling them not to worry as everything is just like yesterday's shoot, which was the same as the day before, etc.
Kong: Skull Island (2017)
This film is AWESOME!
Ever since the first King Kong debuted in 1933 I have not enjoyed any of the remakes. I am not even a fan of the Godzilla flicks or the Cloverfield type characters. But I do enjoy great special effects and a good unique storyline which you will find in this Kong. First, let's get something out of the way and here is my biggest spoiler. They DO NOT capture Kong and bind him in chains and take him back to New York to be put on display and climb the Empire State Building so he can be killed. Nothing like that and I was extremely appreciative of that. And the whole beauty and the beast thing played a very small part in the movie. All the actors played their parts very well and were all believable. I only found that Samual Jackson's character at the very end got a little ridiculous but it was over quickly. Action was the key component for this film, and it almost became exhausting. Every time the action dies down and the actors breathed a sigh of relief, whamo, here came another challenge in the way of huge creatures that wanted nothing less than to kill everything that moved. Set in the 1960's, at the end of the Vietnam War, the soundtrack was intense as were the songs of that era. So if you enjoy lots of explosions and shooting and understood that NO ONE was safe from being eaten by some nasty creature, then you will have a blast.
The Forest (2016)
Don't sell this movie short, especially if you do not understand the Japanese
Yes, the "Suicide Forrest", (Aokigahara), is very real and very active place in Japan. Since 1971 on average authorities pull 100 bodies per year from this 14 square mile, densely forested parcel of land that sits on the Northwest base of Mount Fuji. And those are just the bodies they discover, many more are believed to die there each year. The only other place in the world known for more suicides per year is the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. The movie goer has to understand the Japanese mentality regarding suicide as it is very different from those of the Western world. Suicide is considered honorable in Japan. Rather than face defeat, soldiers will commit suicide rather than be captured. Rather than face shame from bad business decisions, or poor grades in school, or failed marriages the Japanese will choose suicide as the proper way to fix their problems and not be a burden on others. Incredibly, unlike the Western world, death by suicide still is covered under Japanese life insurance and still pays death benefits. I can go on for hours about suicide in Japan but suffice it to say unless you look at it with a different perspective you will loose much this film has to offer. The Japanese say that there are 3 types of people that visit Aokigahara forest; average hikers, those that have a curiosity about the place/searching for missing loved ones, and those that are not coming out. When most think of Japan we think of the crowed city's like Tokyo, but do not realize that forests cover 67% of the land or 62 million acres and in less than a 2 hour drive from Tokyo you will reach Aokigahara forest. The parking lot is small and abandoned cars are an indication that another person has not come out of the forest. At the entrance to the paths there are signs in Japanese telling visitors that they are loved and they do matter and the phone number to the suicide hotline. Along the trail there are call boxes that connect directly to suicide prevention centers. But still they come and still they die. In the movie, I found the little chain across the entrance with do not enter sign attached to be very symbolic. When one steps over the chain you are making a contract with death and a life is owed. Many believe that the forest is a place where the dead and the living can interact and speak to each other. It is a place of extreme sorrow and sadness and can easily take over ones mind. The dead will try to pull you into their world and they are well experienced. Those that go in with the intent to kill themselves but do not follow through with it have reported the most intense personal battles with inner demons during the time they have spent there. Many stop at the convenience store located a few miles from the entrance and the owners of the store say that it is very easy to spot those will ill intent. They walk around the store, some for hours, make no eye contact and very rarely speak. Actually, the store owners are responsible for preventing many suicides as they contact the authorities immediately, many times while that person is still in the store, and the police in the area are well training in suicide prevention. Yes, this movie is a horror movie, but it is truly a very sad representation of a place where desperate people do desperate things.
Contract to Kill (2016)
90 minutes of pure agony
What the hell did I just watch?? It's actually been a while since I watched a "new" Seagal film and this atrocity is the reason why. First I have to say that it was as if I was watching 5 different movies at the same time that all had no relationship to each other. Except for the fact that Seagal got to hit people in each version. I mean many of us watched Seagal to see him perform his unique brand of martial arts but if that's what you are hoping for in this disaster, then surprise!!.... he does a little but it's mostly close ups of fists with allot of sound effects. Gone are the days of seeing Seagal actually fighting. OK, so he's put on some weight. Well, allot of weight and every shot of him was carefully crafted to make sure we didn't see how huge he has become. But, like everything else in this film, it didn't work and his bulk was obvious and embarrassing. Now I haven't kept track of Seagal's health but did something happen with his voice? It seemed painful for him to speak and his voice was very raspy. I sincerely hope he is OK, but please Mr. Seagal call back this film and burn all the masters.
Witchslayer Gretl (2012)
It doesn't get any worse than this
How can anyone in the movie industry show their faces in Hollywood if they were associated with this complete failure.The screenplay had to have been written by an autistic child of around 7 years of age. No, a 7 year old autistic child could have dome much better. Let's talk special effects. Nothing special about these effects. Terrible and pure 100% amateur. There was a main character of some sort of dog like dragon that was completely animated in a Sims game and screen captured to appear in this disaster. It was so poorly done. Everything about this is poorly done. Looks like they did the entire movie on a budget of $25.00 and spent it all on craft services. 90% of the film takes place in a forest and 10% in what is supposed to be a cave. SO don't look for any mouth watering landscape to fill this turd out. Back to special effects; all the fighting scenes were so poorly scripted and unrehearsed they were actually painful to watch. There were supposed to be all these fancy weapons that just stopped working 1/2 way through the film so they actually stopped putting them in, but the characters were still acting as if they had these weapons in their hands. That had to be the funniest part of this trash. And this was not a comedy by any stretch of the imagination. Then there was the lack of actors. Paul McGillion plays Hansel and he really needs to give all the money his mother spent for acting lessons back to his mother. She wasted her money, I guarantee he never went to the lessons. His entire performance was at the same boring level of a man who just lost his cat. It was that exciting. And sorry, but horse-faced Sarain Boylan was just as painful, trying to ad lib an empty script. Shannen Doherty was given twice her normal daily allotment of Oxycontin and fell asleep at least 4 times while mumbling her lines. Why oh why did you people continue on this complete waste of time? The best part of this tragedy was the end credits.
Australiens (2014)
I will let you in on the secret of how this has a 5.1 rating.
When I read the ratings for a movie I usually won't consider even watching it unless it has a 5 out of 10. Which this movie has. But let's look at the breakdown of that score. There are 107 votes. 23 of those votes rated this movie at a 10. Are you serious?? Not even Jaws got a 10, it only got an 8. Gone With The Wind only got an 8.2. So how in the world does Australiens get 23 people voting it a 10? Simple.... those votes are from people who worked the film. And 14 more people voted this movie to be a 8 or higher putting it in the same category as Gone With The Wind, and Lawrence Of Arabia (8.4). They all couldn't vote a 10 because then it would really look as fake a score as it is. So what can you do to make the scores fair? Absolutely nothing until more people vote. When you get up to 1,000 people voting, then you will see the reality of this film which should hover around a 2.5. Yes, it's terrible. It's actually painful to sit through. What little story- line exists is so weak and confused. Bottom line is there are aliens invading earth. And the main character was contacted or abducted, that is not clear at all. She claims the aliens are back to abduct her, again? And the other characters all try to stop the alien invasion. End of story, that's all they wrote. This should teach us all a lesson: never write a screenplay on a cocktail napkin and leave it on the bar to get wet. All the ink smears and you can't read a thing. The budget is listed at 20,000 AUD which is $15,294.00 US dollars. Certainly that money wasn't used for the actual film, but they had some really good craft services for a couple of days. Special effects?? There is one 10 second scene where they are interrogating an alien that is OK for the effects for the alien. But the rest of the film is horrific in terms of effects. What little there are, are so amateurish, they will hurt your eyeballs. OK, i get it. It's supposed to be a comedy. So it should be campy and contrived like Mars Attacks, (rated 6.3). But this film didn't even get campy and funny. Actually, there isn't one funny line in the entire film. It is void of comedy. It is void of sci-fi. It is just plain void. Let me put it as gentle as I can. If given a choice of root-canal or this film, I would pick the root canal, hands down.
Skinwalker Ranch (2013)
Got Under My Skin and Made Me want To Take A Walk
Please note: There are a number of spoilers in my review. You have been warned. Every movie starts out with a premise and the premise for this movie wasn't actually all that bad. It's the kind of story that you would want to read about on a news site. So why didn't I think very much of it? Well for one thing I , and I am sure many others, are dead tired of the whole Blair Witch look and feel. Lets face it, Blair Witch came out in 1999, 17 years ago! Since this movie has over 50% of it in the Blair format it gets real old real fast. And, it switched from Blair style to "normal" style with no rhyme or reason. And before I forget, the "Official Site", HTTP://www.skinwalkerranchfilm.com/ is no longer running. I mean for $9 a year you took the site down already? Seriously? I would imagine you took the losses and cut and ran. Besides the filming technique what really annoyed me was the quality of the acting. 70% of the acting is not believable, rather unbearable and was very annoying. Of major disappointment was Michael Horse who plays an Indian Medicine Man, Ahote. It was Ahote's job to cleanse the property of evil spirits. Now Michael Horse does have a number of film credits under his belt, (HTTP://www.imdb.com/name/nm0395398/? ref_=tt_cl_t12), but his portrayal was actually painful to watch, and so predictable. The "indian" language that was used reminded me of Jambi the Genie in the Pee-Wee Playhouse series, you know... Meka Leka Hi Meka Hiney Ho. And you just knew at the end he would say, get the fu$$ out of here. Many of the argument scenes between members of the team and the homeowner were really bad. Even the Real Housewives arguments are more believable. I do give credit to the fact that with minimal special effects, they did a good job making the invaders real. But they overdid the dog/werewolf and it came out pretty fake. Oh, and the one thing I absolutely hate, despise, can't stand, is the killing of an innocent dog. Why was that necessary? But it was violent and not appreciated. The story bounces around and gets kind of confusing, but the ending is terrible. No answers to questions I am not sure of were even asked. But, it kept your attention and pulled you into a decent story. I would recommend it if everything else was checked out. It's a very forgettable film.
The Amityville Terror (2016)
Looking for good Horror? Then skip this puppy.
First, despite the title this film has nothing to do with anything remotely Amityville. The effects were so poor. Come on folks, CG software is cheap and there are plenty of out of work effects people that could have done better with freeware. Of course there is always the story line. Except in this movie. Did these people make this up on the fly? So with no effects, no story line and no script how could you expect anything more? THere is always a place for mindless sex and violence on the screen, but here you won't find mindless, just useless. I must admit I am something of an Amityville Horror snob. I owned my first home in Nassau SHores only 1 mile from the actual Amityville Horror house. Yup, there really is a house that the first movie was based on. It was on a side street and the traffic got so bad the town of Amityville had to post no parking signs for a couple of blocks and post cops to keep the traffic moving. Well, the house in this movie was probably owed by the producer and he got a write off to use it for the film. I think that's the best thing that could have ever come form this piece of trash. To sum it all up.... don't waste your time on this treasure.
Outcast (2014)
Not the worst, not the best
If you were expecting a Academy Awards best picture, then keep going. But, it does pretty good for mindless entertainment. Great locations, very good cinematography, good sword fighting and some martial arts mixed in provide reasonable entertainment. It's a Crusades movie with a Chinese twist so that can be confusing at times, but it's not the script that gets this movie a low score, it's the otherwise big name actors that bring it down. They gave Nick Cage the most ridiculous accent and he stays with it the entire movie. Honestly, I can understand such a poor performance from Cage being bridled with this most stupid of accents. Any actor that had to sound like they were extremely constipated would not be able to concentrate on the character. The "star wars" star wasn't much better but since this was his first work since 2010 he may be trying to warm up to the screen again.
From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter (1999)
No entertainment value
The only thing this shares with 1 & 2 is the same words in the title. Other than that this was a really poor excuse for a movie. The plot was completely incoherent, I think they lost the script somewhere 1/2 way through. There was nothing special in the special effects as most looked like they were done on a kids laptop. It was torture to watch and looked like a high school film project rather than a professional movie. Please do not waste your time or money on this loser of a film. Rated 10 on the disappointment scale. You will be scratching your head at the end wondering what exactly did you just watch and why did you waste 95 minutes waiting for it to get good. The best thing in the movie was the credits.
Vice (2015)
Waste of time
It seemed to have all the ingredients for something interesting. But someone lost the script on the way to production. I guess Bruce Willis needed some quick cash and put this absolutely useless waste of time on the market. This will do great with the 12-16 year old boys due to lots of suggestive sexual scenes with the typical bimbo looking girls that appeal to this age group. Plot was super weak and could have been done in 1/2 hour. Loads of shooting and not hitting anything which got really annoying. Matter of fact, to watch a line of men shooting automatic weapons behind others clearly in their line of fire and no one getting hit just reinforced how amateur this production really is. I originally thought it would be a remake of WestWorld, but I can honestly say the Yule Brenner is not turning over in his grave.
Tusk (2014)
Hands down the worst of the worst. May contain spoilers
How could any production company ever back this ridiculous waste of time? I don't care if you took it seriously or not the entire movie fell apart as soon as the first scene showing the main character turned into a walrus popped up. A walrus? Human to walrus? It was so stupid and then became aggravating when he has to eat a mackerel, go for a swim. But the scene where his captor wears a walrus costume and they fight as walrus's was the point in which I got on the phone with cable and demanded not to be billed for this complete piece of trash. Turns out I was not the only one demanding my money back and our cable provider will be pulling it off the offered movies ASAP. This movie makes Battlefield Earth look like a grand sweep of the Oscars.
No Such Thing (2001)
As entertaining as a traffic light
The worst waste of time and film. A good double feature with Battlefield Earth. This film has no rhyme or reason and you will be very disappointed unless you are heavily sedated. You too will wonder what the heck Helen Mirren was thinking. I know she said in a recent interview she has to do what she needed to survive, but damn. Trust me, the plot has nothing to do with the movie and the movie has nothing to do with the plot. I sat through the entire what ever this is, and kept saying to myself, this is going to get good, it's going to make sense, there has to be something! But, I was greatly mistaken. Right through to the last scene you too will say, did they run out of budget and just shut the whole thing down?
The Lost City (2005)
Passion
Passion is what ties this incredible movie together. The passion for your family, your country, your beliefs and your talents. Mr. Garica has created a look into what it was like to live and leave Cuba during the late 1950's. It's the kind of movie that keeps tugging at you, demanding you pay attention and hope this will never happen to you. Stellar performances by Andy Garcia, Dustin Hoffman, and Bill Murray and last but certainly not least, Inés Sastre. Thank you to the entire crew that after 16 years of work by Andy Garcia, put it all together. One item that really has stuck in my mind
Andy Garcia 's character is a very successful nightclub owner, rather well to do, living in a gorgeous home surrounded by beautiful things. After fleeing Cuba he winds up in New York with no money, washing dishes in a restaurant. Here he has gone from riches to rags but his spirit is still rich. But, the thing that I realized is how many of today's immigrants are in the same predicament. I'm not talking legal or illegal, that has nothing to do with my point. My point is, who am I to look down at these people that very well may have had to run for their lives and come to the U.S. The woman cleaning your hotel room may at one time been the head of a large household with her own maids and butlers. The man cleaning your dishes could have owned a wonderful restaurant, but now must do whatever it takes to survive. So here's what I take from this movie: First, that Castro replaced one group of thugs (Batista) with his own thugs. Secondly, everyone has a story to tell, a history of their life. Everyone has the right to be treated and looked upon as equal, no matter what type of work they do or what kind of clothes they wear.