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Reviews
The Open House (2018)
It's 40% movie, then 60% trash.
How bad off is Netflix? Are they losing so much money that they had to fire the writing team halfway through production?
First 40 minutes - this seemed like it had a chance. Then the wheels come off. I can only assume the budget collapsed, the writers left and Netflix brought in a few stray bonobo monkeys from the local zoo, temporarily stopped them from flinging feces at each other, and had them complete the script.
My advice - watch the first 40 minutes. Turn it off. Then let your imagination run wild. Even if you have a "gump-ian" IQ, anything you come up will be better than the actual ending.
Santa Inc. (2021)
No ones fault.
It's really no surprise this show isn't funny. I heard that during 1 of the 15 car robberies Seth "suffered" through, the jokes for the show were inside and got stolen too. Perks of living in the city I suppose.
ReVisitant (2019)
First time acting?
Some of the worst acting I've ever seen. Plot is awful. Characters are wooden and pretty sure they were reading their lines off of cue cards. Ridiculous ripoff of the movie Fallen, which is actually good. Shoehorned in some "scary" clown scenes for some reason. No idea why.
I Care a Lot (2020)
Stop watching around 1:20 in
No one to cheer for. No likable characters. Con woman, with zero skills, outmuscles Russian mob? Wow.
First hour or so, wasn't terrible. Turn it off at that point and use your imagination to make up your own ending. Anything you come up with will be better than what the movie itself does.
Bring the Funny (2019)
Bring the Axe
Wow. What a disappointment. What a shame. As a fan of "Last Comic Standing" I was really looking forward to this. What a mistake that was.
We'll start with the cast. The host is Amanda Seales? I have no idea where she came from or how she got the job, but I do know she's not entertaining. Saying unfunny things, loudly - does not make them funny.
Then there's the "judges." Jeff Foxworthy has legit comic success. But its pretty obvious he's struggling to find humor with the contestants. Not his fault. I am too.
Then there's Chrissy Teigen, who is about as qualified to judge comedy as my dog. She's just slightly less talented. In her defense - my dog does know like 5 or 6 tricks, though never reached Chrissy's level of fame, despite being naked just as often.
And lastly - there's ol one-trick pony Keenan Thompson. Turns out, he's not just unfunny on ragged old SNL. He's just as bad here. And fairly ironical when he critiques contestants for repeating characters or sounds???? Really??? Is that Charles Barkley, Steve Harvey or Bill Cosby talking? Cause I can't tell any of his "characters" apart.
Despite the poor choices of the shows "talent" - the show could've worked if the contestants were any good. How were these folks picked? Was there an audition? Who screened them? Two episodes in and I've yet to crack a smile. Except during this one commercial break that was fairly witty.
I'd have to think this show will be cancelled quick. I've had funnier times getting a root canal. At least my dentist gave me nitrous.
Employee of the Month (2006)
Do anything else for 103 minutes.
I've heard some people think Dane Cook, Andy Dick and Dax Shepard are funny. If you are one of those 4 people on the planet - I suppose you will like this "film." For anyone else - do yourself a favor - skip this. When I'm on my death bed looking back at my life- I am going to be so jammed I wasted103 minutes watching this. Learn from my mistake.
Boring, cliche, laugh-less, poorly scripted utter nonsense. Not campy, not cheesy, not slapstick brainless humor - just plain ol bad.
The Usual Suspects (1995)
Excellent from Start to Finish
Really difficult to give this movie the review it deserves without adding any spoilers in.
I will say this: quick paced drama, complete with excellent casting, acting, directing, scoring and script. A big pet peeve of mine with typical dramas or "who-dunnit" movies is that they tend to be very slow through the first act. This movie avoids that pitfall and holds your interest from the opening scene.
Cast is special. Garbriel Byrne excels, Spacey delivers, Baldwin's best role, Pollack is solid, Palminteri performs as usual and Benicio Del Toro is awesome. "Fenster" is a guy I want to hang out with, against my better judgement.
Super quotable movie as well, which is a guilty pleasure of mine. Up there with Big Lebowski and O Brother Where Art Though as for quotability.
Saturday Night Live: Kumail Nanjiani/P!nk (2017)
Pink was great
Pink killed it as always. Rest of the show was awful. As funny as a blister.
Saturday Night Live (1975)
Tired, dead horse
Wow wow wow. Hard to believe how awful and unfunny this iconic classic has become. As a fan for over 30 years, it's hard to say this - but this is now the worst incarnation of the shows lengthy run. This season makes me long for the randy quaid and Julie Dreyfus era.
The show has just devolved to unspeakable levels. Terrible cast for starters. Who honestly thinks Leslie jones is remotely funny? Saying unfunny things loud, doesn't make them funny. Was Keenan Thompson ever funny? He has the character range of my dog. How did he ever get brought back after 1 season, yet alone countless seasons now. His mannerisms, voice, and attitude are identical in every skit he's in. Awful.
The news team is dreadful. May be the worst ever.
The writing is awful. The musical acts are typically on par with local garage bands.
This last week finally pushed me to remove it from my Dvr. It's sad, after being a devout fan for so long, but this show brings absolutely nothing to the table.
The Odd Couple (2015)
Will be canceled soon
It just doesn't work. My expectations for TV sitcoms is extremely low to begin with. I don't expect much. With Mathew Perry and Thomas Lennon being two of my favorites, my limited expectations were slightly raised. They shouldn't have been. Lennon tries very hard to carry the show and does an admirable job. But it's geared to be a buddy-show and Perry isn't holding his end of the bargain. Whether it's an attempt at a "style" of comedy - or he's just mailing it in, I can't be sure. But it falls deadly flat. Throw in an awful canned laughter, and horrible stereo-type supporting characters (Usual Yvette Brown) the show is a complete miss and will be canceled soon. The fact it's back for a 2nd season is a complete shock to me and doesn't say much for the current landscape of network "comedies."
Creed (2015)
Solid - but different
As a huge Rocky fan, this latest installment just missed the mark for me a bit. The fact that this was the first entry in the Rocky franchise not penned by Stallone was apparent. Part of what made the first couple Rocky movies for me (namely the first 2) was the dialogue written and performed by the characters. Sure, they got pretty campy in the later entries and ended up nearly being a parody of itself by the end in Rocky 5, but there's no denying the dialogue. This film was grittier and much better than the 4 and 5, but paled greatly to the first two. To this day when watching 1 or 2, after seeing them for the umpteenth time, I still find myself rooting for the Rock and feeling inspired. I just didn't get that vibe with Creed. All-in-all, it's much better than 3,4 and of course 5, but it's no where no 1 or 2. If you don't compare it to the original franchise and judge it as a stand-alone boxing movie - it's average at best. Southpaw and Cinderella Man beat Creed by a unanimous decision.
Titanic II (2010)
As a comedy - it's brilliant
I'm torn. If this was meant to be a spoof or a sublime comedy, than my rating would be an 8 or 9. As a serious movie - this has got to be one of the worst constructed movies in history. Acting, script, plot, dialogue, sets, effects, soundtrack - you name it - is just abhorrent. Utter ridiculousness. There is no possible way someone signed off on this and thought it would work as a drama. It has to be a joke. It just has to. No sane industry executive would dare put there name on this otherwise. If it indeed was meant as a comedy - then - hats off. It's hilarious. And you have my apologies. Watch it as a comedy and have a good laugh, watch it as a drama and you'll be hard pressed to make it to the end credits.