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Call Me by Your Name (2017)
Terrible Pretentious Nonsense. Are you joking??
I genuinely do not understand the hype of this Movie.
Armie Hammers Character is supposed to be a 24 year old Grad Student. The man is a solid 31 (Born 1986) who looks to be in his late 30's, whether that be from costume, or makeup. So to picture either one of them as a young adolescence exploring each others sexuality, is not there. It looks more like an old man trying to (and failing at) seducing a young uninterested boy.
His character should have been recast at the first table reads. Armie Hammer makes Oliver seem like a pretentious showboating creep, and the random acting from happy, to laughing, to dancing in the street, to screaming,t o anger...it's all over the map and it;'s terrible.
The screenwriter should have his Oscar revoked. There was Absolutely no Chemistry between the two main characters, which didn't help that their dialogue, body language, and facial expressions towards each other was uncomfortable and forced. In the book, the internal dialogue of Elio's longing for Oliver is rampant, NONE of that is Portraid on screen for the first half of the movie, so when it finally happens, it's seems so unrealistic and forced.
An example, When Oliver reaches out to Elio to help his shoulder, The actors cringing and pulling away does NOT give the idea that he's interested, or fighting back emotions he can't control. He seems to be frankly disturbed by this man touching him.
It also doesn't help that for the first half hour these two male characters showing their interest in women, from (HORRIBLY) dancing with them, to rendezvous in the water, to dates in the city, to sexual encounters in a field, to a secondary planned out encounter in an attic, NONE of that is any indication that Elio is interested in Oliver, at all!! But they talk to each other in riddles at a war monument and it's supposed to be believed that they're talking about a homosexual attraction that Elio has for Oliver.
Can I also mention the forced plot movement, from the mom randomly reading to her husband and 17 year old son about a prince who just doesn't know how to tell a princess how he feels....or the father and his slides of young desirable men, just beckoning to be touched.... to the songs in the car, or alley, about new love. That's poor writing when you have to dumb down the story so much that you're TELLING the audience "This is the part in the story where the characters have to tell each other hoe they feel, and this is the part when they're going to have sex"
And what was with the editing? The cinematographer should give his head a shake....Apparently the scene in which Elio is sitting in the garden and the Music is playing while those blue filters and visible film was from an issue with the physical film of the movie, but it didn't fit into the movie in any way! Or going from a full orchestra backing to immediate cut to silence to the bizarre jump cuts....
A perfect example of being pulled out of a scene, Oliver and Elio are spinnign and twirling randomly in a field, then on a Mountan, screaming the whole time like idiot children with too much sugar. Then it cuts to a midnight scape in a stone street alley, where they're twirling on the wall, Oliver randomly runs over to peple, grabs a woman, pulls her to an exact spot and starts dancing with her like a drunk uncle at a Wedding Reception. Then, out of NOWHERE provoked by NOTHING Elio Throws up. We then immediately cut to then kissing, then Oliver naked in a window, with Elio in bed, then a train station.
Where did that come from?! Why did he throw up?? What was with the dancing? Where was the explanation for any of this? Was it just not important enough to be adapted from the book? Did Elio HAVE to throw up?!
The only redeeming factor was the Robin Williams Stand in Father, talking to his son. Which, for a father to be that accepting, in 1983.....Is the most fantastical part of this movie.
The ENTIRE time I watched this movie I wanted to scream out "WHAT IS HAPPENING?! WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" I felt like there were ants on my skin as I tried to piece together why SO many people insisted I just HAD to see this movie. I truly do not understand the Hype.
Suicide Squad (2016)
Here Me out, cause I think I make a good point.
I have a lot to say, but bare with me because I think you'll agree.
This movie has such promise, and I was so excited to see it, but what happened?! The jump cuts were awful, there was no back story on some characters, too much on others, Joker wasn't even necessary in this film, I felt they gave Will Smith way too much of the story, the villains made no sense, the personality shifts from "You're my problem" to "*weeping* "Save my possessed Girlfriend" OR to Will Smith from *I'm an assassin for hire, I don't love" to *weeping* "Harley is my bff, I have to do it for my daughter!"...WHAT?! Speaking of which! Deadshot somehow SPEED READING a Top Secret Book he happened to find in a Closed Purse that it took Viola Davis half the first act to explain over steak?? Well Now I'm mad! Lets go drink Cocktails and shots slowly while said Davis gets her brain scrambled! It's not like the world is ending.....
ALSO! You can't make a sacrifice of yourself for your "family" when the entire movie you sat in the background doing absolutely nothing, and refusing to interact with other characters establishing any sort of audience or character connection, then jump to "This is my family! I won't loose another!" Who are you, Vin Diesel!? It makes no sense! There were NO Establishing shots which makes a total disconnect from the viewing, Half the time I was thinking "...wait what" instead of "oh that's cool" and what was with the unnecessary slowdown at the end, which made the scene seem cheesy rather than heroic. As much as I love Maggie Roberts, what was with her accent coming in and out?! In the 3rd reel, she went from Harley Quinn to Jersey Shore!
HOWEVER! the BIGGEST What the Balls moment was, THAT was NOT the mission she had planned for them. The Enchantress just went rogue in the first act. So what WAS the actual mission?! THAT'S what I want to know. It felt like this would have been the side mission, or the finale, but the entire movie is based on the fact that Enchantress busted out her brother and wants to build a machine to..kill everyone? Enslave everyone? Rule? WTF was her point?! But the biggest thing was that SHE was not the intended mission. They had one lined up.
Joker wasn't even in this movie. He made no interaction with characters minus flashbacks and the one time he DOES interact it was with Harley for all of 3 minutes, but then he gets blown out of the sky, and she lands right back to the group, NONE of that need to happen!! You could have wrote the scene of him leaving her in prison via texts and still come to that moment in the rain on the cop car, and the movie still would have went on. IN FACT! IT would have made more sense, and been more of a surprise if at the end when he bursts into the prison that's the first time you see him! All in all, 5/10 Because to be fair, everything but the Villains graphically were awesome, the soundtrack was abrupt but well put together, and the acting from the big shots was excellent, and I actually did LIKE what they did to Joker and Harley.
Not that anyone cares about my opinion, but tada.
The Secret Life of Pets (2016)
We Walked Out.
First thing you see on this page is "People also enjoyed: Superbabies, baby geniuses 2." That should be telling right there. The move starts with the worst short i've ever seen. Minions want a blender, Minions visit old folks home, Writers throw stupid zany ideas into a hat, pick ALL of them, Animators suffer the consequences.
So the tone was already set with Minions, when the movie starts. We walked out about 20 minutes in.
There was nothing interesting, or funny., or even likable about the dogs. I thought the cat has a few cute lines, but not enough to keep me there. I couldn't tell whether the big dog was a villain, or a dopey friend, or if the main character was even likable in the slightest! And the description of the relationship with the dog and it's owner was less found puppy more Clingy Boyfriend.
The best thing about the movie was getting my money back.
Spy (2015)
Sneak Peek of SPY ...SO GOOD
I was lucky enough to get a set of tickets from Tinder of all places. This movie did NOT disappoint. nothing was really revealed in the trailers, so the real story was a surprise.
The story was VERY good, the characters were well written and delivered and Melissa McCarthy was HILARIOUS. Melissa is a Comedic Genius. I'd watch anything she's in after this, hands down. Rose Byrne and Jude Law played their characters SO well. The scene stealer was 100% Jason Statham who's macho "better than you" attitude made me crack up every time.
My Favorite line was delivered by Melissa McCarthy after her initial spy character reveal. About an family members preferences. I wont say much more than that but I say it out loud and start to laugh hysterically.
VERY GOOD MOVIE! It's a Must Watch Summer Film.
Big Hero 6 (2014)
Baymax - The only redeeming factor
I am a huge fan of everything Disney, but this seemed like a first draft that was rushed into production. The characters were one dimensional, The side kicks were AWFUL. Woman Up would have been funny if it wasn't coming from the aggressive angry female sub character, and only heard through explosions in the background to mask what she was saying.
The Big Hero 6 version of comic relief (the lizard obsessed comic nerd rich kid who served no purpose) was just really annoying and only served but to place inconvenient little plot jumps.
Did anyone else find it a little uncomfortable when the only character that would add an accent to the name Hiro was the white female? Everyone else just said it as "hero"
The Music was TERRIBLE, I still can't tell if it was just one song that I couldn't understand for filth, or two.
The whole thing was so forced. Pushing as much exposition in the first ten minutes as humanly possible, while simultaneously making these characters unlikable. But you had your basic Disney movie checklist:
Dead Parents? Check Self Sacrifice from an important figure? Check Self Doubt, followed by realization? Check Pack of misfits that don't fit in? Check Lovable flat faced character? Check Action Sequence Montage? Check Villain reveal Plot twist? Check SECONDARY Self Sacrifice? Check Check Realization that the big sacrifice was for not? Check again End with big action filled sequence happy sequence that shows the dawn of a new day? Sure why not.
It hit all the usual marks, but with no heart, no originality, and no purpose.
Baymax was the only redeeming quality, and that's because he was the slapped together version of everything that we as a collective love to see, cute, soft, bubbly, endearing characters who seem to be a clean slate with no previous background story that can learn and help when needed. You Don't want to see anything happen to these characters, but something ultimately does in one way or another, and when the main character cries, you cry, when they laugh, you laugh. IT's all very basic.
Solid 4 out of ten. Baymax, the Aunts candid conversations with herself, and the only likable character, the older brother (who SPOILER ALERT) doesn't make it are the only things that this movie had going for it.
I saw myself laughing more AT the movie than with it. Which is unfortunate. That being said, I'll be searching Amazon for a BayMax life sized inflatable promo.