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Reviews
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022)
Worst Shrek in the series
How to not make ep. 1.... Starts like Ally McBeal and jumps to Shrek with a hint of Wonderwoman and all this with a crazy pace. Add not so subtle hints of the Avengers every 10 seconds if just to justify that She-Hulk really is a Marvel product. The CGI is just...horrible, but compared to the writing it's still top notch. I have no problem with strong female leads, and it is embarrassing for the main character and the plot to try to make her an avatar of womens rights when she could just be an interesting main character regardless of the gender. The token absolutely pointless fight between the Hulks was the point where I almost switched off, if this was the grand coming out episode, they left no reason whatsoever to come back for more.
Prey (2022)
Finally a Predator movie that does Predator things right!
After literally decades of horrible sequels we get a prequel that doesn't add drug dealers (2), aliens (avp), serial killers (predators) or comic reliefs (the last one, can't recall the name but it was horrible). Just apex alien hunter hunting lesser life forms until they fight back, just like it should be.
The Terminal List (2022)
Entertaining but dragged out
Enough action to keep you interested but way too many dream sequences especially towards the end makes you feel like cutting out an episode or two would have made this a bit more dynamic experience. Also takes itself way too seriously considering the lucky breaks and plot armor the main character has.
Retfærdighedens ryttere (2020)
Well rounded revenge-action-comedy
Enjoyed it from the get-go, pacing is on point and it only slows down towards the end. Like many have said, ending felt a bit rushed but the build up is worth it alone. I fear this will be remade with Liam Neeson or Statham.
Hawkeye (2021)
Most boring Avenger gets a....kids show?
Ok so the 1st episode is not good, by any standards, and will probably turn most people off for good. But it picks up a little in the 2nd episode but the overall feeling is very Disney channel. If you can get over the fact that it is essentially a kids show then you'll get to see your least favorite Avenger play Kindergarten Cop.
Line of Duty (2019)
Goofy and cheap but...
...not the worst movie ever made, not even close. What is peculiar, is that Eckhart is doing these B- and C-movies when he clearly has the skill and charisma to be in the major leagues? I'd rather watch Eckhart be the unexpected action hero instead Liam Neeson doing Taken for the 40th time... As for the movie, it's cheaply made, the script is brain dead and completely unbelievable and you will cringe until your molars drop off at the cheesy dialog. But it is still entertaining, thanks to Eckhart.
Infinite (2021)
Marky Mark jumps the sharky shark
The true tragedy of covid is the influx of bad movies and the streaming services that keep greenlighting them. This one has every action cliche, dating all the way back to Happy Days but no script, things just...happen. It's a generic action movie with generic car chases, martial arts scenes that drag on for ever, stupid dialog, forgettable characters and futuristic technology visioned by a teenager.
Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (2020)
By-the-numbers action comedy
Just to be clear, I don't care about if a movie has feminist or woke undertones - either it's entertaining or it's not. This one wasn't. The jokes were underlined dragged on, maybe on purpose to emphasize the crazy comedy vibe, but it got old pretty quick. Action scenes were really bad, it was like watching old 90's action movies where every scene goes on and on and things blow just for entertainment... Acting was ok, even with the over the top goofy roles. All in all it's not a good movie but not for the reasons everybody thinks it is, it's just poorly made.
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)
The fast and conjurious 3
Like the FnF franchise, the Conjuring saga only works if it's entertaining - there's no story to tell so you're here for the scares. This one didn't have any. The script was Netflix level fluff and dragged out. Looks like the fate of Paranormal Activity looms ahead, a couple of stinkers and then fade to obscurity.
13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi (2016)
Best Bay movie by a mile
It is honestly hard to believe that the guy behind all that transformers crap made a solid, almost flawless war movie with an amazing cast. I have no idea why this is rated so low, acting is on point, pacing is great and the build-up keeps you engaged even on the second viewing.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
Edge of Tomorrow but with severe brain damage
In short: it's entertaining but very very stupid. Pratt is not very convincing in his science action dad role but it doesn't really matter, this movie is all about shooting alien monsters thingies...think Alien vs Predator. The plot makes zero sense, and it goes nuttier and nuttier as the movie progresses. Best way to describe it is as an early FPS plot where you just progress from one action scene to another. But the action is good and the explosions are big, and for summer entertainment that is enough.
Shadow in the Cloud (2020)
Sharknado for women
Campy feminist B-movie...nothing wrong with that I guess. Wish I knew that before buying it but hey.... Nothing makes sense, starting from the soundtrack.
Without Remorse (2021)
If the color beige was a movie
It is one of the most by the numbers average action movie with every cliche you can think of with scenes that go on forever. I liked the beginning and there are rare enjoyable moments, but everything goes downhill after 40 minutes or so. But hey, it's 2021...beggars can't be choosers.
The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021)
Entertaining but flawed writing
Starts strong with big budget action and a buddy comedy vibe, first 3 episodes are entertaining and easy. Then things begin to spiral and characters start to act weird but they still want you to feel strongly about them no matter how irrational they act. You can also see the pandemic affecting the production, locations get recycled and the overall Marvel epicness starts to fade away. The decent action gets overshadowed by half-assed preachy tone of the writing that is like a high school junior trying to tell you how to think. Winter Soldier, Zemo and Walker are the characters that keep this show afloat. The Falcon, Karli and Power Twist are the ones that make you tune off.
The Outpost (2019)
Horrible trailer and tacky poster hide a good war movie
Right off the bat you notice that they're gunning for realism, some of the scenes could be from "Restrepo" or "Armadillo", everyone feels very real and the suspense is in the details. It's based on true events but I'd suggest watching the movie first because they're doing a good job telling the story. For some incomprehensible reason the trailer is cut to make this look like a straight to dvd b-action and the poster and the 90s action flick font in the credits is not really helping either. While I think the movie should've been a bit longer and would've liked to see some more background and interaction with the locals, it's still a solid modern war movie.
Outside the Wire (2021)
Training day but stupid.
You immediately notice the B-movie feel, something's off with the cinematography. Then the brain dead script kicks in, and they parade in token Slavic bad guys like it's the 90's. Nothing makes sense so you think ok, let's just enjoy the action. Some of it works, like the robot warriors (go Chappie!), but some of it is just pointless. The movie really starts to spiral at the end as you are expected to believe the fate of world hangs on the shoulders of this failed drone pilot...yes, the script is absolutely horrible, but so many other things are generic and bland that nobody gets a pass.
La belva (2020)
Italian Taken
Follows the path of pretty much every revenge movie after Taken, there's a PTSD twist but it's done poorly. The script makes no sense and there are plot holes visible from space (shipyard scene, wtf?). Usually these faults are compensated with gritty action scenes in these kind of movies, but apart from the chase sequence in the beginning, the action is really wonky. The fight choreography is horrible, you can clearly see haymakers missing by a mile and knife fights look like karate class exhibitions at the local mall. And you get to witness all this mess in slow motion, 1990's style. So in summary, it's like Taken but shot in 1990's straight to video style.
Vampires vs. the Bronx (2020)
Boring addition to the booming blacksploitation genre
Do the Right Thing meets Lost Boys but fails at both. The overall hurried feel of the movie gets really annoying just after a couple of scenes, pacing is all over the place and both story and character development moves way too quickly. Little Mayors acting is not good and that only adds to the half-assed feel of the movie. There are great vampire movies starring kids or teens, this really isn't one of them.
Internal Affairs (1990)
Did not age well
Gere is great but the movie really is not. Editing is all over the place, the little action the movie has is ridiculous and pacing is off. Can't blame Gere having bad blood with Garcia because his acting was piss poor. Overall a bad movie in 1990 and a bad movie now.
Inception (2010)
In the end it's still just a dream sequence
Rewatched it so I could remember why I wasn't that impressed. So many things are done right in this movie. It's the story that is, well...boring. And the sense of suspense is just gone after 2 hours.
Hard Target (1993)
Almost so bad it's good. Almost.
Ok, nobody is expecting Shawsank Redemption here, it's a brainless action movie and those are Van Damme's business. The problem is that unlike Universal Soldier or Timecop, the story is very weak. John Woo has very entertaining action movies, Van Damme has very entertaining action movies...too bad this isn't one of those for either. I watched this last night and only half way realized I've already seen this. That would not happen with Timecop or Face/Off.
The Old Guard (2020)
A typical Netflix action b-movie with an a-list star
There's not much to write about: premise is kinda interesting with the classic betrayal to kick the story off, I liked that they chose lot of new actors to spice up the dynamics but the writing fails to bring depth to the group which sucks because they're supposed to be this family-like group fighting together for thousand+ years. And without spoiling too much, it also makes some of the decisions made by the characters hard to understand. Like other Netflix movies, there's a rushed feeling in everything and the pacing is way off. The villain is comically evil poor mans Lex Luthor and the police only arrive after everyone else is ready and gone.
Ju-on: Origins (2020)
Twin Peaks with japanese horror
Breaking the straight forward Japanese ghost story mold, Ju-on:Origins sets you on a much more surreal path and mixes multiple timelines. Add some traditional Japanese over the top acting and you get a result that will be way too much for most viewers. After an ok first episode you quickly realize that most scenes lead absolutely nowhere and the ones that do only take you deeper into the rabbit hole. All cultural differences aside, this series is just bad and stupid.
The Grudge (2019)
It's not even trying
Absolutely pointless remake with horrible acting and virtually no script. Uses every cliche from past 20 years and jump scares that you'll see coming even if sound asleep (which you probably be). Nothing that made the original good is left in this one, and the new "ghosts" are not very convincing or scary.
The 6th Day (2000)
"Total Retard"
It feels like this was made for JVC but he got caught in traffic and this landed on Arnold. A very campy B-movie with a dollar store budget. The acting is so bad you keep thinking it's intentional until you realize it's not, when the only real actor in this movie delivers his lines. Not sure why Arnie ok'd this one, maybe he needed money for his divorce.