Review of Flesh for Frankenstein

"Andy Warhol's Frankenstein" is as dreadful, boring, and pretentious a slab of 70's Euro-trash as you'll ever likely to see. Think "Lady Frankenstein", only mooore dull, and without any throttling. :=8P For those of you who don't know, or remember, or would like to forget, Andy Warhol, the Prince of Pretentious Pop-Art, helped produce a string of lousy flicks in the 70's, including "Bad", "Dracula", and this gem. They're all terrible and thunderously dull, and his "Frankenstein" might be the worst of the lot. Udo Kier("Andy Warhol's Dracula", "Spermula","Suspiria" ) plays the flat, nasally-accented doctor, seeking to create the "perfect Serbian ideal" from bits and pieces of dead people. Monique Van Vooreen("Decameron", "Sugar Cookies", "Tarzan and the She-Devils")plays Katrina, the sister/wife/sex-obsessed shrew somecow related to ze Baron. Joe Dallesandro("Trash", "Emmanuelle 77", "Wild Orchid II") plays Nicholas the frowning Stableboy, trying to cowvince us that he too is European despite being handicapped with the worst Brooklyn accent this side of Rosie Perez. Very little happens; oh, there is some curiously antiseptic nudity, some cheesy, obviously fake gore, but moooch of the film is yak, yak, yak. 10 minutes into this film feels like 12 hours. The acting is amatuerish, at best, production values are positively subterranean, and Director Paul Morrissey works his usual non-flare. This cow has not seen the 3D version of this film - doubtless, it would be even mooore headache-inducing. We do get to see the two bland Euro-children get attacked by some rubber bats on strings. Such gratifying moooments, cowever, are fleeting. Somecow this feeble flick has retained the reputation of being campy, frightening, sexy, and/or outrageous, but the MooCow is here to tell ya', watching that cheesy "Hair in a Can" infomercial is far moore interesting. The MooCow says stick this "Flesh" back into the trash can for quick disposal. :=8P