***SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS*** . . . is leaving your new karate friend on the couch with your half-eaten raw hotdog and a jar of peanut butter so you can have sex with Linda Blair.
For real. That's what Flash (King of the Universe, yo!) does to his new friend in this movie. And he does actually dip the raw hot dog into peanut butter and eat it. And his new friend's facial expression as he's handed the 'food' items is priceless. Kind of like, 'Oh, that wacky Flash Gordon and his Linda Blair!' And then he EATS THE HOTDOG, YO!
I bought this movie for my sister one year, because it's just that damn good. For real. But enough about me, let's get back to the 'film':
1. The 'silent assassins' are anything but. Watch! as they murder people with fire hatchets and machine guns in the most unsilent fashions possible, i.e. cutting down doors and shooting up a karate studio for no apparent reason.
2. Watch! as everyone's favorite Mako (Conan, yo! oh, and unfortunately Pearl Harbor as well . . .) valiantly tries to stop the said 'silent assassins' before they hatchet murder him . . . poor Mako!
3. Watch! the villain. Really. Especially in the opening scene where he hurls a very loud baby into a harbor to distract Flash Gordon (He'll save every-one of us, so don't worry), shrieking and gibbering the whole time. Oh, and the spectacular line 'It's time to party!', which kind of sounds like 'It's time to parrt-iee!'. It's unbelievably good. He's a baby-tossin', party lovin' machine, yo!
4. Watch! the spectacular ending! (Spoiler, I guess) Where Flash Gordon (he's just a man, an ordinary man) as he uses a bazooka with unlimited ammo to blast apart all kinds of guard towers and dudes hanging around, before he chases the villain on foot (he's shrieking and gibbering here, too, yo) all night long to a helicopter, where, of course, he blows it up using his unlimited bazooka! They literally start this chase scene in the night, and end as the sun is rising. Now that's dedication right there!
5. Watch! the BEST rationalization for going to kill all the bad guys EVER! Something like, 'Well, they're coming to kill us, so we might as well kill them first.' That's UNBELIEVABLY BRILLIANT! That even manages to one-up Cobra, yo!
6. There's really just too much else to love in this film. The way one of the main heroes maybe dies, but just kind of drops out of the film in the end, never to be heard from again. Or the exploding computer scene, with the Villain's reaction (priceless, yo!) And so, so much else!!
Please, please PLEASE go see this. You haven't ever seen a film as gloriously, spectacularly crapulent as this one. It gets the Mr. Pan Cakes 'Milkoline' seal of approval, yo!
It's time to partiee!!!
For real. That's what Flash (King of the Universe, yo!) does to his new friend in this movie. And he does actually dip the raw hot dog into peanut butter and eat it. And his new friend's facial expression as he's handed the 'food' items is priceless. Kind of like, 'Oh, that wacky Flash Gordon and his Linda Blair!' And then he EATS THE HOTDOG, YO!
I bought this movie for my sister one year, because it's just that damn good. For real. But enough about me, let's get back to the 'film':
1. The 'silent assassins' are anything but. Watch! as they murder people with fire hatchets and machine guns in the most unsilent fashions possible, i.e. cutting down doors and shooting up a karate studio for no apparent reason.
2. Watch! as everyone's favorite Mako (Conan, yo! oh, and unfortunately Pearl Harbor as well . . .) valiantly tries to stop the said 'silent assassins' before they hatchet murder him . . . poor Mako!
3. Watch! the villain. Really. Especially in the opening scene where he hurls a very loud baby into a harbor to distract Flash Gordon (He'll save every-one of us, so don't worry), shrieking and gibbering the whole time. Oh, and the spectacular line 'It's time to party!', which kind of sounds like 'It's time to parrt-iee!'. It's unbelievably good. He's a baby-tossin', party lovin' machine, yo!
4. Watch! the spectacular ending! (Spoiler, I guess) Where Flash Gordon (he's just a man, an ordinary man) as he uses a bazooka with unlimited ammo to blast apart all kinds of guard towers and dudes hanging around, before he chases the villain on foot (he's shrieking and gibbering here, too, yo) all night long to a helicopter, where, of course, he blows it up using his unlimited bazooka! They literally start this chase scene in the night, and end as the sun is rising. Now that's dedication right there!
5. Watch! the BEST rationalization for going to kill all the bad guys EVER! Something like, 'Well, they're coming to kill us, so we might as well kill them first.' That's UNBELIEVABLY BRILLIANT! That even manages to one-up Cobra, yo!
6. There's really just too much else to love in this film. The way one of the main heroes maybe dies, but just kind of drops out of the film in the end, never to be heard from again. Or the exploding computer scene, with the Villain's reaction (priceless, yo!) And so, so much else!!
Please, please PLEASE go see this. You haven't ever seen a film as gloriously, spectacularly crapulent as this one. It gets the Mr. Pan Cakes 'Milkoline' seal of approval, yo!
It's time to partiee!!!