Ninja Scroll (1993)
2/10
Anime's Darkest Hour and Thirty-four Minutes
26 January 2002
Warning: Spoilers
If this movie is worth seeing at all, it's to give you a perspective on how low-brow the majority of denizens of this horrible, horrible world are. Ninja Scroll neatly embodies all the worst things about anime, and through its popularity is greatly responsible for the negative stereotypes about anime held by the US mass media.

Ninja Scroll belongs to the 'ultraviolent' class of anime, in which it is common for a sword wound to gush approximately 150 gallons of blood. In order for a body to hold this much blood, it must be stored in an extremely high pressure gaseous state, because whenever someone is cut they emit an 8 foot high geyser of blood. Of course ridiculous gore isn't enough to please Ninja Scroll's upscale cadre of fans, so the "film"-makers cleverly added copious amounts of sex to keep their attention. And while many anime movies include so-called "fan service", Ninja Scroll uses less subtlety than a 1970's french porno movie directed by Larry Flynt and Wilt Chamberlain. Now you may be thinking, "Superfluous sex and violence? How can this movie possibly go wrong?" so let me continue to the discussion of the plot and acting.

**Very Minor Spoilers** [Note: It's not possible to -spoil- Ninja Scroll] Ninja Scroll follows the basic plotline used by many serial comicbooks(or graphic novella if you prefer). Mysterious-Swordsman-Wanderer-Guy with fantastic skills and an unknown past appears and uses his fighting skills to beat Evil-Ugly-Brute-Guy. Mysterious-Ancient-Sage-Guy shows up and tells M-S-W-G that he needs defeat Super-Evil-Strong-Devil-Boss. M-S-W-G reluctantly agrees, and he and M-A-S-G go on their quest to defeat S-E-S-D-B, occasionally aided by Pointless-Ninja-Girl-Sex-Object. Along the way they meet many powerful hyphenated enemies serving S-E-S-D-B, who are defeated by M-S-W-G[note: from now on I'll just refer to him as Jubei{note-in-a-note: Jubei's character is supposedly 'based on' the famous Japanese warrior Yagyo Jubei, however their only connection is the name}]. I'm sure you can figure out the rest of the storyline by yourself. **End of Spoilers**

Although the enemies are all based on previous anime cliches(just how many guys with invisible razor strings are there in the world?) they still remain interesting foes for Jubei to face. The major problem is that there are just so many of these boss-type enemies that each of Jubei's showdowns with them last about 15 seconds or less after the enemy gets done introducing their special powers. Likewise, the story skips from fight to fight with little to no story/character building in between. This turns out to be a blessing in disguise, as the acting in this movie is abysmal. I've only seen the dubbed version of Ninja Scroll, so these comments do not reflect the original Japanese voice acting. Being that this movie was released in the US in 1995, it's not surprising that the voice acting is flat and lackluster. Only recently have we started seeing quality dubbed anime(like the excellent Sol Bianca: The Legacy). With a pure action movie such as Ninja Scroll, good voice acting is not expected, or really needed. However, there is little excuse for the poorly written english dialogue. Catering to its expected audience, the dub is full of stupid, unnecessary profanity, presumably to make it seem more edgy. It should be noted that with one exception, there are no profane words in Japanese, so a proper translation should only contain profanity to express extreme emotions. To round out my critique I should say that the animation quality is not as good as some movies released in the same time period(Ghost in the Shell), it is still pretty decent.

In closing, let me say that I'm constantly disgusted by the number of people who rate this Ninja Scroll as their favorite anime. As an anime fan you should probably watch this at least once, if only to see what the fuss is about. If you ARE a fan of Ninja Scroll and similar anime, let me give you this advice. Watch Berserk, then watch Rurouni Kenshin first OVA(Samurai X: Romantic Tales of the Meiji Era in the US), then watch Record of Lodoss War, then Vision of Escaflowne. By then you should be have been slowly weaned over from ultraviolent anime. If not, take my other advice and jump into a deep pit.

4/10 on quality 1/10 on principle
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