Review of Vampires

Vampires (1998)
All Fang, No Bite
8 October 1999
This is a movie, that in the famous words "coulda been a contenda", but instead appears doomed to the status of 'also ran' in the annals of vampire flicks. Carpenter appears to have had a serious case of ambivalence with this film. Did he want a semi-spoof of the vampire genre, the potential is there in the sardonic humour. Did he want a surrealistic horror film, moments appear, especially with some of the cinematography. Did he want an action flic, there are lots of explosions, gunfire, and macho leaping about. However, what appears closest to Carpenter's vision would be the teenage slasher flic. Gore, blood, and fake body parts fly with abandon. But none of it works. The characters are almost parodies of classic movie types, the tough and stoic leader, the loyal sidekick who betrays him, even a hooker [albeit a vampire hooker] with a heart of gold. But Carpenter does nothing with them. Holes are shot in the old vampire myths (no crosses and garlic here) but nothing fills there place. The movies plods from action sequence to action sequence with little or no character or plot development. Then there are the gaffs. Vampires arise from the ground covered in the red earth of New Mexico. Next scene, they stride across the same location looking well bathed and more like neo-goth models than the undead. The supreme vampire looks more like a refugee from Belarus than the titan of unholiness. Sure they diss the Catholic Church, but an institution that survived the Reformation is unlikely to be bothered by John Carpenter's lame jibes. Add disjointed continuity, dreadful dialogue, and the world's most boring vampires (why be undead if things are this dull?), and you get a movie which is not worth the effort.

Overall, give it a break. If you want to see a class act in Vampire movies, try to catch the old '70's version of Dracula with Louis Jordan. It pops up on the tube from time to time. Little gore, no guns, but more real chills and superlative acting than you'll see in any of Carpenter's recent efforts.
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