I can't even give a real introduction this movie is so bad. Everyone should know, but let's take a little history course. In 1975, a movie titled "Jaws" (directed by S. Spielberg) hit movie theaters and was an instant success. A sequel was released a few years later, simply titled Jaws 2. That did alright, but wasn't anywhere close to be going good. Around 1982, a 3rd was filmed... in 3-D (titled Jaws 3, sometimes 3-D). The movie sucked (and is ranked somewhere in the worst 75 movies of all time list here), but not enough for someone to say "Hey! Maybe this should be the last!" So we get Jaws: The Revenge...
(blows flatulence) That is what I think of this movie.
First, you have a pretty bad excuse of actors... and Michael Caine (who did the movie thanks to a s**t load of money, a trip to the Bahamas, and a new vacation mansion built with the money). You have Mario Van Peebles playing the worst stereotype Jamaican of all time, and some other douche with a beard as Michael Brody.
The plot is even more ridiculous. A Great White Shark TAKES REVENGE ON A FAMILY. Didn't ANYONE watch Jaws 2, where the woman says "Sharks don't take things personally"? I would assume not. So, in a MAJOR SPOILER, Sean Brody is killed by a mysterious shark (while getting his limbs ripped off, losing bucket loads of blood) he is still very much conscious, and able to scream for his life with the energy of a 6 year old on crack. Last I checked, people who lose THAT much blood are either passed out or dead, not screaming and clinging on to things the whole time, pretending nothing happened.
So, Ellen Brody decides to go on Vacation with her son Michael, and his wife and daughter... TO THE BAHAMAS. Yes, going from an island of the coast of whatever to another Island makes so much f****** sense. Somehow, a shark, mind you ones that cannot survive in the warm waters off the Caribbean, follows them... 5,000 miles in a span of 2 days. Sharks can only travel 30-ish MPH I thought, and if it takes a plane to fly from Eastern United States to Japan 18-20 hours, it will take a s**t load more time than 40 hours for a f****** shark to swim from the Northeastern United States to Carribena Islands.
The Shark is also excruciatingly bad. While the first one at least looked SOMEWHAT real, this one looks like a condom painted gray and with eyes, a.k.a a piece of s*** rubber. Not only that, the thing barely has ANY movement, and in many scenes, the contraption DRAGGING the "shark" along the ocean floor is clearly visible. I guess filming in such light and warm waters wasn't such a great idea, was it? Also, you can even see the outer working material holding the shark together!!! The less said about how this thing could stand on its fin and roar like a lion... for 30 seconds, the better.
I think I've said enough, as right now it's just pissing me off that they went from an All-time Classic in Jaws to this pile of garbage. I would rather watch The Cat in the Hat on a 72 hour loop than watch this crap again.
(blows flatulence) That is what I think of this movie.
First, you have a pretty bad excuse of actors... and Michael Caine (who did the movie thanks to a s**t load of money, a trip to the Bahamas, and a new vacation mansion built with the money). You have Mario Van Peebles playing the worst stereotype Jamaican of all time, and some other douche with a beard as Michael Brody.
The plot is even more ridiculous. A Great White Shark TAKES REVENGE ON A FAMILY. Didn't ANYONE watch Jaws 2, where the woman says "Sharks don't take things personally"? I would assume not. So, in a MAJOR SPOILER, Sean Brody is killed by a mysterious shark (while getting his limbs ripped off, losing bucket loads of blood) he is still very much conscious, and able to scream for his life with the energy of a 6 year old on crack. Last I checked, people who lose THAT much blood are either passed out or dead, not screaming and clinging on to things the whole time, pretending nothing happened.
So, Ellen Brody decides to go on Vacation with her son Michael, and his wife and daughter... TO THE BAHAMAS. Yes, going from an island of the coast of whatever to another Island makes so much f****** sense. Somehow, a shark, mind you ones that cannot survive in the warm waters off the Caribbean, follows them... 5,000 miles in a span of 2 days. Sharks can only travel 30-ish MPH I thought, and if it takes a plane to fly from Eastern United States to Japan 18-20 hours, it will take a s**t load more time than 40 hours for a f****** shark to swim from the Northeastern United States to Carribena Islands.
The Shark is also excruciatingly bad. While the first one at least looked SOMEWHAT real, this one looks like a condom painted gray and with eyes, a.k.a a piece of s*** rubber. Not only that, the thing barely has ANY movement, and in many scenes, the contraption DRAGGING the "shark" along the ocean floor is clearly visible. I guess filming in such light and warm waters wasn't such a great idea, was it? Also, you can even see the outer working material holding the shark together!!! The less said about how this thing could stand on its fin and roar like a lion... for 30 seconds, the better.
I think I've said enough, as right now it's just pissing me off that they went from an All-time Classic in Jaws to this pile of garbage. I would rather watch The Cat in the Hat on a 72 hour loop than watch this crap again.