Review of Underworld

Underworld (2003)
6/10
yawn
8 August 2005
Warning: Spoilers
I really wanted to like this flick, but I found myself constantly coming up with ways to make it so much better. To boot...

1) Get a better leading man. While Kate and Michael and Bill and Scott provided decent performances, the complete lack of talent on the part of Shane really brought the rest of the cast down.

2) Get a better film editor. The action sequences were remarkably uninvolving and dull. The exposition bits felt clumsy (in ways not necessarily due to acting or script).

3) Get a better stunt choreographer, like Woo-ping. See above statements. Plus, in the final battle sequence between Viktor and Michael, it was SO obvious that their fists were no where near contacting each others' bodies. The gunfight bits were also pretty uninteresting. This might also be the director's fault, so they should get a better director, while they're at it.

4) Get a better script writer. I don't have super-high expectations for this sort of film, but it still could've been far more interesting and involving. For instance, I think if they would have paid more attention to the way these Underworld creatures secretly inhabit our world, by say, starting the movie from Michael's point of view instead of Selene's. Other than Michael, his intern friend and some cannon fodder in the subway, humans played almost no role.

5) Give the vampires and werewolves more interesting powers. Especially the vampires. They were too wimpy. The only interesting thing the vamps could do was jump from high places, or stick to the ceiling (which only happened once). They were atrociously bad shots and couldn't even hear well (like when Selene is surprised by a speeding subway car. Even I could frickin hear a subway car coming at me!) Perhaps I'm expecting more of an Anne Rice style vampire.

6) More gore. I'm not a gore hound, per se. It's just that for this subject matter, it all seemed way too PG-13.

7) Better soundtrack. The sound design was decent, but the early '90s-style industrial metal (which I used to be a big fan of) simply didn't work. They need something creepier, more suggestive, like Einsturzende Neubauten or Aphex Twin.

Unfortunately, looking at Underworld: Evolution credits here on the wonderful IMDb, it would seem it's too late to take any of my advice, as most of the cast and crew is exactly the same.
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