Review of Re-Animated

Re-Animated (2006 TV Movie)
1/10
Severely Retarded and Unentertaining
20 December 2006
The short info on the movie is that it has an adopted alien sister (whom is about the only sane character in the movie), a boring kid star, a mentally feeble father figure, an utterly clueless astronaut mother, and a girlfriend who provides exposition (explanation dialog).

The summary of the plot (this movie is agonizingly bad to watch) involves the pot-fueled writers (whom wouldn't know a decent joke if it was jumping upon their windpipes) who decided that a young boy getting a "brain transplant" (while still retaining his entire memories, personality, and intelligence) would somehow magically get the ability to see the animated memories of the original owner of the brain. As you can understand, much like any person whom has the intellect greater than a goldfish, this plot is SEVERELY RETARDED.

At any rate, the child of the former animation studio is now grown, and the unentertaining character of Sonny just hams up his every appearance in his attempts to kill off the even more boring "brain transplant" boy. The whole thing just drags on like getting a tooth drilled at the dentist. GAH! Even 60 minutes of this is AGONIZING. The alien adopted sister is about the only worthwhile character of the whole movie. I am really wishing all of the characters, aside from the alien sister, die painfully.

The director of this movie is utterly incompetent as there is nothing compelling to continue watching it. The editor of the movie has no idea what is going on as the pacing of the "action" and "comedy" are not timed out at all to any emotional effect. The musical bits which are supposed to score out the emotional moments, the dramatic bits, the depressing scenes, and the comedy just appears to be randomly thrown in for no effect at all. The actors (not including the alien sister) seem to be putting no serious effort in reacting to the antics of Sonny (whom is putting some energy into his scenes, but lacking proper musical scoring has no emotional impact to the viewer and thusly results in a boring waste of movement). The photography is well lit and the camera-work is competent. The audio is clean for the most part, but edited utterly worthlessly.

If I were running the studio that slapped this bit of trash together, I'd fire the film editor, not rehire the non-reactive actors, slap the unfunny writers a few times then fire the unfunny writers, and fire the audio editor (if that is the person responsible for not knowing when to score in the emotional musical bits properly and using way too much noisy "dead air noise" to fill in the blank dialog spots). The audio has a the constant sound of a fan running in the background whenever the audio drops to a quiet spot. The only saving grace of this movie is not having the disturbing JonBenet Ramsey clone of Dakota Fanning (shivers at the thought of that creepy little girl) in it. So if you want to torture your children, buy this movie on DVD. Only the most rotten of children deserve to endure a horrible boring movie like this.
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