"The Marine" (2006)
Directed By: John Bonito
Starring: John Cena, Kelly Carlson, Robert Patrick, Abigail Bianca, Anthony Ray Parker, & Manu Bennett
MPAA Rating: "Unrated" (for intense sequences of violent action, sensuality and language)
***PLEASE NOTE: This Is A Review Of The "Unrated" Version Of The Movie***
Just recently, I gave "See No Evil" a passing grade, despite labeling it as "one of the most clichéd and stereotypical slasher flicks ever devised". I mention "See No Evil" in a review for this because they are both movies produced by WWE Films and both suffer from the same exact problem, yet both have gained my recommendation for the exact same thing. "The Marine" is one of the most clichéd and stereotypical action flicks ever devised (Does that sound familiar?). It stars John Cena, another wrestler trying to prove that he can act, and exists solely to have him survive as many explosive situations and kill as many bad guys as possible. Unsurprisingly, "The Marine" has very few new or innovative ideas to offer, which is why most people could simply skip this movie altogether and never even realize that they had missed it. However, it doesn't necessarily make for a boring watch and is certain to entertain casual moviegoers to some extent though, said extent is probably not very far at all.
John Triton (Cena) is a recently-dismissed marine who was sent home after failing to follow orders. Kate Triton (Carlson) is his beautiful and beloved wife who supports him no matter and desires only to make him happy. Rome (Patrick) is a cruel and ruthless diamond thief who will betray anyone in order to line his own pockets. Angela (Bianca) is a cold-hearted killer who exists to serve Rome, her lover. When John and Kate are on their way to the mountains for a relaxing vacation, they happen to stop at the same gas station as Rome and Angela and their other henchmen, who have just pulled off a huge diamond heist. After a Rome's trigger-happy assistant, Morgan (Parker), shoots and kills a cop, Rome and his entourage destroy the gas station, leave John for dead, and kidnap Kate. But, John is not dead and he will do anything to save his wife. Suddenly, all hell breaks loose as John goes on a wild and explosive adventure to find his wife and bring her back home. But, what he doesn't know is that someone he thought he could trust is working for his greatest enemy.
The performances in "The Marine" are average at best, but they didn't really need to be any better. I didn't go into this movie thinking that it was going to have any Academy Award worthy performances. John Cena is best known (okay, so only known) for his long-time role in "WWE Monday Night RAW". Now, professional wrestlers are not typically good actors by any means. They are typically flat, emotionless cardboard cut-outs with muscles. Glen "Kane" Jacobs proved that he had what it took to portray a bloodthirsty serial killer with conviction in "See No Evil" so I was slightly optimistic for Cena's breakout role. Well, I got an average, but believable performance. He did a decent job. Kelly Carlson who is incredibly gorgeous, in my opinion, and quite talented also does a nice job. She first caught my attention with her provocative role in "Nip/Tuck" and she shows here that she can transition between television and film. Robert Patrick plays yet another villainous role I mean, really, this is getting very predictable. I guess he does what he is good at, because he too does fine. But, the guy really needs to start taking more diverse roles.
The biggest problem with "The Marine", aside from its glaring lack of originality and creativity, is the overall ridiculousness of the action. When things explode in this film, they explode and destroy everything for miles around except for our hero who is thrown several feet by the explosion into safety. Our hero is tossed around, thrown out of a car that is burning and flying off of a cliff, practically blown up, shot at (by assault rifles), and more and yet he remains almost completely unscathed. What, is he a robot, for crying out loud? On top of that, the music used in the movie is almost excruciating seriously. This is the first time in a long time where I actually thought that the music almost ruined the movie. It was dreadful and the random bits of humor and quirky moments were even worse. The recurring jokes about rock candy had me rolling my eyes and there are other jokes that get old just as fast. The dialog, itself, is horrendous and deeply false. However, "The Marine" didn't need good dialog to be a decent action movie, because, let's face it, a typical action movie replaces any substance it should have had with senseless violence and action. This is not necessarily a good movie, but it is entertaining enough to warrant a watch. But, just like with so many movies released lately, do not expect anything new.
Final Thought: Ridiculously over-the-top and silly, "The Marine" manages to get my recommendation because it is more fun than it should be.
Overall Rating: 5/10 (B-)
Directed By: John Bonito
Starring: John Cena, Kelly Carlson, Robert Patrick, Abigail Bianca, Anthony Ray Parker, & Manu Bennett
MPAA Rating: "Unrated" (for intense sequences of violent action, sensuality and language)
***PLEASE NOTE: This Is A Review Of The "Unrated" Version Of The Movie***
Just recently, I gave "See No Evil" a passing grade, despite labeling it as "one of the most clichéd and stereotypical slasher flicks ever devised". I mention "See No Evil" in a review for this because they are both movies produced by WWE Films and both suffer from the same exact problem, yet both have gained my recommendation for the exact same thing. "The Marine" is one of the most clichéd and stereotypical action flicks ever devised (Does that sound familiar?). It stars John Cena, another wrestler trying to prove that he can act, and exists solely to have him survive as many explosive situations and kill as many bad guys as possible. Unsurprisingly, "The Marine" has very few new or innovative ideas to offer, which is why most people could simply skip this movie altogether and never even realize that they had missed it. However, it doesn't necessarily make for a boring watch and is certain to entertain casual moviegoers to some extent though, said extent is probably not very far at all.
John Triton (Cena) is a recently-dismissed marine who was sent home after failing to follow orders. Kate Triton (Carlson) is his beautiful and beloved wife who supports him no matter and desires only to make him happy. Rome (Patrick) is a cruel and ruthless diamond thief who will betray anyone in order to line his own pockets. Angela (Bianca) is a cold-hearted killer who exists to serve Rome, her lover. When John and Kate are on their way to the mountains for a relaxing vacation, they happen to stop at the same gas station as Rome and Angela and their other henchmen, who have just pulled off a huge diamond heist. After a Rome's trigger-happy assistant, Morgan (Parker), shoots and kills a cop, Rome and his entourage destroy the gas station, leave John for dead, and kidnap Kate. But, John is not dead and he will do anything to save his wife. Suddenly, all hell breaks loose as John goes on a wild and explosive adventure to find his wife and bring her back home. But, what he doesn't know is that someone he thought he could trust is working for his greatest enemy.
The performances in "The Marine" are average at best, but they didn't really need to be any better. I didn't go into this movie thinking that it was going to have any Academy Award worthy performances. John Cena is best known (okay, so only known) for his long-time role in "WWE Monday Night RAW". Now, professional wrestlers are not typically good actors by any means. They are typically flat, emotionless cardboard cut-outs with muscles. Glen "Kane" Jacobs proved that he had what it took to portray a bloodthirsty serial killer with conviction in "See No Evil" so I was slightly optimistic for Cena's breakout role. Well, I got an average, but believable performance. He did a decent job. Kelly Carlson who is incredibly gorgeous, in my opinion, and quite talented also does a nice job. She first caught my attention with her provocative role in "Nip/Tuck" and she shows here that she can transition between television and film. Robert Patrick plays yet another villainous role I mean, really, this is getting very predictable. I guess he does what he is good at, because he too does fine. But, the guy really needs to start taking more diverse roles.
The biggest problem with "The Marine", aside from its glaring lack of originality and creativity, is the overall ridiculousness of the action. When things explode in this film, they explode and destroy everything for miles around except for our hero who is thrown several feet by the explosion into safety. Our hero is tossed around, thrown out of a car that is burning and flying off of a cliff, practically blown up, shot at (by assault rifles), and more and yet he remains almost completely unscathed. What, is he a robot, for crying out loud? On top of that, the music used in the movie is almost excruciating seriously. This is the first time in a long time where I actually thought that the music almost ruined the movie. It was dreadful and the random bits of humor and quirky moments were even worse. The recurring jokes about rock candy had me rolling my eyes and there are other jokes that get old just as fast. The dialog, itself, is horrendous and deeply false. However, "The Marine" didn't need good dialog to be a decent action movie, because, let's face it, a typical action movie replaces any substance it should have had with senseless violence and action. This is not necessarily a good movie, but it is entertaining enough to warrant a watch. But, just like with so many movies released lately, do not expect anything new.
Final Thought: Ridiculously over-the-top and silly, "The Marine" manages to get my recommendation because it is more fun than it should be.
Overall Rating: 5/10 (B-)