It's the October Holidays now here in Australia, which means day time television. Which frankly, is trouble - Pretty much anything on day time TV, from cooking shows from lame made-for-TV movies is pretty woeful. Nothing pains me more than watching day time television on Australian free-to-air. But as I have Cable Television, you'd be thinking "Hey, you don't have to deal with crappy shows and movies!" Oh yes I do..
Someone at Foxtel thought it would be a really funny joke to play "7-10 Split". I'm surprised they were able to stop laughing for a long enough to even get the movie. But why is this movie such a huge joke? Well, let me tell you why! Now, whatever you're thinking right now about "7-10 Split", it's worse. This movie is pretty much the bottom of the barrel. Well, actually, it's worse than what I originally thought. "7-10 Split" doesn't even deserve to be put in the same barrel. If I had to place it somewhere, (And it's hard decide, I tell you) it would in the middle of an erupting volcano.
"7-10 Spilt". Catchy, yes? "Well, it must be about bowling!" Correct! Well, kind of. It's actually about a struggling actor. "What? Then why is it called '7-10 Split'?". Aha, it's actually about a struggling actor who's trying to make his name by becoming a bowler! Yes, you heard right, he wants to become a known actor.. by bowling! How did they come up with a plot like this? Of all of the things to make a movie about, this is a pretty poor choice. I'm thinking a bunch of producers got drunk one night and stoned one night and picked a script by random and then threw it to the equally drunk and stoned director. But it gets better. It stars Tara Reid who for the past couple of years has done nothing but appear in a commercial for an Australian telephone company. Great But now here comes the truly horrible part I have to try and describe why this movie is so bad. Well, that's a real big problem, because everything is wrong. I don't want to waste your time listing everything there is to do when making a movie, so I'll try and tell you some of the worst things, yes some of the worse things! Which actually is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack.
If I had to attack one element off the top of my head, I would have to say the set design. In this movie, the main character goes around to several different bowling tournaments around the country. Simple, right? Just get a couple of different bowling alleys, clear them up and put some banners around, right? WRONG! Instead, someone arranged to go film at one of their mates' office block, clear out all the cubicals, grab some chairs, slap in a double lane bowling alley, and hang some sheets around to make it appear like a room. Well, apart from you can see the pins holding up the sheets, and you can see the gaps in the tops of the sheets. Now, this is bad enough, but to make it worse, they use the same location over and over, for almost all the tournaments! Yeah, you are reading this correctly. They just changed the banners.
Now it's one thing to have bad sets, but to make it worse, the acting is horribly lame and completely unfunny or convincing, there's some serious scripting problems (It's like no one ever read or edited it), the directing is dull, there's product placements for Beer Nuts and Guinness beer (Which I will point out was put in a fridge at one stage It's meant to be served at room temperature) the cinematography is bad, the film looks like someone nicked some film from a porno set, the music sounds like it was nicked while they were there and the wardrobe is disgusting. There's more.. but I'm becoming bored.
This would all be forgivable if the film had some charm, but there is none. It feels like there was no passion involved in making this film. On no level does this film ever appeal, in fact, if this film had been made 60 or so years earlier, I bet it would have been used by the SS to torture war prisoners. Given the choice, I'd rather be stabbed and left to bleed to death.
Oh, and I just want to say, I only saw about half an hour of it. Which was about half an hour too much.
Someone at Foxtel thought it would be a really funny joke to play "7-10 Split". I'm surprised they were able to stop laughing for a long enough to even get the movie. But why is this movie such a huge joke? Well, let me tell you why! Now, whatever you're thinking right now about "7-10 Split", it's worse. This movie is pretty much the bottom of the barrel. Well, actually, it's worse than what I originally thought. "7-10 Split" doesn't even deserve to be put in the same barrel. If I had to place it somewhere, (And it's hard decide, I tell you) it would in the middle of an erupting volcano.
"7-10 Spilt". Catchy, yes? "Well, it must be about bowling!" Correct! Well, kind of. It's actually about a struggling actor. "What? Then why is it called '7-10 Split'?". Aha, it's actually about a struggling actor who's trying to make his name by becoming a bowler! Yes, you heard right, he wants to become a known actor.. by bowling! How did they come up with a plot like this? Of all of the things to make a movie about, this is a pretty poor choice. I'm thinking a bunch of producers got drunk one night and stoned one night and picked a script by random and then threw it to the equally drunk and stoned director. But it gets better. It stars Tara Reid who for the past couple of years has done nothing but appear in a commercial for an Australian telephone company. Great But now here comes the truly horrible part I have to try and describe why this movie is so bad. Well, that's a real big problem, because everything is wrong. I don't want to waste your time listing everything there is to do when making a movie, so I'll try and tell you some of the worst things, yes some of the worse things! Which actually is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack.
If I had to attack one element off the top of my head, I would have to say the set design. In this movie, the main character goes around to several different bowling tournaments around the country. Simple, right? Just get a couple of different bowling alleys, clear them up and put some banners around, right? WRONG! Instead, someone arranged to go film at one of their mates' office block, clear out all the cubicals, grab some chairs, slap in a double lane bowling alley, and hang some sheets around to make it appear like a room. Well, apart from you can see the pins holding up the sheets, and you can see the gaps in the tops of the sheets. Now, this is bad enough, but to make it worse, they use the same location over and over, for almost all the tournaments! Yeah, you are reading this correctly. They just changed the banners.
Now it's one thing to have bad sets, but to make it worse, the acting is horribly lame and completely unfunny or convincing, there's some serious scripting problems (It's like no one ever read or edited it), the directing is dull, there's product placements for Beer Nuts and Guinness beer (Which I will point out was put in a fridge at one stage It's meant to be served at room temperature) the cinematography is bad, the film looks like someone nicked some film from a porno set, the music sounds like it was nicked while they were there and the wardrobe is disgusting. There's more.. but I'm becoming bored.
This would all be forgivable if the film had some charm, but there is none. It feels like there was no passion involved in making this film. On no level does this film ever appeal, in fact, if this film had been made 60 or so years earlier, I bet it would have been used by the SS to torture war prisoners. Given the choice, I'd rather be stabbed and left to bleed to death.
Oh, and I just want to say, I only saw about half an hour of it. Which was about half an hour too much.