Review of Kaw

Kaw (2006)
1/10
It's not even bad
9 June 2008
Warning: Spoilers
The problems with this movie are too many to list. First of all, they're birds. Big birds, yes. But birds. Yes, they can peck and tear at you with it their beak. But I refuse to believe that a person will die because of a dozen lacerations on their face and hands. Of course, I can understand it with people as stupid as the characters in the movie. Oooh, big birds are attacking my car......so.....I'll throw it in reverse and drive backwards as fast as I can without being able to see where I'm going. Let's see, I'm a deputy with a shotgun. I run way out in the middle of the street and start shooting randomly in the air without aiming. I keep shooting until...what?...you mean this thing doesn't hold 100 shells? Oh my God. What will I do? Run back inside? No. Get in the truck sitting right next to me? No. I'll stand in the middle of the street and scream while they eat me. And then theirs the ravens. Yes, ravens are smart. But by that, they mean they are smart, relative to birds. That means their brains generate 2 micro amps rather than 1. Dive bombing a bus with rocks to break the windows? Are you kidding me? First of all, how did they grip the rocks. Did they find some with handles? And even then, they couldn't lift a rock big enough to break safety glass. I was so reminded of the scene from Monty Python's Holy Grail when the English soldiers are debating how a swallow could carry a coconut.

But in the end, ravens or not, it all comes back to the fact that they are birds. Big birds yes, but birds. Even in the original The Birds (great movie), no one fights back. If I got attacked out in the open, with no place to seek cover, there would be a lot a ravens with broken necks before they'd do enough damage to take me down. And if I had time to prepare? Get a full face motorcycle helmet, leather jacket, leather gloves, shotgun and a case a 00 buck. Then you step outside and proceed to rapidly decrease the raven population.
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