1/10
the cinematic equivalent of munching on a gob of gummy panties...
1 January 2009
... actually, come to think of it, the gummy panties would probably be better, since there's the possibility of things like variety in flavors and kinds of underwear - maybe a nifty little thong too. Off track though, down to brass tax, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, deviants of all ages, this is Cindy and Donna, by far the most pornographic of the 2-disc 8-movie set of "Drive-in Cult Classics" released thanks to Crown Entertainment. It might have been better for those expecting something of an actual movie if they had kept this out, but the good news is for anyone who bought the discs expecting to get their fair share of soft-core masturbation material, it's here on a silver pseudo-psychedelic platter. Groovy s***, man? Not really.

There is no story. All it is is that Cindy and Donna are sisters, half-sisters in fact, who have a father (well one is the real father, we know this because the one who's the non-biological daughter gets a sex scene with the guy - that's right, near-incest, yum to that) that goes around to various whores and gets addicted to one that's her daughters' ages, and a mother who is drunk 24/7 and complains about her husband without doing much about it. They're obsessed with sex, see, or at least Donna has a bunch of it, from one guy, maybe two or three more. Oh, and there's pot too- that spurs on sex, you see, not like it doesn't actually make you, you know, totally mellow or laugh a lot or munchies or whatever. Cindy- who gets her own gorram theme song- is curious, a voyeur, peering in on any sex scene she can get her grubby little eyes on... and wonders, what is it "like"?

Well, the director, master craftsman Robert Anderson, who also has credits The Young Graduates and The Hoax (not the Richard Gere one, remember that for the exam), movies no one but his wife has probably seen, and so with Cindy and Donna, his first film, he puts everything he knows into his art... which means, basically, we get a scene like when Donna is totally 'doing it' with her pot dealer in the car at night, and Cindy is looking on but, you know, the angle of the car is so radical so that there's no way Cindy is looking in on the car that the angle of the camera is and... Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, this is, after all, Grade-X trash that has basically no value; a Cinemax late-night flick probably has better production value, and maybe slightly worse music than the repetitive garage rock here.

Acting also goes along with story, there is nearly none that does anything to further whatever point the filmmakers are making - which, of course, is none. It's sexploitation that has one or two moments of sexiness (the stripper/Ted's prostitute's dancing scene is hot, I'll give the film that), but also many, many dull patches throughout: any time Anderson actually tries to tell the story, or advance any characters, it's like a snowplow running full speed at high-tide on a beach, it just is flat-out s***. But hey, if hippie chicks who go through many, er, changes rocks your boat- not to mention one of the most abrupt "tragedy" endings ever horribly filmed- have at it. Out of the lot of 8 movies in the collection, it's by far the least redeeming, which says a LOT.
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