Review of Hitler's Last Train

"Special Train for Hitler" – although Hitler himself obviously doesn't board the train at any point during the movie – is a pretty stupid and sick spirited late 70's euro-exploitation effort that describes itself best as "Salon Kitty on Wheels". Because she's such a loyal supporter of Hitler's ideals, and because she regularly provides him sexual pleasures for free, Stürmbahnfuhrer Otto Kramer puts cabaret singer Ingrid Schüler in command of a very unique military project. She and several other patriotic females volunteer to railway all throughout The Third Reich on a coal train brothel and offer their bodies to German combatants to keep up their morals and to reward them for their devotion. They don't consider themselves to be prostitutes, however, since they refuse to have sex with low ranked front soldiers. The film follows their sleazy escapades from the rise of The Third Reich all the way to the invasion of American troops. There are numerous problems with "Special Train from Hitler", varying from incredibly inept dialogs to a complete lack of coherence, but the main issue is that the screenplay attempts to tackle far too many story lines. The uncut version lasts 110 minutes and that is WAY too long for a movie of this kind. Director Alain Payet launches new uninteresting sub plots whilst the previous ones are still unfinished and most of them are totally pointless anyway. There's the recurring theme of Ingrid Schüler (somewhat modeled after Dyanne Thorne in "Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS") gradually becoming greedier and madder with power, the continuous rivalry and hostility between the Nazi prostitutes, the confrontation with a bunch of Polish resistance fighters and the women's desertion to the Allies when things go wrong for Germany. There's also an incredibly dumb and wannabe emotional sub plot about the developing romance between a Nazi captain and one of the protestants. The film really tries to make us care for them, but … they're Nazis! Nazi-exploitation movies are hardly ever satisfying viewing material, but nevertheless I've seen quite a number of them. Go figure. "Special Train for Hitler" is not the worst of the bunch ("SS Experiment Camp" and "Red Nights of the Gestapo" are even worse in my opinion), but it definitely qualifies as one of the stupidest. There are numerous little and big things that don't make any sense, like characters changing their personalities multiple times and Russian ambushes appearing and disappearing again, but that's largely because this type of movies always puts the emphasis on sleaze and perversion. The orgies and sex footage is raunchy enough if you like this sort of stuff, with loads of spanking, bondage, rape, S&M and humiliating horseback riding. The film also contains an overlong scene in which an Aryan whore makes love to a German officer's booth. Perfectly normal, of course. Needless to say that, even though I found the DVD of this film in the erotic section of the video store, there's absolutely nothing erotic or even remotely arousing about it. Lead actress Monica Swinn is terribly unattractive, and she has more hair down there than the average gorilla, but the rest of her army of Gestapo wenches is quite beautiful. The prettiest actress in the cast, Sandra Mozarowsky who portrays Greta, apparently committed suicide in the same year this film got released and she was only eighteen years of age. What a shame!