This film begins in 100001 BC and we see a caveman fall into a pile of Wooly Mammoth crap. Then, he's attacked by a guy who looks like he's from "American Gladiators" and then an Amy Winehouse look-a-like with fangs. Then he awakens and a Flavor Flav lookalike is in bed with him and his girlfriend in the present. Shortly after this, a dwarf exits the bed and gives the leading man the finger. While parody is supposed to be silly, these images are so random you wonder if the film was written or they just took darts and threw them at story ideas--all very, very fast and all which fell completely flat--and many of which were just very, very crude to hide that it wasn't funny. And this, in a nutshell, is what follows for the next 90 or so minutes--one supposed parody after another after another--none of which made me laugh.
Here are my suggestions should they want to make another "Disaster Movie" or something like it:
1. Less jokes and slow down so you have time to work out the parodies. Quantity is NOT better than quality. Yet, at other times, unfunny skits go on and on and on and on and they had neither quantity nor quality. The Hannah Montana and "Enchanted" bits were beaten like dead horses.
2. Hire professional writers, not squirrels. I know they work cheap, but humor is NOT their forte.
3. Jokes about performing abortions with coat hangers aren't funny. The film DID this and I am sure the entire theater when deadly silent. Like cancer and 9-11, this is NOT a good topic for comedy.
4. Jokes involving dwarfs can work, but generally not. Unless you can get Mini-Me, don't bother.
5. Find talented actors and people who really can do parodies. It would also help if they vaguely look like the subject of the parody. Some did, many did not (like Hannah Montana).
6. "I just s#%$ myself" is not a particularly funny line. Avoid it.
7. Same goes for "suck on my placenta". Not funny.
8. Keep the "Enchanted" stuff--it's not great but compared to the rest of the film, it's gold. Just shorten it A LOT--this skit went on way too long and became 100% stupid. In fact, it was only funny for about 30 seconds.
9. If you're gonna use a lot of actors from "Mad TV", try to get the more talented ones.
10. No poop jokes. Poop is not comedy gold. Poop is just poop.
11. No "Kunk Fu Panda". No.
12. Get rid of Alvin and the Chipmunks unless you are willing to spend more than $13 for the puppets.
13. Keep Beowulf--one of the only funny characters in the film who stayed funny throughout. He came late in the movie, though, and by then I am sure most of the patrons left the theater or killed themselves and never saw him.
14. And, speaking of kill--kill the director, producers, writers and all the actors. I'm not sure if this is legal, but I assume most judges and juries would allow this if they saw the film.
Here are my suggestions should they want to make another "Disaster Movie" or something like it:
1. Less jokes and slow down so you have time to work out the parodies. Quantity is NOT better than quality. Yet, at other times, unfunny skits go on and on and on and on and they had neither quantity nor quality. The Hannah Montana and "Enchanted" bits were beaten like dead horses.
2. Hire professional writers, not squirrels. I know they work cheap, but humor is NOT their forte.
3. Jokes about performing abortions with coat hangers aren't funny. The film DID this and I am sure the entire theater when deadly silent. Like cancer and 9-11, this is NOT a good topic for comedy.
4. Jokes involving dwarfs can work, but generally not. Unless you can get Mini-Me, don't bother.
5. Find talented actors and people who really can do parodies. It would also help if they vaguely look like the subject of the parody. Some did, many did not (like Hannah Montana).
6. "I just s#%$ myself" is not a particularly funny line. Avoid it.
7. Same goes for "suck on my placenta". Not funny.
8. Keep the "Enchanted" stuff--it's not great but compared to the rest of the film, it's gold. Just shorten it A LOT--this skit went on way too long and became 100% stupid. In fact, it was only funny for about 30 seconds.
9. If you're gonna use a lot of actors from "Mad TV", try to get the more talented ones.
10. No poop jokes. Poop is not comedy gold. Poop is just poop.
11. No "Kunk Fu Panda". No.
12. Get rid of Alvin and the Chipmunks unless you are willing to spend more than $13 for the puppets.
13. Keep Beowulf--one of the only funny characters in the film who stayed funny throughout. He came late in the movie, though, and by then I am sure most of the patrons left the theater or killed themselves and never saw him.
14. And, speaking of kill--kill the director, producers, writers and all the actors. I'm not sure if this is legal, but I assume most judges and juries would allow this if they saw the film.