2/10
"Even galaxies must fall!"
20 December 2010
Warning: Spoilers
Astrology has never been a favourite subject of mine. The titular hero of this lame British sex comedy is an astrologer, and a darned good one judging from the way he lives. Plush apartment, fast car, trendy clothes. The late Alan Lake is 'David Galaxy' whose interest in heavenly bodies does not only extend to those to be found in the sky. Women cannot keep their knickers on in the presence of this after shave reeking, curly-haired, medallion man. While he tramps around late '70's London in search of a good time, two policemen ( Glynn Edwards and John Moulder-Brown ) have him under surveillance, believing him to been involved in a Securicor van robbery five years previously in which the driver died. 'Galaxy' is one of the most irritating characters ever to appear on the big screen. As played by Lake, you find yourself wishing he would jump in one. He calls his penis "Fido", pinches other people's jokes, and has a habit of doing rubbish impressions of the likes of John Wayne, Mohammed Ali, Larry Grayson and Basil Rathbone. It is hard to believe any self-respecting woman would give him the time of day. She would be more likely to laugh at him. In possibly the nadir of '70's British cinema, Galaxy is making out with lovely Amanda ( Sally Faulkener ) when he farts loudly. She complains - rightly so - but he sneers: "Everyone farts! All except one - YOU!".

There is a subplot in which 70's sex-pot Mary Millington plays 'Millicent Cumming' ( ho ho ho ), a poor little rich girl who's never had an orgasm in her life despite having slept with thousands of men. Galaxy does the trick, unaware that his best mate Steve ( Anthony Booth ) and bartender Joe ( Kenny Lynch ) have bugged the room and are listening to every puff and pant.

As someone who enjoyed the 'Confessions' movies with Robin Askwith ( and, to a lesser extent, the 'Adventures' series ), I found this a real chore to sit through. The script gives no-one anything amusing to do or say and wastes everyone, including Ballard Berkeley of 'Fawlty Towers'. Even the sex is not at that exciting. Lake's wife Diana Dors appears as the owner of the apartment block where he lives, and Bernie Winters ( minus Schnorbitz ) is 'Mr.Pringle'. Mary took her own life only a few months after this went on release. Both Dors and Lake passed on five years later. As well as Millington, we have the equally lovely Rosemary England as 'Sandra'.

The clock was ticking for this kind of movie in 1979. It flopped and was swiftly retitled 'Star Sex' ( sounds like the name of a Channel Four game-show ). A curio then. Don't expect much and you just might...get even less! Incidentally, if Galaxy is such a good astrologer how come he failed to predict his own incarceration in jail at the movie's end?
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