Review of The Rite

I have no belief in the supernatural but when it comes to movies there is nothing I like better than a good horror. If the movie is sufficiently well-made, then there is no problem suspending disbelief for cursed video tapes, cannibal zombies, giant monsters, vengeful ghosts or pretty much anything else. 'The Possession of Emily Rose' was a fairly good movie about demonic possession, but I can't think of another one. The problem with possession-based horror movies is that one either has to be a religious person who is already well-versed in such notions (and scared by them), or else the movie itself has to be very good at conveying a persuasive atmosphere of the dread and otherworldly malevolence that earthly manifestations of such beliefs should inspire. As with 'The Exorcist', 'The Rite' relies almost entirely on Christian (and specifically Catholic) beliefs for its horror value, and also as with 'The Exorcist', too bad if you're a non-believer because there's not much left over for you. In fact, the more seriously and obsessively both movies take their religious doctrines, the sillier they look. 'Tell me your name!' shouts would-be exorcist Michael Kovak repeatedly at the demon inhabiting Anthony Hopkins' character. 'Dave! Jeff! Sid Vicious! Punkinpuss!' one shouts back at the movie. Then there's the director's apparent belief that slapping a 'dungeon echo' soundtrack sound effect on everything from doors closing to people opening their eyes equals 'scary'. Question: How is a roomful of small frogs 'demonic'? Answer: I don't know; I was laughing too much at Muffin the Satanic Mule (yes, there's actually a satanic mule) to think straight. And the ultimate question as to why a demon might want to make its possess-ee swear, argue, crack their knuckles and contort their limbs (and how this activity might further the cause of Satan) is never addressed, much less how Biblical 'free will' might work with unwilling demonic possession. Kovak the conflicted 'atheist priest' is (surprise, surprise) a weak and insipid character, whilst the hardcore religious stuff is corny and embarrassing enough to have both believers and skeptics face-palming in unison. Throw in a couple of those cheap pop-up 'scares' (like a cat at a window. Argh! A cat at a window! Be still my beating heart!), and you have a lazy, stupid movie which wouldn't give a ten-year-old the heebie-jeebies. Acting-wise, Anthony Hopkins isn't too bad (when he's not pointlessly covered in 'scar' makeup and ranting hammily), but then any acting is wasted in a movie where the goings-on are so ridiculous. Neither scary nor profound, 'The Rite' is patronising and insulting to its audience, whether you're a firm believer or not. If you must rent it, then treat it like a comedy and that way you won't feel like your money was spirited away.