At first I thought this thing was, like "Reno 9-1-1", a parody of the brainless, low-rent, patently phony garbage that has come to be known as "reality" TV, as personified by the Kardashians, "Lizard Lick Towing" and other such abominations. However, after watching it for several painful minutes I realized that, unfortunately, these people actually ARE real (for lack of a better word). This jaw-droppingly, stomach-turningly, embarrassingly, hideously awful train wreck of a show consists of a tenth-rate "security" company--I wouldn't trust these people to guard roadkill--headed by Joan, a dull-witted, cigar-smoking, foul-mouthed gargoyle who has an utterly unjustified sense of her own importance who shuffles around the office issuing orders, insulting employees and doing nothing (other than making a complete fool of herself on a local cable-access TV show). Her slack-jawed husband--who proudly wears the most godawful toupee in recorded history, although he seems to be under the impression that no one notices it--is completely cowed by her and can't wait to get out of the house, but is incapable of drumming up any new business. Her "lieutenant" is a female-to-male transsexual who, sadly, thinks he's a combination of Rambo and Conan the Barbarian but comes across more of a combination of Truman Capote and RuPaul. As if he doesn't have enough problems, he also--for some ungodly reason--has a crush on Joan. To top things off, there's a skinny, ugly, stupid, constantly yapping Chihuahua who, if anything, is the perfect mascot for this show. I don't know what rock the producers kicked over to find this collection of bizarros and losers, but if you can sit through the entire 30 minutes of this disaster, you're a better man than I am Gunga Din.
This rancid, steaming pile of offal is, without exaggeration, the worst show ever shown on television on any network, at any time, in any country. It's just not physically possible that there has ever been a show, is now a show or ever will be a show worse than this one is. Ever.
This rancid, steaming pile of offal is, without exaggeration, the worst show ever shown on television on any network, at any time, in any country. It's just not physically possible that there has ever been a show, is now a show or ever will be a show worse than this one is. Ever.