Review of Alien Planet

I had to watch "Alien Planet" for my Introduction to Science Fiction class and let me tell you, I paid for that grade with bits of soul that I can never get back. The real crime is that this might have somehow worked if they had just made it into a film about space exploration, but as a "documentary" it plods along infinitely and mercilessly. There are only so many stories-tall aliens I'm willing to believe in, even in science fiction. There are only so many robo-life threatening situations that I'm willing to choke down. The real problem here is that there isn't ever a point that is being made. There is nothing to care about and there's no reason to watch. The protagonists are emotionless droids and the creatures encountered on the planet are silly to shark-jumpingly implausible. They're so implausible that they jump the shark, bite it in half, fly into the sky, reverse time by flying around the sun, and then coast lightly into theater seating where they eat Twizzlers at a Van Halen concert.

I feel bad for the real people that appeared on the screen during this project, some of whom might previously have been considered respectable. It can only make them look one way to have appeared in this mess, and that way, my friends, is bad.