3/10
Love means never having to say you're infested with an alien parasite.
8 January 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Let's cut to the chase: Boy meets girl. Both parties are emotionally and sexually stunted. Unexplained alien parasites are wandering around looking for humans to mutate into "Necroborgs" who fight one another to the death. Aliens turn both boy and girl into quasi-alien fighting machines, although they really, really like each other. Mayhem ensues, gallons of blood are spilled, and the boy finally proves his love by "growing" what amounts to a giant penis cannon from his chest and blowing up his girlfriend real good. No one ever said love comes easily.

This ridiculous and zany entry into Japanese splatter lacks a strong story, as well as the two main characters flat-lining in their performances. The earlier and much better "Tetsuo" is the movie "Meatball" is attempting to emulate. For all the wacky Bohemian mutation going on here, the entire enterprise simply becomes the worst thing it can mutate into: boring.

The mutated humans look as if they've been covered in epoxy and rolled around Home Depot creating hardware body shells from stuff mostly found in the plumbing and electrical parts section. Special mention to the rubber hose crew for ripping off the flailing tentacles first seen in John Carpenter's "The Thing". Far too much time is spent on human interior shots, where the parasites do their dirty work. The aliens look like pink versions of 1959's "The Tingler", crossed with those very expensive Hawaiian crab-claw flowers you pay 25 bucks apiece for in an uptown florist shop. The parasites spend a lot of time crying,evidently having sex with themselves, and giggling, for reasons unexplained...until the end of this junk, where you are treated to a ten-minute conversation between two parasites who are evidently pals playing a cosmic game of some sort. The viewer is treated to a final shot of a nasty eyeball thingy spaceship, with a happy voice-over that the games will continue.

By the time this stupid excuse for a movie rolls around, you'll feel like someone repeatedly hit you in the face with a plate of rotten sushi. There is not a single meatball in sight, which is sad. Very sad.
5 out of 9 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed