1/10
"Statistically there has to be one more homosexual in this class..." - "Damn! How did you know?"
6 February 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Yes, that line is really in this movie. IT'S LOGIC! More spoilers on the way: Another thing to learn from the film: Everybody really likes Arwen Evenstar (who is called Petra in this film) because she is really smart and has the mimic spectrum of a cow and is the only blonde woman. And by the way: If you have to decide which people to take with you into a bunker for one year - don't leave out the psychopath who suddenly commits mass murder and explains that by saying: "Well, they wanted me to do it. So I just shot them all. No problemo!" Because in a realistic scenario like this, he could very well be the bunker builder of all bunkers ever who builds them in a way so nobody else can ever leave them without him. What a great and mysterious bunker builder he is. IT'S LOGIC!

If you ever happen to be in a class, where you are to perform a theoretical survival game and the teacher himself ensures that every attempt to survive fails by constantly killing people or trying to rape them... Well, then you might happen to be at the film set of "Return of the Philosophers" or "G.I. PHILOSOPHY" or "The philosophy teacher who still wants to make philosophical sex to his best student so badly". And in that case you better leave the room. Otherwise you will inevitably be in the second worst movie ever made.

Now for some serious criticism: "The fact that I am gay doesn't mean I don't love you, Arwen Evenstar (Petra)! It just means I am never gonna have sex with you ever. And you shouldn't have sex with anyone else ever. And me being gay also means that I think I should not reproduce myself." Now that is from the movie. Gay people should not reproduce themselves. Clearly that is not messed up thinking in many ways, no. The movie calls it "Evolution by refusal to reproduce." IT'S LOGIC!

Did I mention the fact that they are able to get rid of the teacher in the third round of the experiment because they still know the door code from the first experiment? IT'S LOGIC! So you want more? There is more: People enter a bunker because of atomic apocalypse - apocalypse NOT taking place - teacher is hiding from radiation in a very deeeeeep cave and also survives. IT'S LOGIC! Guy gets killed by radiation and then gets eaten by a dog. ATOMIC APOCALYPSE SURVIVAL DOG IN THE HOUSE! So the people have to decide who may get into the bunker and who not. Suddenly someone has the keys to a funny little boat that will take people to an island without any radiation. You know, the no-atomic-apocalypse-island. IT'S LOGIC! Or the girl that gets voted out of the bunker because she will have cancer... in about 3 years. IT'S LOGIC!

Okay, now seriously. The film is full of philosophy so it is good for people with huge brains. Philosophy is the science of little riddles. Plato for example was a great riddle-maker, just like Wittgenstein or Superman or Nacho Libre. These people had huge brains. They had such huge brains that even their heads were extremely big.

"I know the world is ending and also 11 of us are going to die but I kinda have to ask you this question: Should I take these turtles with me into the bunker? I just found them at the river and they are sooo cute!"

Actually the whole film is a metaphor! It is about mentality and the way we look at life! And about loooooove! And about generations! And about lived philosophy! And about how everything is not always about logic! And to make that more clear they chose a bad script, crappy actors and let the guy who wrote the nonsense also be the director - all just so that he can get his message across! Plus there were some explosions, temples, beaches and bikinis, too. And a gay love scene which the actors obviously could not really perform for some reason so they just made it look as if they kissed each other. In the mysterious bunker-love-bed (which they have because after building a fitness room, a lounge, a light-therapy-room and several driving ranges inside the bunker, there simply was no more space for separate sleeping rooms, so they all sleep in the same room and share one huge love-bed for reproducing and stuff). Don't miss it! IT'S LOGIC!

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