Where is Cecil B. De Mille when you need him? It ought not to be possible to make a dull movie out of the story of Noah and the Ark, but Darren Aronofsky has managed to do just that. This leaden, plodding epic is a real dog's breakfast. The script is unremittingly grim, the music relentlessly dour.
The Bible tells us that "God spake unto Noah"; He spoke very vividly to Charlton Heston in De Mille's THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. In this version God has a non-speaking role; Noah (Russell Crowe) gets his orders via visions of a drowning world and the appearance of miracles. The Bible mentions that there were "giants" in the world at the time; this version recreates them as a cross between today's Transformers and the Golem monsters of Hebrew folklore - they do most of the labouring jobs and also fight off the Wicked People who, despite being armed with some very medieval weapons, are destined to perish in the Flood..
Taking further liberties with The Book, the writer/director gives Noah's three sons only one wife between them, which makes for an eyebrow-raising Mystery about how the post-Flood world is going to be repopulated. One of the sons of Noah is called Ham, although ham could also be the word that applies to Ray Winstone's performance as the leader of the Wicked People, unnamed in the Bible and here given a role to rival Noah's. Russell Crowe is a commandingly stern presence, a believable if unlikeable patriarch. Jennifer Connelly looks very modern as Mrs Noah, and their sons, like the Giants and the Wicked People, seem to belong more to Middle Earth than to the time before Abraham. Anthony Hopkins has a thankless cameo as Methuselah, Noah's grandpa, here gifted with miraculous powers to rival God's.
God is not called God in this version; He's called The Creator - perhaps in a nod to the Creationists in America's Bible Belt. But when Noah recounts the story of Creation to his family, the accompanying flashback looks more than a little Evolutionary. Trying not to offend people of different faiths, Aronofsky has probably managed to offend them all. GLADIATOR was a thrilling revamp of themes from BEN HUR. This revamp of the many takes on the story of the Ark, despite the addition of Giants and Ray Winstone and state-of-the-art CGI, is anything but thrilling.
The Bible tells us that "God spake unto Noah"; He spoke very vividly to Charlton Heston in De Mille's THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. In this version God has a non-speaking role; Noah (Russell Crowe) gets his orders via visions of a drowning world and the appearance of miracles. The Bible mentions that there were "giants" in the world at the time; this version recreates them as a cross between today's Transformers and the Golem monsters of Hebrew folklore - they do most of the labouring jobs and also fight off the Wicked People who, despite being armed with some very medieval weapons, are destined to perish in the Flood..
Taking further liberties with The Book, the writer/director gives Noah's three sons only one wife between them, which makes for an eyebrow-raising Mystery about how the post-Flood world is going to be repopulated. One of the sons of Noah is called Ham, although ham could also be the word that applies to Ray Winstone's performance as the leader of the Wicked People, unnamed in the Bible and here given a role to rival Noah's. Russell Crowe is a commandingly stern presence, a believable if unlikeable patriarch. Jennifer Connelly looks very modern as Mrs Noah, and their sons, like the Giants and the Wicked People, seem to belong more to Middle Earth than to the time before Abraham. Anthony Hopkins has a thankless cameo as Methuselah, Noah's grandpa, here gifted with miraculous powers to rival God's.
God is not called God in this version; He's called The Creator - perhaps in a nod to the Creationists in America's Bible Belt. But when Noah recounts the story of Creation to his family, the accompanying flashback looks more than a little Evolutionary. Trying not to offend people of different faiths, Aronofsky has probably managed to offend them all. GLADIATOR was a thrilling revamp of themes from BEN HUR. This revamp of the many takes on the story of the Ark, despite the addition of Giants and Ray Winstone and state-of-the-art CGI, is anything but thrilling.