Review of Nymphomaniac: Vol. II

Where to start? Watching Nymphomaniac, both volumes, is like going to an art show where feces is displayed, and everyone is standing around discussing the contours, layers, lighting, and you're standing quietly thinking to yourself, " I must be missing something. This is art! Isn't it?" Basically, the story of emperor's new clothes at its finest. I will be bold enough to say that no, I'm not missing anything. It really is just sh** I'm looking at. My final thought at the end of both volumes was "wow, those are hours I'm never going to get back." And it's not that the movie was all bad. Charlotte is wonderful, as are all the other actors. The topic is interesting. I didn't mind the nudity and I wasn't offended by any of it. There just isn't any point to it at all! None. Just when you think there may be some point in the friendship she develops with an asexual male, the story stuffs that thought into the toilet in the most confusing unnecessary way. Or when you think there is some point to her love story with Jerome, that is trashed in a very stupid way too. And if the director thinks that he is building up, just to let us down, well, he fails to build anything up since the whole movie is so boring and monotone. There just no point. And if the point of the movie is that there is no point, then why the Hell am I stuck staring at the screen for so long? Anyways, I am utterly disappointed. This is poop.