Girl House (2014)
3/10
A waste of time...
5 April 2015
Warning: Spoilers
A slasher film, set in the digital age of hackers, the internet, and modern technology; concerning the "camgirl" culture where dudes stare and chat with chicks who strip and do all kinds of fun stuff in front of their web-cams. All set in a high-security mansion controlled completely by computers, so that the girls can do their jobs safely away from creeps, stalkers, and psychos. That sounded like a film with potential, a film that would be interesting. But no, it's all just wasted potential and a big boring waste of time.

The film has no character to it, it felt very vanilla. The killer; who is called Loverboy, was such a clichéd and boring character. There was nothing intriguing about him at all. He had no special method of killing, no style or signature, no interesting motive, no interesting lore or background, just plain boring. The murder scenes were also lackluster, they had no build up, no intensity, just this fat dude appearing out of the blue and a killing people who do very little to fight for their lives. And boy are those scenes quick, some of them are even off-screen.

Story-wise it's also very basic; this good girl student needs to get money for school, she joins this web-cam porn website and meets the other girls, bonds with them, this psycho starts watching her, something goes wrong, and you know what happens next. It's really predictable and boring. There are no interesting twists or turns, no interesting characters, and characters who seem like they would have more to do in the film and end up doing nothing. Being predictable is fine in this genre, I wasn't expecting much in that case, but being boring is not fine. And that was the ultimate sin of this film, being boring. Hell, the way it was all resolved just had me yelling at the screen like, "That's it? THAT'S IT!? REALLY!?" It felt like a huge waste of time.

In the end it's about what you want from this type of film; what does the film provide. You like blood and gore? There is so little of it here. You like Sex, Ass, and Titties? There are some here and there but they don't even show the protagonist nude for some reason. You like a fun and campy horror flick? Nope, none of that here, almost completely humorless. You want a good story? HELL NO, none of that here. You want creative murders? All boring and basic as hell. You want an intriguing killer? Not here as well.

The film is as the title says, a waste of time. The only reason I gave it a rating which isn't 0, is because the production design and the cinematography are at least competent, it doesn't look cheap. And those reasons are not enough for me to enjoy the film. Far from it.
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