Monstroid (1980)
3/10
It's all true. Honest.
30 May 2016
Warning: Spoilers
According to this film, the events portrayed are based on fact, meaning that, in 1971, a really dumb looking monster, the result of industrial pollution, rose from a lake to terrorise the rural Colombian village of Chimayo, before eventually being blown to smithereens with dynamite, the creature's spectacular demise captured on camera by numerous onlookers, including a television crew. And yet no evidence of this remarkable event survives.

Even more unbelievable than writer/director Kenneth Hartford's claims of authenticity is the fact that he not only somehow scraped together a budget to film this hokey garbage, but also managed to get some semi-decent performers involved, including legendary horror actor John Carradine, Robert Mitchum's son James Mitchum, and Spanish character actor Aldo Sambrell. I can only guess that Hartford hid the film's incredibly pathetic looking monster from the cast until they signed on the dotted line.

Hartford also hides his creature from his audience for much of the running time, the large proportion of the film consisting of lots of dull dialogue and quite a lot of footage of helicopters taking off and landing. The monster is only seen clearly in the closing moments, when troubleshooter Travis (Mitchum) and cement-plant foreman Pete (Anthony Eisley) go fishing for the craptastic creature with a lamb stuffed full of explosives, at which point the film becomes a fully-fledged unintentional comedy.

2.5 out of 10, rounded up to 3 for the sheer chutzpah of player Pete, who dumps his beautiful blonde girlfriend Laura for equally attractive brunette Juanita, goes to meet Laura at the lake to explain his behaviour, has sex with her, and then immediately dumps her again, leaving her to get eaten by the monster! And he's one of the film's heroes!
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