Take a deep breath, stop drinking and eating, and let me lay out the premise of Day Of The Animals for you: big-haired women of the mid-70's have depleted the ozone layer with all their hairspray, and now UV radiation is turning animals into vicious kill-bots bent on human destruction.
My impression is that they meant for this to be an ecological-horror. Quite contrary! Though it reunites producer Edward Montero and Christopher George- whom I've only just yesterday finished ripping a new one in my review for Grizzly- there's another star, the true hero of the story, who just so happens to be playing the villain: Leslie Nielsen.
And yes, for you younger people, that is the guy from the Naked Gun series, and yes, he is freakin' hilarious. Which is how Day Of The Animals, quite unintentionally, put me in the correct mindset to receive it as comedy gold. Before we dive into the nitty-gritty, accept that reality.
Montero and his buddies wanted to make another Grizzly, which was them making another Jaws, and as South Park taught us, "If you french-fry when you should have pizza'd, you're gonna have a bad time." But if you accept the accidental comedy, you might actually enjoy it.
I've never reviewed a comedy, but I'll do my best!
Christopher George resumes his roll as Chiseljaw from Grizzly, which is to say his beautiful jawline probably drew in more women than would otherwise ever watch this garbage. I forget his character's actual name, but the comedy starts right off the bat with his overstated, quasi-country accent. He's leading a group of hikers out into wild high-country, despite the fact that his boss has been getting weird reports of crazed animals. Montero & Co. had a helicopter left over from shooting Grizzly, so they go ahead and pile all the tourist in those – that's my theory anyways – and we're really running with a few unintentional caricatures right off the bat targeting Native Americans and New-York accented whining women (come on, people, I thought the seventies were better than that).
But all is not well in Camelot. Something's rotten in the state of Denmark. There's been a disturbance in the Force (and this one goes to 11). Birds of prey surround the hikers at their very first stop as they hoof it up the mountain, squawking and screeching and generally reminding me more of Bigbird than serial killers. Being something of a raptor aficionado myself, I can't help but oogle at the cute little condors, redtails, and turkey-vultures. Back at base-camp... or town, or wherever it was the ill-fated hikers departed from... a mangy-looking dog growls menacingly, to add to the growing sense of unease (or in my case, the growing sense of amusement).
Oooh! Now the hawks are stalking the hikers? Sweet! We've got a regular Jeffrey Dahmer here.
I'd based my expectation off Grizzly, so I was actually surprised at how long we go before the first fatality. You'll have to wait nearly half an hour for the first animal attack. Not to worry: once we get the first body, the hilarity ensues in rapid succession. Leslie Nielsen moves to center-stage, rapidly evolving into the human antagonist with racist jokes and venomous one-liners.
Is this an actual plot element I detect? Is it possible that the ozone-radiation induced madness turning the animals into murderous gangbangers is also going to turn the humans into raving lunatics?
We've got hawks dragging people off cliffs, complete with Wilhelm scream. We've got Lone Wolf attacks- no, not that kind, literally a lone wolf- which somehow turns one victim's face not into hamburger meat, but rather leaves the attractive starlet with superficial red streaks. Meanwhile, solitary cougars have formed hunting packs, which has my inner naturalist guffawing at the reversal. We've got viking-inspired rats pillaging pantries, and then, faces! Supposedly vicious dogs, tails a-wagging out of lovable glee as they sew havoc and destruction.
By now it's 10PM and I'm a little drunk. Which is how I discovered Day of the Animal's true value: as a drinking game. Going forward, I'll highly recommend the film and the drinking rules as follow:
Drink whenever
1) You laugh at Chiseljaw's ridiculous accent 2) Leslie Nielsen calls the Native American guide "hotshot", makes fun of another hiker/delivers a one-line zinger, or does anything remotely racist (careful, you'll be drunk by about mid-film) 3) The supposedly menacing critters make you "ooh" and "ah" at their adorableness 4) You spot a fishing line attached to a leaping critter 5) The totally not a Jewish stereotype mom flips out
You can imagine how my night ended. Maybe the movie was hilarious, maybe I was just three sheets to the wind. I lasted to the credits, at least, at which point I proceeded to worship the porcelain throne face-first.
Was this movie a good horror film? Absolutely not. Was I too drunk to objectively determines its quality as a comedy? Probably. Was it the film's constant glare or my bargain-bin vodka responsible for my pounding headache afterward? God knows. Are the women- including the lead- there as anything but eye-candy, damsels in distress, and gore-fodder? Not really, but it was the seventies. How is it that the animals only target humans, but never each other? Come on, folks; we're talking about the people who made Grizzly. Don't go dragging logic into this equation!
I can't in good conscience recommend this movie to anyone who isn't ready to down a fifth of bourbon while watching. If interpreted as intended – as an eco-horror – it misses the mark entirely.
But if you watch it as an unintentional comedy, and you're the sort of person who gets off on truly horrible film, this one's right up your alley.
My impression is that they meant for this to be an ecological-horror. Quite contrary! Though it reunites producer Edward Montero and Christopher George- whom I've only just yesterday finished ripping a new one in my review for Grizzly- there's another star, the true hero of the story, who just so happens to be playing the villain: Leslie Nielsen.
And yes, for you younger people, that is the guy from the Naked Gun series, and yes, he is freakin' hilarious. Which is how Day Of The Animals, quite unintentionally, put me in the correct mindset to receive it as comedy gold. Before we dive into the nitty-gritty, accept that reality.
Montero and his buddies wanted to make another Grizzly, which was them making another Jaws, and as South Park taught us, "If you french-fry when you should have pizza'd, you're gonna have a bad time." But if you accept the accidental comedy, you might actually enjoy it.
I've never reviewed a comedy, but I'll do my best!
Christopher George resumes his roll as Chiseljaw from Grizzly, which is to say his beautiful jawline probably drew in more women than would otherwise ever watch this garbage. I forget his character's actual name, but the comedy starts right off the bat with his overstated, quasi-country accent. He's leading a group of hikers out into wild high-country, despite the fact that his boss has been getting weird reports of crazed animals. Montero & Co. had a helicopter left over from shooting Grizzly, so they go ahead and pile all the tourist in those – that's my theory anyways – and we're really running with a few unintentional caricatures right off the bat targeting Native Americans and New-York accented whining women (come on, people, I thought the seventies were better than that).
But all is not well in Camelot. Something's rotten in the state of Denmark. There's been a disturbance in the Force (and this one goes to 11). Birds of prey surround the hikers at their very first stop as they hoof it up the mountain, squawking and screeching and generally reminding me more of Bigbird than serial killers. Being something of a raptor aficionado myself, I can't help but oogle at the cute little condors, redtails, and turkey-vultures. Back at base-camp... or town, or wherever it was the ill-fated hikers departed from... a mangy-looking dog growls menacingly, to add to the growing sense of unease (or in my case, the growing sense of amusement).
Oooh! Now the hawks are stalking the hikers? Sweet! We've got a regular Jeffrey Dahmer here.
I'd based my expectation off Grizzly, so I was actually surprised at how long we go before the first fatality. You'll have to wait nearly half an hour for the first animal attack. Not to worry: once we get the first body, the hilarity ensues in rapid succession. Leslie Nielsen moves to center-stage, rapidly evolving into the human antagonist with racist jokes and venomous one-liners.
Is this an actual plot element I detect? Is it possible that the ozone-radiation induced madness turning the animals into murderous gangbangers is also going to turn the humans into raving lunatics?
We've got hawks dragging people off cliffs, complete with Wilhelm scream. We've got Lone Wolf attacks- no, not that kind, literally a lone wolf- which somehow turns one victim's face not into hamburger meat, but rather leaves the attractive starlet with superficial red streaks. Meanwhile, solitary cougars have formed hunting packs, which has my inner naturalist guffawing at the reversal. We've got viking-inspired rats pillaging pantries, and then, faces! Supposedly vicious dogs, tails a-wagging out of lovable glee as they sew havoc and destruction.
By now it's 10PM and I'm a little drunk. Which is how I discovered Day of the Animal's true value: as a drinking game. Going forward, I'll highly recommend the film and the drinking rules as follow:
Drink whenever
1) You laugh at Chiseljaw's ridiculous accent 2) Leslie Nielsen calls the Native American guide "hotshot", makes fun of another hiker/delivers a one-line zinger, or does anything remotely racist (careful, you'll be drunk by about mid-film) 3) The supposedly menacing critters make you "ooh" and "ah" at their adorableness 4) You spot a fishing line attached to a leaping critter 5) The totally not a Jewish stereotype mom flips out
You can imagine how my night ended. Maybe the movie was hilarious, maybe I was just three sheets to the wind. I lasted to the credits, at least, at which point I proceeded to worship the porcelain throne face-first.
Was this movie a good horror film? Absolutely not. Was I too drunk to objectively determines its quality as a comedy? Probably. Was it the film's constant glare or my bargain-bin vodka responsible for my pounding headache afterward? God knows. Are the women- including the lead- there as anything but eye-candy, damsels in distress, and gore-fodder? Not really, but it was the seventies. How is it that the animals only target humans, but never each other? Come on, folks; we're talking about the people who made Grizzly. Don't go dragging logic into this equation!
I can't in good conscience recommend this movie to anyone who isn't ready to down a fifth of bourbon while watching. If interpreted as intended – as an eco-horror – it misses the mark entirely.
But if you watch it as an unintentional comedy, and you're the sort of person who gets off on truly horrible film, this one's right up your alley.