Review of Arnold

Arnold (1973)
7/10
Till death do us … unite in holy matrimony?!?
9 June 2017
Warning: Spoilers
The least you can say about "Arnold" is that it features an incredibly inventive and completely original plot! When I first read the synopsis, I actually didn't understand what was meant! "Upon his death, Arnold marries his long-time mistress Karen…" What? Wait a minute, the titular character Arnold is dead from the beginning of the film but he nevertheless gets married? No worries, though, as the downright phenomenal opening sequences pretty much clarify everything immediately! And I use the word "phenomenal" because the film opens with atmospheric images of a fog-enshrouded and morbidly ancient cemetery where a black cat challenges a vicious raven to a fight! Moments later a depressing funeral procession enters the church, immediately followed by a cheerful white-dressed bride surrounded by her joyous maids! By then you will also have figured out that "Arnold" is, in fact, also a parody next to being an old- fashioned gruesome horror film. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think there exist many other ways for a film to start more promising or peculiar!

It turns out that Arnold's shrew of a wife never agreed to a divorce while he was alive, so he arranged to wed his mistress after he died! Arnold was a very wealthy but also eccentric man, and thus he astounds his ex-wife and greedy family members one last time by declaring in his will that his new wife Karen inherits his entire fortune and giant estate! There's one little condition, though… They have to remain married and Arnold needs to remain with her in his open coffin until death do them part (again). Oh, by the way, did I mention that the deceased reads the testament to his family himself? He actually as a tape deck build into his coffin (!) and while the recordings are playing he lays there with a giant evil grin on his dead face! Obviously the testament causes further jealousy and hatred in the family, and even the brand new bride quickly turns out to be treacherous and in favor to put Arnold underneath the ground as fast as possible. But new tapes continue to arrive and illustrate how Arnold is always several steps ahead of his evil family. Although dead, he seemingly sees through their diabolical plans to get their hands on the fortune and prevents them by setting up freakish and painful death traps.

I really enjoyed "Arnold" a great deal in spite of some major defaults! Many other reviewers already righteously compared the film with "The Abominable Dr. Phibes". Even though that film benefited from much better direction and a smiling corpse could never replace the almighty Vincent Price, there are indeed a lot of similarities. "Arnold" is basically a throwback/homage to the good old days of dark mansions full of booby-traps, secret peeping holes in paintings and despicable family members fighting over an inheritance. There isn't a lot of tension, some parts are dull & slow-paced and the denouement is very predictable, but still the murders are gruesome and inventive (burning acid stirred into facial cream, shrinking suits, collapsing shower walls…) and – as said already – the set pieces are magnificent. Some of the parody aspects entirely miss their effect, while others are really funny! Personally, I loved the Constable Hooke character (Bernard Fox) and how he persists on reporting the macabre deaths as terribly unfortunate accidents. He also speaks a downright fantastic – in my humble opinion, at least – piece of monologue: "I wonder … Is it always foggy here because it's a cemetery, or did they build a cemetery here because it's always foggy?" Oh, and final note for the avid horror nerds, that's Elsa "Bride of Frankenstein" Lanchester in the role of naive, cat- caressing sister!
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