Torpedo Run (1958)
3/10
I should give this movie zero, but I'm feeling generous!
8 July 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Copyright 1958 by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. New York opening at the Capitol: 24 October 1958. U.S. release: October 1958. U.K. release: 11 January 1959. Australian release: 15 January 1959. 98 minutes. Censored in the U.K. to 95 minutes in order to gain a "U" certificate.

SYNOPSIS: Barney Doyle, sub commander of the U.S.S. Grayfish, has two major concerns: one, he worries over the fate of his wife and child, taken prisoner by the Japanese when Manila fell; and two, he wonders if he'll ever get a crack at the Japanese carrier, Shinaru, flagship of the Pearl Harbor attack. Both questions are answered at the same time. On the day he gets the Shinaru in his periscope sights, he learns from COMSUBPAC that his family are aboard a transport shielding the carrier. Despite the objections of his executive officer, Archer Sloan, Barney feels duty-bound to fire. The Japanese scheme works — the Shinaru escapes into Tokyo Bay.

VIEWERS' GUIDE: Adults.

COMMENT: Few people set out to make a bad movie. A cheap movie, yes, but one that purposely fails to entertain its intended audience, that's rare. Yet sometimes you wonder what audience producers could have been thinking of when they made a particular picture. "Torpedo Run" is a case in point. An audience composed entirely of rabid Glenn Ford and/or Ernest Borgnine fans is the only one I can nominate that would enjoy "Torpedo Run". Lots and lots of close-ups of Glenn and Ernie, acting out their preposterous lines in a perfectly serious manner, not the slightest traces of mockery or deprecation in their voices. (The other players are a solidly stolid bunch too, but their roles are strictly support, so they don't count for much).

Maybe the movie is popular with fans of director Joe Pevney? I'm kidding. Joe doesn't have any fans. Doesn't deserve any either. A strictly pedestrian, totally unimaginative hack. An interesting actor, but a totally lousy director. Action fans, then? What action? Well, yes, if you like lots of blown-up, ill-matching stock footage and obvious models. CinemaScope fans? Well 'Scope is hardly the medium for claustrophobic submarine interiors — and that's where maybe 90 of the movie's 98 minutes is set. Movie fans? "Torpedo Run" is not a movie. It's radio soap opera, with one-dimensional characters, phony conflicts, and absolutely zilch in visual appeal.
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