King of Thorn (2009)
5/10
Thing of Korn
7 October 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Knowing nothing of the movie, I looked at the box art and thought that this might be an interesting, thoughtful sci-fi/fantasy with dark fairy tale elements. It's not.

It's schlock.

A space-born virus is petrifying (literally) the human race so a zillionaire sets up a cryo "ark" deep underneath a Scottish castle to send a handful of lucky randoms to live in a better future. Of them are Japanese twin sisters Kasumi and Shizuku, who has not been chosen and is only there to see her off. The sleepers are rudely awakened by horrific creatures (who are apparently CGI and rendered in a lower frame-rate) who tear them apart as they attempt to escape the castle, which has now been infested with thorny vines.

It's an intriguing premise up until this point, but then it all begins to fall apart, quickly. With each attempt at explaining the mystery it becomes more and more moronic. Horrible dialogue and a muddled, confusing plot turn it into a borderline comedy. The allusions to Sleeping Beauty are ill-conceived and just don't work. If anything, this movie is much more like Resident Evil than the thoughtful fantasy I wanted it to be. An attempt at a plot twist just about saves this from a lower score.

It's a Sunday afternoon mild distraction while you do the ironing or the dishes. Don't go into this nonsense expecting a Miyazaki epic.
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