7/10
One Million Years B.C. Part 2.
13 December 2017
Warning: Spoilers
When dinosaurs ruled the earth, man was but a twinkle in evolution's eye, but the makers of this film don't let scientific fact get in the way of entertainment, depicting humans co-existing with prehistoric reptilian monsters. They also get a little creative concerning the formation of the moon, but more about that in a second.

Voluptuous Victoria Vetri stars as Sanna, a blonde cave-girl who is about to be sacrificed to the sun when a sudden celestial occurrence causes hysteria, allowing her to escape: as the sun gives birth to the moon (I don't know how else to describe it), she dives into the sea and swims to safety. Regaining their composure, the other cave-people give chase. The remainder of the film sees the buxom cave-babe on the run, avoiding capture with a little help from handsome cave-man Tara (Robin Hawdon).

With a thin plot that gets a little repetitive (Tara is captured twice and escapes both times), director Val Guest tries his best to avoid tedium (and mostly succeeds) by ensuring that there is plenty of eye-candy on display, not just in the form of the many scantily clad cave people, but also with some impressive location work (the Canary Islands), and quite a few prehistoric creatures: a plesiosaur, a ceratops, a generic dinosaur and its offspring (who, in the film's silliest moment, Sanna befriends), a pterosaur, and some giant crabs, all brought to life by stop-motion animator Jim Danforth. There are also a few regular lizards with frills and horns glued to their bodies.

For most of the time, the film is family-friendly fare, Vetri somehow managing to stay inside her teeny bikini (which is even smaller than Raquel Welch's garb in One Million Years B.C.), but towards the end of the film matters get a little saucier: a caveman forces himself on a cavewoman (who has her top ripped off), and Vetri gets buck naked, to have cave-sex with Tara and for a spot of skinny-dipping.

The film closes with the moon, now fully formed, suddenly affecting the tide, causing a tsunami that leaves Sanna and Tara, plus another good-looking cave-couple, safe and sound, their enemies washed away by the giant wave.
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