5/10
Review by mob boss Gianni Marsana
3 March 2019
Peter Lee Lawrence, son of rich businessman, is visiting a local Cardinal in Venice when he locks eyes with Erika Blanc. Following her out into the street, he woos her with flowers and soon enough they are in love. The kind of love that has them running through a busy Piazzo, laughing. The kind of love where they spin round in circles, laughing. What I was wondering is, when Erika leaves the Cardinal's house, she walks by a cat sitting on the ground, licking its own arse. Was that left in on purpose?

Peter and Erika secretly plan to get married, so Peter's just a little bit completely devastated when his father shows him a newspaper article saying that Erika died in a car crash. Crushed, Peter tries to get on with life, hooking up with Ivana Novak in a pairing that his father seems to favour more than Erika.

You know how it is with these films - death is just a mild irritant when it comes to Italian Gothic horror and the Giallo. After Peter visits Erika's grave, he's out and about when he spots someone who rather looks a lot like Erika out taking pictures on a building site. Before you know it Erika doesn't have a grave, there's no news about a car crash, and Peter can't even find Erika's family. The explanation for this makes absolutely no sense if you try thinking about it too much, but I'm still not going to reveal it here.

Peter's investigations into Erika lead to the best part of the film - Gianni Marsana! Gianni Marsana is a mob boss, but the best thing about Gianni Marsana is that Gianni Marsana always talks about himself in the third person. "Gianni Marsana loves Greggs' Steak Bakes!" "Gianni Marsana intends on taking a short cut by Rotherham to avoid roadworks near the Humber Bridge." "Gianni Marsana likes that - do it faster!" Gianni is a mob boss and he's up to something and using possibly fake Erika for his nefarious plans. This leads to Peter trying to get to fake Erika via Gianni Marsana, with girlfriend Ivana Novak following Peter and talking to Gianni Marsana while stranger Silvano Tranquillo spies on everyone. Gianni Marsana doesn't like spies! There's also a sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub plot with one of Gianni Marsana's henchmen.

None of this any good, mind you. It goes from cheeseball romance to giallo to Eurocrime, seems to wrap everything up early and stills drags on, trying to explain stuff you don't care about. At least they don't forget about Gianni Marsana - Gianni Marsana hates films with loose ends!
3 out of 3 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed