I like kung fu movies, even bad kung fu movies--and let's face it, most of them are bad. I'm not looking for Oscar-worthy performances or award winning scripts, I'm just looking for a star pupil to avenge his master and display some acrobatic fighting skills in the process.
I didn't think I'd ever see a kung fu movie I didn't like until this one. And that really sucks because the title is so boss. "The One Armed Swordsman." You know how next level you have to be to be a kick-ass swordsman with one arm? But sadly, the title was the only good thing about this movie.
If we can start with how he lost his arm I think I will effectively recruit many of you to my side. Of course, I thought he lost his arm to a top-level boss that he'd have to defeat later. Nooooo, no, no, no, no... he lost his arm to a scorned woman who, in a tantrum, made a delicate brief swipe with her sword and severed the guy's arm. If you saw this sword stroke you would think she couldn't have even cut through Jello let alone an adult male arm complete with skin, muscle, and bone.
The method of the arm loss was just the beginning. If I wasn't perturbed enough at how he lost the arm, then the reaction of the two onlookers and the offender surely was enough. Mind you, the three people there with the arm-loser were from the same school. They may not have been fond of him, but I don't think they wanted to lop his arm off. Maybe in early China losing an arm was an everyday occurrence because those present could not have been less indifferent about the matter. They looked at him like he just got a paper cut. Like, "Well that sucked. Where are we going for lunch?"
But all of that was still secondary to the true drawback of this movie which was twofold: the fighters and the fighting. The fighters looked like anything but and the fighting looked like anything but. The fighters looked weak, wimpy, and soft. They dressed too florid, had soft unintimidating faces, and even had impotent gestures. These were sword fighters for goodness sake, doesn't it require some muscle? And the fighting wasn't well choreographed. The movements were too slow with too many camera cuts. Hire some athletic actors and put some effort into the choreography that's all I ask.
They really mailed this one in. Even the title, as attractive as it is, didn't take much brain power. A one-armed swordsman is a brilliant idea, but the project wasn't over with just the idea. Take that next step and make that idea worthwhile.
I didn't think I'd ever see a kung fu movie I didn't like until this one. And that really sucks because the title is so boss. "The One Armed Swordsman." You know how next level you have to be to be a kick-ass swordsman with one arm? But sadly, the title was the only good thing about this movie.
If we can start with how he lost his arm I think I will effectively recruit many of you to my side. Of course, I thought he lost his arm to a top-level boss that he'd have to defeat later. Nooooo, no, no, no, no... he lost his arm to a scorned woman who, in a tantrum, made a delicate brief swipe with her sword and severed the guy's arm. If you saw this sword stroke you would think she couldn't have even cut through Jello let alone an adult male arm complete with skin, muscle, and bone.
The method of the arm loss was just the beginning. If I wasn't perturbed enough at how he lost the arm, then the reaction of the two onlookers and the offender surely was enough. Mind you, the three people there with the arm-loser were from the same school. They may not have been fond of him, but I don't think they wanted to lop his arm off. Maybe in early China losing an arm was an everyday occurrence because those present could not have been less indifferent about the matter. They looked at him like he just got a paper cut. Like, "Well that sucked. Where are we going for lunch?"
But all of that was still secondary to the true drawback of this movie which was twofold: the fighters and the fighting. The fighters looked like anything but and the fighting looked like anything but. The fighters looked weak, wimpy, and soft. They dressed too florid, had soft unintimidating faces, and even had impotent gestures. These were sword fighters for goodness sake, doesn't it require some muscle? And the fighting wasn't well choreographed. The movements were too slow with too many camera cuts. Hire some athletic actors and put some effort into the choreography that's all I ask.
They really mailed this one in. Even the title, as attractive as it is, didn't take much brain power. A one-armed swordsman is a brilliant idea, but the project wasn't over with just the idea. Take that next step and make that idea worthwhile.