Touch Me Not (I) (2018)
8/10
What a savagery it is to be yourself
18 February 2020
In Touch Me Not the line between art and documentary is barely noticeable. The events that are often presented by the director herself are devoid of any cinematic effects and look all too real on camera. Obviously, professional actors were involved in the creation of Touch Me Not. However, many of the actors play themselves in the movie, which makes you believe them, empathize, understand and accept.

The given film is deservedly scandalous. Adina Pintilie shows us the things we would like to neither notice nor see. The film reveals that sometimes even lying next to each other is a challenge.

The main character of the film, Laura, cannot tolerate it when other people touch her. We do not know if it is inborn or there was something that made her become withdrawn. Gradually, Adina Pintilie pulls back the curtains adding new details that let us guess the reason behind Laura's vulnerability.

It appears to be an old man she visits at the hospital. He is the heart of the problem. Every time Laura meets him, she is reserved. It is only after some time has passed she finds the courage to show her anger and frailty in the face of the bitter hatred she feels towards the man.

All throughout the film, Laura seeks the answer to the question of how to develop intimacy after being abused.

Genuine intimacy is to reconcile with yourself. At the same time, though, we need other people to understand ourselves better. The woman associates herself with those who surround her, with what they do and how they do that. Their bodies become her body.

However, Laura is not always able to achieve what she is striving for. As a rule, everything happens the other way around. There is no closeness, no physical intimacy, let alone mental intimacy.

Watching a gigolo taking a shower, Laura wants to talk to him, to learn more about him. She is willing to find out what it is like to be in a relationship with someone. What she gets instead is the man who shamelessly undresses and leaves the woman alone. The only thing left, though, is the man's smell on the tumbled sheets.

On her way, Laura encounters different partners and mentors. Among them, she is looking for somebody who she could show her true self to. She is in search of her container of warmth, emotions and feelings.

It seems that all the people around Laura might release her from the prison of her own body. Yet, besides being afraid of physical intimacy, she is even more afraid of her reaction to being touched. When someone crosses the line, she shouts reminding the person of WHAT they have done. She screams as if she wants to get rid of her anger, but, in fact, she dives in it deeper and deeper.

In Touch Me Not everybody is brutally honest. You might get the feeling that you have entered the world without lies. All the characters, often in the form of a confession-like interview, say what they feel, how they live and what they suffer from. They honestly claim that you can love yourself despite the flaws. For instance, disability is sometimes viewed by society as a weakness or defect. There is a stereotype that if you live with severe disability, your sexuality is asleep, you cannot give and get sensual pleasure.

Laura accidentally finds the place where sessions of physical contact are conducted for such people, as they lack tactual sensations in their lives. Their eyes are closed and their fingers are touching someone else's face. They do have a craving for intimacy and it is not unexpected.

Things that one might perceive as deviations are the norm for others. After all, we choose what is the norm and what is not, labelling it as 'unacceptable'. There are a lot of things in the film that may seem wrong or absurd - it can be a man who feels like a woman and caresses his breasts or a secret sex club where you can see a real BDSM party (far not like the one in 50 Shades of Gray or paperback romantic books) where there are pure dominance and the rope that tightly clasps around all the bones of a fragile girl.

There are many invisible people in the film. Like shadows, they follow others as well as one another. These people are lost and want to be invisible.

Perhaps, it is the reason why there are so few words in the film. People simply do not want to attract attention by being different, by their far from ideal bodies, unusual behavior, non-trivial problems. They seem to be restrained in their thoughts and actions.

Touch Me Not is a dizzyingly nonuniform film. It does not have a single center of gravity. There is closeness, alienation, escape acceptance of oneself and a great deal of life. In such life, you have nothing left to do but be yourself.
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