"Cold River"
A Non-Review by Professor Popinjay
Another movie about two kids lost in the wilderness? Oh no! Did Pa find his Super 8 camera again? And after we tried so hard to hide it from him after his last cinematic masterpiece Black Thunder Mountain. Okay so it's not the same "film maker" as that movie but after seeing Black Thunder Mountain first I can't help but harken back to it due to Cold River's similarities.
This one seemed to have a slightly higher production value as it features James Earl Jones...'s father. That's right Robert Earl Jones shows up in this film and helps these poor list kids right nicely.
So this is starting to come back to me. It's not the old West but it sure seems like it. It's probably like late 1950's or 60's. The family starts in a fairly modern house and either they go back in time and I just missed the scene where that happens or it's still modern times and there's just a bunch of weirdos in the woods and Robert Earl Jones lives in a cabin pretending to be an old timey trapper. All I know is, this film starts with a middle aged woman getting onto a plane after a debate with some kind of government council.
Flashback to the kids (obviously the middle aged woman is the girl in the story), they go camping with their dad. He dies somehow... oh yeah, spoiler alert. Sorry. Then the kids get tracked by some weirdo. Then they meet Darth Vader's father and he dies. NOoOoOoOoO! Then the weirdo comes back and steals Christmas (Not joking). Then some soldiers show up and are like "What the heck are you kids doing!?!" Or that might've been the ending to Lord of the Flies. I can't remember and I don't care!
Cut back to the girl now all grown up on the plane thinking about how terribly things went at the council. Turns out she was formally protesting the building of a dam on the river in that territory because she had had such a WONDERFUL time there as a girl and would HATE to see that place ravaged by modern progress. I don't make much sense of that though. If I had been through what those kids endured I'd be like "Yeah, flood the place. Pave the entire area. Build a shopping mall there. Freaking weirdo breaks into Darth Vader's deceased dad's wilderness shanty and steals my Christmas and takes up residence! Hope you're still living in his cabin when they bulldoze it!"
Sorry, that got dark for a second there. I'm back now. What movie was I talking about?
That's right, I remember now. So, yeah, Lord of the Flies is a great commentary on unaccountable human nature and the slow progress of civilization when only one kid in the group has heat vision. The End.
Another movie about two kids lost in the wilderness? Oh no! Did Pa find his Super 8 camera again? And after we tried so hard to hide it from him after his last cinematic masterpiece Black Thunder Mountain. Okay so it's not the same "film maker" as that movie but after seeing Black Thunder Mountain first I can't help but harken back to it due to Cold River's similarities.
This one seemed to have a slightly higher production value as it features James Earl Jones...'s father. That's right Robert Earl Jones shows up in this film and helps these poor list kids right nicely.
So this is starting to come back to me. It's not the old West but it sure seems like it. It's probably like late 1950's or 60's. The family starts in a fairly modern house and either they go back in time and I just missed the scene where that happens or it's still modern times and there's just a bunch of weirdos in the woods and Robert Earl Jones lives in a cabin pretending to be an old timey trapper. All I know is, this film starts with a middle aged woman getting onto a plane after a debate with some kind of government council.
Flashback to the kids (obviously the middle aged woman is the girl in the story), they go camping with their dad. He dies somehow... oh yeah, spoiler alert. Sorry. Then the kids get tracked by some weirdo. Then they meet Darth Vader's father and he dies. NOoOoOoOoO! Then the weirdo comes back and steals Christmas (Not joking). Then some soldiers show up and are like "What the heck are you kids doing!?!" Or that might've been the ending to Lord of the Flies. I can't remember and I don't care!
Cut back to the girl now all grown up on the plane thinking about how terribly things went at the council. Turns out she was formally protesting the building of a dam on the river in that territory because she had had such a WONDERFUL time there as a girl and would HATE to see that place ravaged by modern progress. I don't make much sense of that though. If I had been through what those kids endured I'd be like "Yeah, flood the place. Pave the entire area. Build a shopping mall there. Freaking weirdo breaks into Darth Vader's deceased dad's wilderness shanty and steals my Christmas and takes up residence! Hope you're still living in his cabin when they bulldoze it!"
Sorry, that got dark for a second there. I'm back now. What movie was I talking about?
That's right, I remember now. So, yeah, Lord of the Flies is a great commentary on unaccountable human nature and the slow progress of civilization when only one kid in the group has heat vision. The End.