Review of Witchery

They really want you to be creeped out by the seashore house, but I need a bit more than some peeling paint and goofy late 80s keyboard loops. Old witch likes to appear in ridiculous fashion akin to the best moments in Troll2. Hasselhoff attempts a weird southern accent, which he throws away thankfully after the first scene. Unfortunately, Leslie is a virgin and the Hoff doesn't think it's good for her at her age, subtly offering to fix it, of course. Maybe if she had... we'll, then we wouldn't have this movie. There are scenes in this film that remind you of a cheap haunted house (the bathtub scene). The woman in the window, played by Hildegard Knef ( possibly the best fraulein name I've ever heard) is also the main mysterious force the movie is named for. Scenes between Knef and the little boy are truly horrific acting-wise lol. There are a couple of okay gross out scenes like when Rose has her lips sewn shut. Or when they unwittingly have a "Rose BBQ" when they light the fireplace. The actor who plays Freddie Brooks reminds me of John Waters, and certainly brings that "flair". Linda Blair is good in the lead, however everything seems disjointed, and at times she appears to be just taking direction. If you can make it through the slog of a first half, with its terrible Sid and Marty Croft like visual effects, the last 20 minutes are more enjoyable- especially the few over the top classic gross out effects. Not Fulci or anything, but out of the same vein. Cast with a dram of Old Forrester 1910. Cheers!