1971's "Pretty Maids All in a Row" is indeed a curious item from MGM, Gene Roddenberry's only feature film production apart from his six STAR TREK franchise entries, adapted by Roddenberry at the behest of former Desilu executive Herb Solow from Francis Pollini's forgotten 1968 novel about high school teachers seducing willing students with a serial killer on the loose. With his legendary glorification of the opposite sex, and William Ware Theiss back on board as costume designer, the producer also secured the sadly brief services of James Doohan and William Campbell as sidekicks to investigator Sam Surcher, played by Telly Savalas two years before his star making turn as television's KOJAK. Future POLICE WOMAN Angie Dickinson undoubtedly turned masculine heads as substitute teacher Miss Smith, the object of desire for frustrated student Ponce (John David Carson), understandably obsessed as he is by such close proximity to braless, nubile pubescence before, during, and after class (male viewers can only wonder at the camera's eagle eyed ogling of every comely female form in sight). Surcher's prime suspect is football coach and guidance counselor Tiger McDrew, with his accomplished background in psychology and a Purple Heart from the Korean War, a definite change of pace for top billed Rock Hudson, only 12 years removed from Doris Day and "Pillow Talk," and likely a surrogate for producer Roddenberry himself in his frequent seductions and pontifications, all with a beautiful wife and young daughter at home (he too would soon find a home on the small screen in McMILLAN AND WIFE). Roddy McDowall's frazzled principal Proffer is only concerned about the bad publicity, quick to overlook Tiger's randy ruminations so long as his team performs on the football field, and private 'testing' sessions behind locked doors with naked students a daily occurrence. Nothing seems quite right about this high school, remaining open for football and class despite the growing number of undressed corpses, and Keenan Wynn's comic relief sheriff eventually paying for his prying eyes with his life too. Everything looks perfect for low budget Roger Corman sexploitation, requiring perhaps a minor change from high school to college, yet somehow as a major studio release it failed miserably at the box office. In the director's chair was Frenchman Roger Vadim, making his Hollywood debut, clearly exulting in young, healthy pulchritude in the wake of his divorce from Jane Fonda, though no apparent Brigitte Bardots are among the selected 'Pretty Maids.' Angie Dickinson, at a stunning 38, makes her ample presence felt to a charming degree as she helps to cure Ponce of his shyness, the kind of hands on approach that adolescent males always yearned for but never got. The soundtrack features a theme song that appears in two different versions, Lalo Schifrin's "Chilly Winds" (lyrics by Mike Curb) rendered by The Osmonds as a soft ballad during the opening credits (issued as the B-side of "Double Lovin'" from their album HOMEMADE), a more rocking take with 13 year old Donny more prominent for the closing credits. What an eclectic collection of talent, and a genuine oddity that Quentin Tarantino continues to hold in high regard.
Review of Pretty Maids All in a Row
