Ninja Destroyer (1986) Poster

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6/10
Godfrey Ho's at it again!
HaemovoreRex23 April 2006
That legendary master of the Z-Grade craptacular, Godfrey Ho, brings us yet another cut and splice slice of ninja lunacy!

In the case here, our man Ho delivers the story of a lucrative emerald mine and the various protagonists who are struggling to wrest control of it for their own profitable ends.

Sounds simple enough so far eh? Well believe me, trying to follow all of the characters and their loyalties in this proved to be a bloody Herculean task!

As far as I could discern there were broadly two separate groups vying for control of the mine. However, I'll be quite honest and state that even having just watched this film, I haven't a clue who was allied to which group and/or who the good guys (if there were indeed any) were - This really is THAT confusing!

Also of much perplexity, the main hero (of sorts) in this seems to spend the entire film getting beaten up and subsequently being held captive by each group in turn.

Yes indeed, as is very usually the case in these type of films, the original movie is, shall we say politely, somewhat less than engaging i.e a pile of old crap.

But of course, no one really cares about the original films.....no, it's the newly edited in ninja shenanigans that matter here!

Fans of bad acting will instantly delight to know that perennial Z-Movie favourite Stuart Smith stars in this as Michael, an ex Green Beret who is (we're expected to believe) controlling one of the groups in the original film. And boy, is our man Smith on form here....he's overacting to glory as though his very life depended on it!

As fate would have it, Michael is also a ninja(!) and seeing this as the case, the CIA send in one of Michael's Green Beret comrades, Byron (Bruce Baron) to apprehend him. But wait! - Byron also happens to be a ninja to!.....My god, is this merely a coincidence or is everyone in America a ninja nowadays?!

One of the most enjoyable aspects here is the inept manner in which these ninja segments are clumsily edited into the main film. Of particular mirth are the scenes in which Smith and Baron's characters 'interact' with characters from the original movie......to call these scenes awkward would be putting it mildly!

The best bit in the film though, as is always the case with these movies, is the climatic showdown between the hero and his nemesis. During this scene, Smith manages to throw in a great final speech which involves a great many choice expletives! Our man Baron, obviously taking great exception to this contumelious outburst (and in addition, especially to being referred to as a 'Rambo'(!!!) promptly sends Smith to the afterlife with a particularly nifty final move.

What can I say? - Aside from the boring Emerald mine plot (which sadly makes up the bulk of the movie) this is typically great Godfrey Ho fun. For fans of bad movies this is well worth a view......everyone else however, would be best advised to give this a wide berth.
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10/10
I would like to type a proper review for this film, but......
General "Buck" Turgidson7 October 2000
I'm too busy running, flipping, making crossbows and non-related weapons appear out of thin air, covering up my face, flipping some more, and rolling around behind a shield like an idiot.

After that I plan to practice my smirks after flipping and integrating a totally non related asian drug cartel plotline that has absolutely nothing to do with the somewhat mind numbing American footage.

Now before i type anymore I have to practice my Ninja cartwheels!
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6/10
Highly absurd ninja action.
tarbosh2200016 December 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Attempting to describe the plot of a Godfrey Ho film is very much like playing a game of Jenga, so hopefully this can happen without anything falling to pieces...apparently an old lady's late husband left her a lucrative gem mine. "Rebels" in the area want to take control of the mine, so an agent named Chester takes a job there to go undercover and get information about said rebels, which are led by a man named Michael. These baddies are terrorizing villagers near the Thailand border, so an American Captain named Byron (who is "The Best", naturally) attempts to take control of the situation. He has history with Michael due to their military service, but Michael defected to the baddies. Then the ninjas come parading in, led by a White guy named Harold, who has a compound where he trains his fellows in the Ninja arts. Harold wants control of a gem mine run by a girl named Julie, and there is a group known as the Black Knights who also want gem mine money - all leading up to ninjas flipping around in the air for a while. What the heck is going on? Godfrey Ho nuttiness abounds with yet another ridiculous, silly, nonsensical, but not un-worthwhile VHS ninja fest. If you're familiar with his work, this is very much in keeping with the rest of his catalogue. If you're not, expect to be confused, but reasonably entertained. Many of Ho's trademarks are present and accounted for: loud dubbing from people with implacable, quasi-British-but-not-really-sounding accents, White guys in strange "ninja" outfits, fast, gravity-defying choreography, many scenes in forests, the time-honored headband that says "ninja" on it, the stop-on-a-dime ending, and of course the Final Field Fight.

But while the trademarks are here, it's certainly not a case of "seen one, seen 'em all", because there are always new things Mr. Ho is throwing at our faces. This time around, it's an almost Phantom Soldiers (1987)-style raid on a village, with many exploding huts and guard-tower falls (you gotta feel sorry for those guys in the guard towers - they must know they're going to come flailing down from their post at some point). Of course, a scene like this wouldn't be complete without at least one guy screaming while shooting his machine gun. Also there are a lot more horses in this scene, and later on, than in other Ho movies. Another difference comes during the aforementioned FFF, where graffiti is seen on a wall saying "Body Rock" and "Break". While Breakin' (1984) is an integral part of ninja tradition, it's fascinating to think Godfrey Ho and his compatriots were watching Chilly D do his thang and that it was a possible influence. We would love to see a Ho-directed dance movie from the 80's.

There's someone listed in the credits whose name is Boston Ram. This is an actual person's name. A tip to any potential parents with the last name Ram: Boston makes a great first name for either a boy or a girl. Anyway, Ninja Destroyer is a broken pinata of scenes of mindless shooting, an impenetrable plot line, and what we're all here to see, highly absurd ninja action. If this mixture appeals to you, by all means seek out Ninja Destroyer.
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