Duck, You Sucker! (1971)

James Coburn: John H. Mallory

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Quotes 

• Juan Miranda : What's that?

  John H. Mallory : It's a map.

  [Juan lies down on top of it] 

  John H. Mallory : It's your country you're lyin' all over, there!

  Juan Miranda : [drowsily]  Hm-hm. Not my country. My country's... me and my family.

  John H. Mallory : Well, your country's also Huerta, the governor, the landlords... Günther Ruiz and his locusts... this little revolution we're having here.

  Juan Miranda : [alert]  A revolution? "Little revolution"? Please, don't try to tell me about revolution! I know all about the revolutions and how they start! The people that read the books, they go to the people that don't read the books, and say "Ho-ho! The time has come to have a change, eh?"

  John H. Mallory : Shhhh...

  Juan Miranda : [mimicking John]  Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, SHIT, SHUSH! I know what I am talking about when I am talking about revolutions! The people who read the books go to the people who can't read the books, the poor people, and say, "We have to have a change." So, the poor people make the change, ah? And then, the people who read the books, they all sit around the big polished tables, and they talk and talk and talk and eat and eat and eat, eh? But what has happened to the poor people? THEY ARE DEAD! That's your revolution! Sh... so, please... don't tell me about revolutions. And what happens afterwards? The same fucking thing starts all over again!

  John H. Mallory : [exhales]  Whew. Hmmm.

  [throws a book he was reading into the mud: Mikhael A. Bakunin, The Patriotism] 

• John H. Mallory : [to Dr. Villega]  When I started using dynamite... I believed in... many things, all of it! Now, I believe only in dynamite. I don't judge you, Villega. I did that only... once in my life. Get shovellin'.

• John H. Mallory : Where there's revolution there's confusion, and when there's confusion, a man who knows what he wants stands a good chance of getting it.

• [John opens his coat to reveal the explosives he carries] 

  John H. Mallory : You pull that trigger and shoot me, I fall. And if I fall... they'll have to alter all the maps.

• [repeated line, right before something explodes] 

  John H. Mallory : Duck, you sucker!

• John H. Mallory : Say, which way is it to Lucanina?

  Juan Miranda : Fuck you! Go find it yourself!

  John H. Mallory : Ah hahahaha!

  Juan Miranda : Mexico is big, but for you it is going to be very big!

• [Juan runs to escape a horde of revolutionaries, but is grabbed by John] 

  John H. Mallory : Where are you goin', for Christ's sake?

  Juan Miranda : I don't know. I don't know, but something's wrong! I went into the bank. But when I go in the bank, there's nothing there, no money, nothing.

  John H. Mallory : Oh, well, the bank and the money were transferred to Mexico City over a month ago. Well, they've been using this place for a political prison ever since.

  [Juan suddenly cocks his gun at John, who chuckles] 

  Juan Miranda : What do you mean, a political prison?

  John H. Mallory : Well, I never said a thing about money. All I asked you was if you wanted to get inside.

  Juan Miranda : But you know that this bank is my life! This is my dream!

  John H. Mallory : Well, the reality of that is... you just liberated a hundred and fifty patriots through sheer courage in the face of danger.

  [giggles] 

  John H. Mallory : Ah, yes... you're a grand hero of the revolution now. Viva Miranda.

  [the cheering crowd lifts Juan onto its shoulders] 

  Juan Miranda : I don't wanna be a hero! All I want is the money, the money!

  John H. Mallory : VIVA MIRANDA!

  Juan Miranda : You taught me one thing!

  John H. Mallory : [laughing]  What?

  Juan Miranda : How to get FUCKED!

  [gives John the finger] 

• Dr. Villega : Not everybody can fight. There are those who must organize, coordinate.

  Sean Mallory : Yes, yes. Of course!

• Juan Miranda : You've come here to join the Revolution?

  John H. Mallory : No. No, one was enough for me.

• Dr. Villega : I see. You've already judged and condemned me.

  [John doesn't answer] 

  Dr. Villega : That's why you've brought me with you. To kill me. It's easy to judge. Have you ever been tortured? Are you sure you wouldn't talk? I was sure. And yet I talked. Some men died because of me. What should I do? Kill myself? Why? The dead remain dead but me, I have not changed. I still believe in the same things. I can continue to serve the cause!

  John H. Mallory : Shut up, Villega! Shut up, for Christ's sake.

• Juan Miranda : What kinda work you do for the German? Listen, I asked you a question. What do you do for the German?

  John H. Mallory : I've been looking for silver.

  Juan Miranda : Silver? You know something? I don't understand you. I don't understand how you waste your time and your holy water looking for silver. To me, that's a sin.

  John H. Mallory : Do you have any better ideas?

  Juan Miranda : Si, I think gold is better than silver.

  John H. Mallory : Ah, there isn't any gold in these hills.

  Juan Miranda : Oh ho, yes there is! In Mesa Verde.

  John H. Mallory : Mesa Verde? It's a city.

  Juan Miranda : Of course it's a city! Who ever heard of having a bank in the country, huh?

  John H. Mallory : Uh huh. A bank?

  Juan Miranda : Not "a bank." *The bank!* The most beautiful, wonderful, fantastic, gorgeous, magnificent bank in the whole world! When you stand before the bank and you see it has the gates of gold, like it was the gates of heaven. And when you go inside, everything, *everything* is gold! Gold spittoons, gold handles, and money, money, money is everywhere. And you know, I know 'cause I saw this when I was eight years old. I went there with my father. He tried to rob the bank, but they caught him. But they will never catch me, eh, Papa?

  Papa Miranda : Right.

  Juan Miranda : Listen, Firecracker. Now you listen to me... listen, why don't you come with me, eh? And we will work together... and we will become rich.

  [chuckles] 

  Juan Miranda : What the hell is your name?

  John H. Mallory : [wearily]  Seán...

  Juan Miranda : What?

  John H. Mallory : John.

  Juan Miranda : What is your name?

  John H. Mallory : John.

  Juan Miranda : [laughs]  That's fantastic, that is incredible, eh! My name is Juan and yours is John! It's Juan and John, eh? Heh, heh!

  John H. Mallory : So what?

  Juan Miranda : What do you mean, "So what?" Can't you understand that is... that is... the... oh... ah... destiny.

  [John remembers his girlfriend and friend] 

• Juan Miranda : Hey, what kind of trouble you in?

  John H. Mallory : Oh, we had a wee fart of a revolution in Ireland.

  Juan Miranda : A revolution? Seems to me the revolutions are all over the world. You know, they're like the *crabs*! We had a revolution here. When it started, all the brave people went in it, and what it did to them was terrible. Pancho Villa, the best bandit chief in the world, you know that? This man had two balls like the bull. He went in the revolution as a great bandit. When he came out, he came out as what? Nothing. A general, huh? That, to me, is the bullshit!

• Juan Miranda : Listen, Günther Ruiz is after us, and now Villa wants to talk to me, I think we should get outta here.

  Sean Mallory : [puffing on cigar]  Well, Jesus, Juan-o, you can't leave now, you're a great, grand, glorious hero of the revolution.

  Juan Miranda : Uh, can I tell you something?

  Sean Mallory : What?

  Juan Miranda : [whispering]  Fuck you.

• [repeated line] 

  John H. Mallory : Jesus, for chrissake!

• Dr. Villega : When the enemy is busy on four fronts, we'll move against our real objective. Do we still agree?

  [John nods] 

  Dr. Villega : You'll need men.

  John H. Mallory : I only need one man.

  Dr. Villega : One?

  John H. Mallory : Sí.

  Dr. Villega : [gestures to Juan]  Him.

  [John nods] 

  Juan Miranda : [exasperated]  "Him"? "Him"? What is with this "him"? Him, whom? Who him, huh? TO DO WHAT? That's what I wanna know!

  John H. Mallory : To attack the bank.

  Juan Miranda : [thinking they want him to commit a robbery]  The bank? Oh, w-w-w-w-w-w-we will take care of the bank. That's why we're here, so don't worry about that!

  Dr. Villega : Well, then... what can I say? Except... I hope you make it.

  [shakes Juan's hand] 

  Juan Miranda : Me too. And him!

• [the other revolutionaries have left while Juan and John defend the bridge] 

  Juan Miranda : Listen, when they are out of sight, we will make a run for it. ¿Sí?

  [John doesn't respond] 

  Juan Miranda : No? You can't mean to stay here? All those explosions must have gone to your head!

  [whispering] 

  Juan Miranda : Remember: John and Juan? America. The millions. No?

  John H. Mallory : No.

  Juan Miranda : I don't understand you! I thought you made some kind of a trick so we can get out of here - what can the two of us do against those locusts?

  John H. Mallory : Oh, you'd be doing me a great favor if you'd leave! If it's a choice I'd have to make between a chicken thief, and riddin' the world of a few uniforms... I'll not be choosin' the chicken thief.

  Juan Miranda : O-kay. O-kay!

  [begins to walk away] 

  Juan Miranda : NO!

  [laughs] 

  Juan Miranda : Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You will like that, uh? Well, you listen to me, you Irish piece of shit! You think you're the only man in the world who has the balls to stay? Well, you are wrong! 'Cause I - have - the - balls - and - I - stay!

• John H. Mallory : [interrupting Miranda's babbling]  Oh, jesus christ, will you shut up and go and fix my motorcycle!

  Juan Miranda : Okay... okay... . anything you say ... firecracker!

• John H. Mallory : Who are those people inside?

  Juan Miranda : [stepping on the explosive plunger]  You mean, who WERE those people inside?

• John H. Mallory : Where there's confusion, a man who know what he wants, stands a good chance of gettin' it.