The Romance of the Vampires (1994) Poster

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5/10
Too much romance, not enough horror.
BA_Harrison7 February 2021
With a title like Romance of the Vampires, I figured this would be a sappy gothic tale of tragic love beyond the grave, light on the horror and heavy on the sentimentality, and I wasn't far off. The excessive mushiness of the romance is quite overbearing, but at least director Ricky Lau had the sense to throw in some sizzling sex scenes to break up the mawkishness.

Ben Lam and Mondi Yau play Fung and Moon, a vampire couple who like to play with their food, having sex with their victims before draining them of blood. When Fung encounters blind escort girl Rainbow (Yvonne Hung Yung), who is saving her money for an operation on her eyes (her blindness caused by a violent ex, played by Billy Chow), the vampire develops feelings for his dinner and makes love to her, which makes Moon jealous.

Lau's film also features a fair amount of comedy of the type that I find desperately unfunny (I've always struggled with Asian humour), most of it courtesy of Louis Siu Cheung Yuen as Cheung, Rainbow's wacky bodyguard, who also has feelings for the blind girl. Cheung's silliness is tough going, with his rap about different makes of TVs being the comedic lowlight.

The schmaltzy ending sees Fung willing to sacrifice himself for love, walking into sunlight to end the conflict between Moon and Rainbow; however, he is rescued by Cheung, who only wants happiness for the woman he loves. Gack! As it happens, crispy fried Fung's blood is the cure for Rainbow's blindness, which only adds to the over-sentimentality.

Able to see again, Rainbow visits Fung, and has sex with him again, after which he and Moon decide to call it quits and get some vitamin D.

4.5/10, rounded up to 5 for the occasional raunchy scene.
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