User Reviews

It's typical of this film that it's makers made absolutely no attempt at making the actor playing Salman Rushdie look remotely like the original.

Thirty years ago papers held their hands up in horror at the existence of this nonsense; with Rushdie now in hospital on a ventilator in Pennsylvania I thought I'd see if it was on Youtube and not for the first time was struck by the love of both muslims and Americans for explosions and gunplay.

The trio of guerillas take so long to finish off their quarry it seems as if Allah got as tired at waiting as the audience and finally directly intervened, zapping him with airborne Korans; which raises the question of why he didn't simply do it himself straight away?

Look, sometimes even I just don't know. Back in 1990, Salman Rushdie was targeted for death and it was all people talked about and his bok The Satanic Verses was available everywhere and got way bigger than it would have been otherwise. I mean, my parents bought a copy.

Three brothers - a cop and two low level bad guys - lose their sister to the outbreak of violence in the protests over the book, so they decide to avenge her and Islam's honor by hunting down and killing Rushdie. They're the good guys.

Rushie is a Bond supervillain who wants to destroy so that he can build casinos, nightclubs and brothels around the world. He's also hiding in the Philippines where the Israeli Army guards him but can't stop God, as three Quaran appear in the sky and lighting strike him to Hell.

So what did Rushdie himself think of a movie where three goofballs dress as Batman to come and kill him? After it was banned in the UK, he asked for that to be overturned, saying "As a writer, I am opposed in principle to the use of the archaic criminal laws of blasphemy, sedition and criminal libel against creative works, even in the case of a film which quite plainly vilifies me."

It's also 2 hours and 48 minutes out of your life.

This epic creation made headlines when the British censors refused to allow it a certificate thus officially banning the film outright along with the infamous video nasties. However a month later, following a letter by Salman Rushdie himself, the ban was lifted and Gorillay became perhaps the first film from Lollywood to be screened on mainstream British television.

The film is a fabulous concoction and shows the Islamic world tottering on the brink of an abyss. Rushdie is leading the assault on Islam with his Satanic Verses and is targeting Pakistan (the "fortress" of modern day Islam) because once mighty Pakistan is dealt with, the rest of the Islamic world will hardly stand a chance. Rushdie plans to drive the final nails into the coffin of Islam by opening a new chain of Casino's and Disco's spreading contemptible vice and debauchery. Mustafa Qureshi, hen pecked to death by his demented wife, decides to call it a day with his day job at the Police station and induct his unemployed brothers to create a Mujahid (God's soldiers) trio whose sole aim is to seek out and destroy the despised Salman Rushdie before he manages to destroy all virtue and decency on the planet. The trio have a personal axe to grind as their beloved family cherub was recently slaughtered by Rushdie's men while protesting Satanic Verses.

Mustafa Qureshi is quite superb as the vengeful elder brother and leader of the Mujahids. Ghulam Mohiuddin delivers a typically charismatic performance, charged with raw power and brooding machismo (!). Javed Shaikh is at his very best - meaning barely tolerable, but it is Gulloo who shines with his spectacular dialogue delivery. Neeli provides a little sparkle and delivers her punch lines with oomph and vigour. Babra plays Dolly, the evil English henchwoman of Rushdie who eventually sees the light and embraces the righteous path in a spectacular scene of dazzling special effects that will have Hollywood turning green with envy. Salman Rushdie, played with great relish by Afzal Khan is of course a man of unsurpassed evil and tortures his hapless victims by forcing them to listen to chapters from his fatwa-inducing book! - a fate worse than death itself.

The film is maniacal high farce and a laugh-a-minute caper as the three Mujahids go undercover to try to discover the evasive Rushdie even showing up in Batman outfits on one occasion to outwit their nemesis…….very appropriate undercover gear as surely nobody would find it at all odd to see three rather portly middle aged men wandering around in Bat-suits! There are numerous spectacular fight sequences with tons of stunts, explosions and rocket launching in evidence. Neeli and Babra perform some rather atrocious dances to dire sub-disco numbers…..though Madame Noor Jehan is irresistible when she coos "Oh no" in that inimitable sultry manner of hers. The film moves along at a rollicking pace and sizzles with its sheer intensity and dynamism. The direction is sledgehammer subtle as is the norm for Punjabi cinema and the one-liners have to be delivered slowly and deliberately and sometimes even three times in a row so as to not miss their point! A quite masterful and brilliantly opportunistic film that manages to expertly fictionalize the entire Salman Rushdie Satanic Rites issue and present it as a demented pseudo-religious fairy tale - a stroke of rare genius. An historic Lollywood masterwork not to be missed at any cost.

I love this crap movie. Never in my life have i seen something as bizarrely done than this Pakistan Lollywood story about an evil Salman Rushdie who wants to kill every Muslim in the world, starting with infiltrating Pakistan in allegiance with some weird looking Pakistani gangsters and a Jewish army guy, whose sister may or may not be teaming up with the good guy Muslims. The first time we meet the good guys, they are actually robbers. We see one of them fall down through a roof and spraying some weird stuff from a spray can onto the evil owners of a night club that has deadly exploding floor, and then there is some lame dancing while the head bad guy of the night club wonders what the hell is happening. I was shifting very much from being glad and depressed when seeing this movie, because the editing with music and a lot of movie clips from different angles have been edited so bad and so quickly, that you may think that the movie makers were on drugs. But it is a hell of a lot fun. So many bizarre scenes, also the scene where Salman Rushdie appears as 4 clones of himself, but the movie makers just copied the same footage and showed it 4 times....primitive and fun movie-making, and then the good jihad warriors show up in Batman-costumes to battle with Salman. The ending is also very special. Salman vs flying Korans shooting laser beams..... A must see for people that love bad movies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all, this Pakistani film is incredibly entertaining - even clocking in at a bladder-challenging two hours and forty six minutes. Secondly, it is immensely problematic, as it condones the assassination of Salman Rushdie. Finally, it is almost impossible to take its commitment to this theme seriously, as the film is laden with broad comedy, music, mayhem, bloodshed, and sexy women (though there is no nudity). I'd love to know how the film's producers squared their apparent devotion to the Muslim faith with complete disinterest in producing a film respectful of the religion. I am compelled to conclude that the apostasy of Rushdie was merely an exploitable element used by director Jan Mohammed and writer Nasir Adib to make big money for producer Sajjad Gul. In other words, this ain't no art film, and it certainly isn't a serious attempt to engage with Rushdie's arguments or the counter-arguments against him.