User Reviews

Errrruuuugh. That's the sound I made when I sat down to write this review and it's the closest I can come to expressing both my feelings toward and the quality of The Utopian Society. There are thousands and thousands of people toiling away in the lower reaches of show business, each thinking they're just as good as the biggest stars in entertainment. Every so often those strivers come together to make a film in the hopes of proving it to the world and, especially, the studios. What usually results is a movie like this which only proves that the closest they should come to stardom is valet parking Morgan Fairchild's car at the Washington Correspondents Dinner.

Despite all indications, like the DVD cover and it being listed on IMDb.com as a comedy, this is actually a drama. I actually think someone might be eligible for prosecution under truth-in-advertising laws because you can't even argue that The Utopian Society is a comedy. It's not just unfunny, and boy is it that, but it starts with serious-looking opening credits and never deviates from that tone. Sure, there's a couple of seconds here and there where pitiful attempts at humor occur, but there are also moments of laughs in films like Scarface, Terms of Endearment and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. That doesn't make them comedies, though all three of them are far funnier than this offal. Leatherface is like a combination of Jon Stewart and Jim Carey compared to The Utopian Society.

And I especially wouldn't advise any struggling actors to watch this thing. Malin Ackerman is one of the stars here and you might think seeing her in such humble beginnings and knowing she goes on to be in some major films would be encouraging. The problem with that is Ackerman is neither more talented nor all that more attractive than any other member of the cast. There's nothing here to indicate she would go on to any more success than the other actors, which only suggests the reasons why some performers rise and others don't are completely arbitrary and irrational.

The story is about 6 college students who have one night to finish a paper on creating a perfect civilization. Now, you might think that premise would have something to do with what happens in the movie, that the interactions of the characters and the conflicts and resolutions between them would be connected through analogy or metaphor with the idea of a Utopian society. You might think that, but you would be wrong. It's just a conceit to get these people stuck together for the length of this motion picture. As for these people, they are clichés straight out of the half-price cliché sale at Idiot Screenplays R' Us. There's the sorority bitch (Malin Ackerman), the hippie chick (Sam Doumit), the nerd (Kelvin Yu), the frat boy (Austin Nichols), the jock (Kristin Ariza) and the activist poseur (Mat Hostetler). And because they were half-price, each clichéd character has an equally clichéd secret about themselves that's supposed to make the other characters and the audience question their assumptions. The only question I have is how low are the IQs of writer Jason Preston and director John P. Aguirre.

This film is a bunch of talking in various cheap locations. Nothing of any interest is said and none of it is said in any interesting way. None of it looks any better than your average bad sitcom on Comedy Central. There's also no nudity, no profanity I can recall and the only supposedly adult subject matter in the story would have seemed tame in an Afterschool Special 25 years ago.

The Utopian Society is an abject failure in all ways. I don't understand how the people making it didn't give up before they were halfway through because there's no way they didn't see how badly it was turning out. If they did it because they wanted to be famous, they'd have been better off breaking into Paris Hilton's house. At least that might have gotten them a few minutes on E! News. And if you ever think about watching this film, you should go break into Paris Hilton's house. What you'll read on the wall of your cell will be more enjoyable, even if you're getting sodomized while reading it.