Bewitched (TV Series)
Driving Is the Only Way to Fly (1965)
Elizabeth Montgomery: Samantha Stephens
Photos
Quotes
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Darrin Stephens : This is the gear selector. P is for Park. R, Reverse. N, Neutral. D, Drive. L, Low. You try it?
Samantha Stephens : P for Park. R for Reverse. N, Neutral. D, Drive. L for Low.
Darrin Stephens : Now we'll start with neutral...
Samantha Stephens : Did I get them all right?
Darrin Stephens : Yes.
Samantha Stephens : I bet you thought I wouldn't, because I'm so nervous.
Darrin Stephens : May I continue? Neutral is...
Samantha Stephens : Please do, I'm sorry I interrupted.
Darrin Stephens : Neutral is...
Samantha Stephens : [interrupts] It won't happen again.
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Darrin Stephens : Neutral is where you place the lever when you wanna start the car.
Samantha Stephens : How come it isn't called S or SC?
Darrin Stephens : I don't know. Next, you go to drive. Drive is where you put the lever when you wanna go forward.
Samantha Stephens : In that case, why don't they call it F?
Darrin Stephens : Because they don't.
Samantha Stephens : Darrin, that's no answer. If you want me to understand, you have to explain.
Darrin Stephens : Excuse me. I don't know why they don't call it F.
Samantha Stephens : That's better.
Darrin Stephens : Low is infrequently used, so we'll table that for later discussion. We'll go directly to Reverse. Can you guess what Reverse is for?
Samantha Stephens : For reversing lanes in traffic.
Darrin Stephens : Wrong. For going backward.
Samantha Stephens : Backward should be B. These initials are illogical.
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Darrin Stephens : Having mastered the gear positions, here's the ignition key. They call it ignition, because it ignites the engine.
Samantha Stephens : The engine ignites? Isn't that dangerous?
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Samantha Stephens : The lesson is over. I am going into the H, for House.
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Darrin Stephens : [Darrin calls Samantha from work] Hello, sweetheart, this is your husband, D.
Samantha Stephens : D for Dearest, or D for Darling?
Darrin Stephens : D for Dumb.
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Samantha Stephens : My name is Samantha Stephens. Aren't you gonna tell me yours?
Harold Harold : Harold Harold here.
Samantha Stephens : Hello, hello there.
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Samantha Stephens : Would you like to join me for a cup of coffee?
Harold Harold : Do you think we can both fit?
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Samantha Stephens : How do you take it?
Harold Harold : Black. One third of a cup.
Samantha Stephens : Why only a third?
Harold Harold : To protect the carpet.
Samantha Stephens : [Harold shakes the coffee cup as Samantha gives it to him] I see what you mean.
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Samantha Stephens : Mr. Harold. How long have you been an instructor?
Harold Harold : Three gruelling weeks.
Samantha Stephens : What did you do before that?
Harold Harold : Well, last month I was a cashier in a pizza parlour. And the month before, I was an apprentice plumber. And the month before that, I was a cheap shoe salesman.
Samantha Stephens : Four jobs in four months?
Harold Harold : I have four brothers-in-law who take turns hiring and firing me. It's a vicious circle. And that's why I tend to be insecure.
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Samantha Stephens : [Samantha is being taught how to drive by the pantophobic Harold Harold] How am I doing?
Harold Harold : How to phrase it tactfully - You are rotten!
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Samantha Stephens : After all, why should I learn how to drive, when I already know how to fly?
Darrin Stephens : We've already been through all this. You should learn to drive because the way you fly is for the birds.
Samantha Stephens : Look at it this way: I get where I wanna go faster, I save money on gas and oil and I always find a parking space.