"Falcon Crest" The Good, the Bad, and the Profane (TV Episode 1982) Poster

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Wedding Bell Blues
JasonDanielBaker14 March 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Given 90 days to to court and marry local wine heiress Melissa Agretti (Ana Alicia), Lance (Lorenzo Lamas) has resigned himself to his fate whilst hoping something will happen to stop it. A weak young man with no work ethic who has never had to live without luxury he remains his grandmother Angela's pet peacock trotted out to do her bidding no matter how menial and degrading.

Lance sees Melissa for what she is - a materialistic sex addict with a childish mean streak (takes one to know one). He has been around complicated women his whole life growing up at Falcon Crest. Melissa is the worst kind in that she is not only complicated but enjoys causing complications. He has to marry her. He doesn't have to love her or even like her. But the pretense of couplehood is essential to both his inheritance and his trust-fund.

Melissa's father demands the same from her with fully the same reprisal. Even after having dinner with the whole Falcon Crest household including Lance's alcoholic mother Julia (Abby Dalton) and his crazy Aunt Emma (Margaret Ladd), Carlo Agretti (Carlos Romero) remains firm. As an Italian émigré, the gross porn-star name of his future son-in-law "Lance Cumson" (And what were the writers thinking naming him that?) perhaps did not immediately strike him as sounding as nasty as it does in English.

Melissa, several weeks pregnant has no evident inclination to inform her prospective fiancé of her condition. The father to be? None other than the closest thing he has ever had to an archrival - his cousin Cole Gioberti (William Moses). As for wedding gifts what do you get the woman who's had everyone? A case of penicillin and some syringes perhaps? Cole's dark, angry side and capacity for violence are brought to the surface without even knowing Melissa is carrying his child. After she tells him she is marrying Lance he heads straight for Falcon Crest and confronts his cousin ominously warning him "You'll regret this!" which is a tad ironic considering Lance already does regret it along with every passing moment he has spent with Melissa.

When he gets angry or feels threatened there is this intense look in his eye which alludes back to his problems with the police. It is a crazy look that his Aunt Angela and his father Chase sometimes get too. It is the look Jason Gioberti had in his eyes before he died when he struggled with Turner Bates in the winery. I call it the "Gioberti Death-Glare". He gets it here again as he watches the love of his life wed his hated cousin.

They really drew this whole marriage thing out for such a long time as to make it anti-climactic. Lance kept refusing so often in episodes preceding his actual wedding it became irritating. By the time we actually see them married it is kind of a relief even though the pairing can only lead to disaster.

Every effort was made to have the Giobertis come off as rich people without discernible snobbery or prejudice. Here we see Chase dressed the same as his vineyard foreman Gus as his daughter Vickie (Jamie Rose) decides to elope with Gus's son Mario.
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