Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker

Quotes 

• Archie Bunker : [discussing their bedroom problems]  Ain't I always there? When you're in the mood?

  Edith Bunker : Yeah, Archie, and even when I ain't.

  Archie Bunker : Even when you ain't, how lucky can you get?

  Edith Bunker : I know. I was always lucky about that.

  Archie Bunker : Certainly you was always lucky about that.

  Edith Bunker : Even before we was married.

  Archie Bunker : Who'd you get lucky with before we was married?

  Edith Bunker : No, Archie, I didn't mean that. I mean that before we was married I had a long talk with my mother, see?

  [Archie visibly cringes] 

  Edith Bunker : And she said to me that there was one thing about marriage that I wasn't gonna like, but it was a wife's duty, and I thought she was talking about doing the laundry, cause that's the only part about marriage that wasn't no fun.

  Archie Bunker : Is this gonna be long, Edith?

  Edith Bunker : No. So when I got pregnant...

  Archie Bunker : Not a nice word, not a nice word.

  Edith Bunker : When I got 'in the family way' with Gloria...

  Archie Bunker : Better, better, better, yeah.

  Edith Bunker : My mother said to me 'I see you're doing your duty as a wife', and I knew what she meant! And I didn't have the heart to tell her

  [grins, blushes] 

  Edith Bunker : that I liked it.

  Archie Bunker : [stunned]  But you should have told the old lady that! I mean maybe she would've given me some kind of respect.

• Archie Bunker : [Mike's stammering]  Listen to this guy "UUHH UUHH" he sounds like a seal with his throat cut. Come on, spit it out.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Well lately there hasn't been much blushing in this family and I don't mean me and Gloria. Figure it out. I'm so embarrassed!

• Edith Bunker : Archie, do I make you happy?

  Archie Bunker : Do you make me happy? Edith. You make me happy in every way.

  [winks at her, then glances upstairs] 

  Archie Bunker : When it comes to making a guy happy, YOU wrote the book.

  Edith Bunker : The book!

  [suddenly realizes he didn't mean the sex book and starts to laugh] 

• Archie Bunker : [Going through the mail]  Well, let's see what we got here. Oh, heating oil here. Well, that means more money for the "A-rabs," then they run around the world buyin' up all the hotels, all the gambling joints, which means more money for the Mafia. And then we got here the gas and electric. Well, that's more money for Consolidated Edison, they go runnin' around tearing up the streets of New York, which means more money for the Teamsters, which is another way of saying more money for the Mafia. And then we got the telephone here, AT&T, American Thives and Thugs... which is another way of sayin' more money for the Mafia.