Modern Family (TV Series)
Diamond in the Rough (2012)
Jesse Tyler Ferguson: Mitchell Pritchett
Photos
Quotes
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Cameron Tucker : Mitchell, do you know what I've realized?
Mitchell Pritchett : That some thoughts are better left unexpressed?
Cameron Tucker : No. That in this relationship, I'm the gas pedal and you're the brakes.
Mitchell Pritchett : Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Last week, you said that you were the painting and I was the frame.
Cameron Tucker : That's if we were artwork. This is if we were a car.
Mitchell Pritchett : I know what part you'd be if we were a horse.
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Mitchell Pritchett : It's amazing, I mean, there's that little bump in the middle
[pointing at the pitcher's mound]
Mitchell Pritchett : , but other than that...
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Phil Dunphy : Yeah, I was pretty ticked off that Mitchell double-crossed my double-cross. And then he stopped taking my calls, and so I sent him the following carefully-worded text: "U suck."
Mitchell Pritchett : I could tell Phil felt pretty hurt and betrayed, so I responded. "How r u gonna cheerlead your way out this one, Buffy?"
Phil Dunphy : [texting back and forth] We both know this house thing is a disaster.
Mitchell Pritchett : Then say something, or I will. I don't care if you tell Cam...
Cameron Tucker : "I threw out that hideous sweater"? I spent months knitting that "hideous" sweater.
Claire Dunphy : Yeah.
Cameron Tucker : W... how are we seeing this?
Claire Dunphy : They're using the group text from yesterday. They have no idea these are even coming to me.
Cameron Tucker : Okay.
Claire Dunphy : [getting an alert] Oh. Here's another one. "We need to shut this house thing down without them knowing it's us"? Oh! Well...
[texting]
Claire Dunphy : "2 late."
Phil Dunphy : Uh-oh.
Mitchell Pritchett : Oh! No, that... that's bad.
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Cameron Tucker : Phil, you think it's a good idea, right?
Phil Dunphy : Totally.
Claire Dunphy : Yes. And you know we can handle it, right?
Phil Dunphy : I think you guys can handle anything.
Cameron Tucker : Aw.
Claire Dunphy : Yeah. And you go talk to him. You're a professional. He respects you.
Phil Dunphy : Okay. Give us some space. I'll go talk him into it.
Claire Dunphy : All right.
Phil Dunphy : All right?
Claire Dunphy , Cameron Tucker : Okay.
Phil Dunphy : [approaching Mitchell] Listen... there's no way we're letting them do this.
Mitchell Pritchett : I know, right?
Phil Dunphy : They are not equipped to take this on. We might as well flush our savings down my boring old toilet.
Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, you are really bitter about that.
Phil Dunphy : [gesturing to make it look like he's pleading] It's the one thing I asked for. Don't sit on your sunglasses.
[quietly to Cam and Claire]
Phil Dunphy : Sorry guys.
["dropping" his keys and getting on his knees]
Phil Dunphy : Whoops. Just to be clear, though. Under no circumstances are we letting them do this?
Mitchell Pritchett : I am totally with you.
Phil Dunphy : Okay, you stay here. I'll go break the bad news.
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Cameron Tucker : Claire and I bring you this great opportunity, and you stop it cold. I guess that's what brakes do.
Mitchell Pritchett : You know what brakes also do? They keep you from driving off cliffs.
Cameron Tucker : Maybe they're not cliffs. Maybe they're ramps, ready to launch us into new, exciting vistas.
Mitchell Pritchett : I am not the only one against this whole house thing. Phil doesn't want it, either.
Cameron Tucker : You keep saying that, but I find that very, very hard to believe. Phil supports Claire. Phil is a cheerleader. Why can't you be more like Phil?
Mitchell Pritchett : [in testimonial interviews] And then it hit me. I could be exactly like Phil. I could pretend to be on board, forcing the cheerleader to be the bad guy. I know it's underhanded, but that's the way I throw.
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Cameron Tucker : If the four of us go in on this together, we can minimize the risk.
Claire Dunphy : Mm-hmm.
Mitchell Pritchett : Or if none of us do it, we can eliminate the risk altogether, because none of you know anything about flipping houses.
Cameron Tucker : Okay, well, we already have it figured out. I'm gonna be the designer, because I know about colors and shapes.
Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah, so does Lily.
Claire Dunphy : I'm gonna be the contractor.
Mitchell Pritchett : And I'm gonna be the astronaut. Oh, this is fun. Phil, you go.
Claire Dunphy : Mitchell, I am serious. I have overseen lots of projects in our home. I oversaw the remodel of our bathroom. Under budget. Right, Phil?
Phil Dunphy : Yeah. I was a little disappointed we didn't go for the butt-washing toilet, but otherwise...
Claire Dunphy : You can wash your own butt for free.
Phil Dunphy : Well, that's not the same, is it?
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Phil Dunphy : Sorry, guys. Not gonna happen.
Cameron Tucker : Yeah, well, maybe if...
Phil Dunphy : I would drop it. It is not worth the fight. Come on, Claire.
[ushering her into the car]
Phil Dunphy : The faster we leave, the less it's gonna hurt. Hop in. Yep.
Claire Dunphy : Why does it have to be like this?
Phil Dunphy : I don't know. He's your brother. Buckled up? Good.
Mitchell Pritchett : [chasing after them as they drive away] Oh, no, no, no! No, no, I see what you're doing! He doesn't want this, either!
Phil Dunphy : Little radio?
Claire Dunphy : Sure.
Mitchell Pritchett : Phil! Claire!
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Mitchell Pritchett : Claire, Phil doesn't want the house, either, all right? He's letting me take the fall. He's a liar.
Phil Dunphy : And a clever one.
Mitchell Pritchett : [groaning in frustration] Argh! How long do you think you can keep this from her? All right? I'm gonna talk to her eventually.
Phil Dunphy : Well, as long as we're swapping stories, maybe I'll tell Cam what happened to the sweater he knit for you.
Mitchell Pritchett : [flashback to six months earlier; while riding in the car with Phil, an itchy sweater is bothering him] I can't. I can't! I can't! I can't do it! I can't take this stupid thing anymore!
[taking it off and throwing it out the window]
Mitchell Pritchett : It was stolen out of the car. Do you understand me?
Phil Dunphy : Got it.
Mitchell Pritchett : [back in the present] That is low.
Phil Dunphy : I know. Don't be mad at me. That said, I suggest you lose this number.
[cut to testimonial interviews]
Phil Dunphy : I'm not proud of what I did, but I'm not comfortable squashing people's dreams. I am a cheerleader. I'm the guy on top of the pyramid shouting, "Go, dreams, go!" You know what's not a cheer? "Two, four, six, eight, you are going to fail at this and lose everything we've worked for, Claire!"
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Claire Dunphy : I want us to get that house. I do. But I don't want us to fight.
Cameron Tucker : We're not gonna fight.
Phil Dunphy : Of course not. Probably. I don't know. Will we?
Claire Dunphy : Maybe we just take a beat and think about t.
Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah. I-I guess that couldn't hurt.
Claire Dunphy , Cameron Tucker : Yeah.
Phil Dunphy : Yeah. You guys mean the world to us. I don't want to jeopardize that over a house.
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Phil Dunphy : I think we should go for it. I think we should go for the house.
Cameron Tucker : Really?
Claire Dunphy : Okay, but careful, honey. Don't say something if you don't mean it.
Phil Dunphy : No, I do mean it. I think you two will do a fantastic job.
Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah, I do, too. I'm on board.
Jay Pritchett : On board for what?
Cameron Tucker : Oh, well, the four of us, uh, might go in on a house. Claire and I fix it up and flip it.
Jay Pritchett : That's the worst idea I ever heard.
Cameron Tucker : Okay.
Jay Pritchett : You guys know nothing about construction. You'll make all sorts of mistakes, you'll turn on each other, you'll stop talking, and suddenly I'm doing two dinners a week instead of one because you can't be in the same room. Family and business doesn't mix. Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want. Why do I bother?
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Mitchell Pritchett : Cam, I'm sorry for not supporting you.
Cameron Tucker : What about the sweater?
Mitchell Pritchett : That's unforgivable. I mean, you put all that time and work into it, and I just toss it out the car window.
Cameron Tucker : Tossed it out the car window?
Mitchell Pritchett : I'm forgetting how much you knew.
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Phil Dunphy : Oh, hello, Mitch.
Mitchell Pritchett : Uh, you got Claire flowers?
Phil Dunphy : Yes. I had a little bit of a rough night.
Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah, you and me both.
Lily Tucker-Pritchett : Daddy slept in my room last night.
Mitchell Pritchett : Here, give me some of those.
Phil Dunphy : What? No.
Mitchell Pritchett : [fighting over the bouquet] You got me into this.
Phil Dunphy : Hey, stop! You're breaking them!
Mitchell Pritchett : I need.. I'm not going to Cam empty-handed!
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Phil Dunphy : It's Mrs. Brooks, the lady with the house. Actually, it's good that you called. What?
Claire Dunphy : What happened?
Phil Dunphy : Gil Thorpe just made her an offer.
[cut to testimonial interviews]
Phil Dunphy : We did it!
Claire Dunphy : We bought a house.
Cameron Tucker : It's gonna be great!
Mitchell Pritchett : What could go wrong? Nothing.