Is this the boat that was docked in Florida last December? Or the one permanently moored in Long Beach, California? Either way, get your boarding passes ready and hoist anchors, me matey's. Let's sail these deadly seas and scold ourselves while sipping rickety-rackety royal tea on her majesty's tugboat.
The movie starts out in 1930-something. The last numeral looks Egyptian.
Yeah, this is the boat docked in the shady districts of LA. I believe you're allowed to do sleepovers like a YHA today for a price.
Is this the story of Francis Tumblety, America's answer to Jack the Ripper?
Wow, and I thought 'Pet Cematary: Bloodlines' was in need of some lighting.
The story cuts away from the Halloween party on the boat to a little fella rollin' around Crenshaw Boulevard, and his lisp reminds me of my science teacher in year 10. Why does this little dude have a British accent when his mother's American?
This 30s karaoke singer just pronounced the word substance - soob-stance.
Wasn't this little Lukas dude an Ewok on the forest moon of Endor? The Ewok walks with back pain, even with suspender braces on.
The movie could have extended the courtesy with some times and dates when alternating between the past and the present.
The unmasked Ewok kid was just eliminated from the movie by drowning, while his mother is being guided by the saxophonist from INXS and given a tour of the Queen Mary as she's writing a book. Around the 27-minute mark, the modern-day elitist comes up with this line: "We could capture fascinating details in our book in a wholly original way." In other words, she wants to re-imagine history and have inclusion inserted into Queen Mary's history. Yeah, just twist the facts to suit a modern-day narrative of lies and baloney.
What the hell? The unmasked Ewok drowned just a few minutes ago, yet here he is strolling around eating a frozen snow cone. They don't serve those on this boat! And he's alive again without explanation?
Zorro shows up in a cameo and asks a six-year-old girl for a dance.
The movie's lost me.
The unmasked Ewok drowned at the start, then another subplot has him committing suicide out of a window in the suburbs somewhere in a black-and-white flashback.
From what I can gather, Barry Manilow and Shirley Temple perform some hotfooted jazz tapping, which overheats the boiler room, and this domino effect causes her father to turn into the living dead because the cards he was dealt turned out to be deadly.
All this crap about ghosts on haunted ships is just rubbish. Anyone who's been on a boat for more than two hours knows that the sun hitting the ripples on the water gives you motion sickness to the point of going stir crazy and seeing things.
I'm being persistent with you, movie, but you're not making much sense.
Why is this guy with the ax going all Ashy Slashy for?
Ow, Clair De Lune plays in the background as anarchy cripples the 1930s storyline. Funny how we stereotype that era with crusty old Gramophones.
Hands up, who's ever seen a ghost? And I'm not talking about your Gregorian spirit guide in the astral realm, either. Thought so!
I don't believe in any of that haunted mansion stuff either. Nothing concrete has ever materialized.
Shirley Temple just bought it with a pair of scissors, and the movie needs all this murder in the 30s to happen for the dead souls to roam the bowels of the ship in the present time. I mean, bows.
You're not going to believe this, but the Queen Mary apparently runs on a human battery. It's like 1980's 'Death Ship' in that it needs human blood as a substitute to oil the engines.
At the one hour, 29 minute mark, the hallway lights are on, even though the saxophonist from INXS said earlier that the power's out 'til tomorrow.
And I thought she was writing a book. Never once do you see her with a pad and pen in her hand.
Why is there a sole Nazi on board?
Can anyone else make out what's on screen near the end when the Titanic's sinking? It's so dark that it leaves me questioning what I'm actually looking at.
Okay, so why do the end credits go as long as the movie's running time? And why'd they show them twice? Just to be annoying? Are they trying to hypnotize you with those split credits at the end?
Movies today just leave you hollow, empty, and full of questions.
I'm still trying to figure out why the guy with the ax turned all Evil Dead for no good reason. Surely that tap dance number didn't induce any evil spirits?
Sometimes after I finish watching a movie, I sit in my room for a few minutes staring into nothing, asking questions of reason, and cursing my brain for not being educated enough to decipher motion picture riddles and mysteries.
This movie's truly a riddle box of confusion and poorly planned design.
The movie starts out in 1930-something. The last numeral looks Egyptian.
Yeah, this is the boat docked in the shady districts of LA. I believe you're allowed to do sleepovers like a YHA today for a price.
Is this the story of Francis Tumblety, America's answer to Jack the Ripper?
Wow, and I thought 'Pet Cematary: Bloodlines' was in need of some lighting.
The story cuts away from the Halloween party on the boat to a little fella rollin' around Crenshaw Boulevard, and his lisp reminds me of my science teacher in year 10. Why does this little dude have a British accent when his mother's American?
This 30s karaoke singer just pronounced the word substance - soob-stance.
Wasn't this little Lukas dude an Ewok on the forest moon of Endor? The Ewok walks with back pain, even with suspender braces on.
The movie could have extended the courtesy with some times and dates when alternating between the past and the present.
The unmasked Ewok kid was just eliminated from the movie by drowning, while his mother is being guided by the saxophonist from INXS and given a tour of the Queen Mary as she's writing a book. Around the 27-minute mark, the modern-day elitist comes up with this line: "We could capture fascinating details in our book in a wholly original way." In other words, she wants to re-imagine history and have inclusion inserted into Queen Mary's history. Yeah, just twist the facts to suit a modern-day narrative of lies and baloney.
What the hell? The unmasked Ewok drowned just a few minutes ago, yet here he is strolling around eating a frozen snow cone. They don't serve those on this boat! And he's alive again without explanation?
Zorro shows up in a cameo and asks a six-year-old girl for a dance.
The movie's lost me.
The unmasked Ewok drowned at the start, then another subplot has him committing suicide out of a window in the suburbs somewhere in a black-and-white flashback.
From what I can gather, Barry Manilow and Shirley Temple perform some hotfooted jazz tapping, which overheats the boiler room, and this domino effect causes her father to turn into the living dead because the cards he was dealt turned out to be deadly.
All this crap about ghosts on haunted ships is just rubbish. Anyone who's been on a boat for more than two hours knows that the sun hitting the ripples on the water gives you motion sickness to the point of going stir crazy and seeing things.
I'm being persistent with you, movie, but you're not making much sense.
Why is this guy with the ax going all Ashy Slashy for?
Ow, Clair De Lune plays in the background as anarchy cripples the 1930s storyline. Funny how we stereotype that era with crusty old Gramophones.
Hands up, who's ever seen a ghost? And I'm not talking about your Gregorian spirit guide in the astral realm, either. Thought so!
I don't believe in any of that haunted mansion stuff either. Nothing concrete has ever materialized.
Shirley Temple just bought it with a pair of scissors, and the movie needs all this murder in the 30s to happen for the dead souls to roam the bowels of the ship in the present time. I mean, bows.
You're not going to believe this, but the Queen Mary apparently runs on a human battery. It's like 1980's 'Death Ship' in that it needs human blood as a substitute to oil the engines.
At the one hour, 29 minute mark, the hallway lights are on, even though the saxophonist from INXS said earlier that the power's out 'til tomorrow.
And I thought she was writing a book. Never once do you see her with a pad and pen in her hand.
Why is there a sole Nazi on board?
Can anyone else make out what's on screen near the end when the Titanic's sinking? It's so dark that it leaves me questioning what I'm actually looking at.
Okay, so why do the end credits go as long as the movie's running time? And why'd they show them twice? Just to be annoying? Are they trying to hypnotize you with those split credits at the end?
Movies today just leave you hollow, empty, and full of questions.
I'm still trying to figure out why the guy with the ax turned all Evil Dead for no good reason. Surely that tap dance number didn't induce any evil spirits?
Sometimes after I finish watching a movie, I sit in my room for a few minutes staring into nothing, asking questions of reason, and cursing my brain for not being educated enough to decipher motion picture riddles and mysteries.
This movie's truly a riddle box of confusion and poorly planned design.
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