Review of Ape

Ape (1976)
2/10
King Kong's Korean kousin flips off Army
8 July 2007
Warning: Spoilers
It's the same old story. King Kong's Korean kousin takes time off from stomping toy houses and wrestling rubber sharks and snakes to abduct a scantily clad starlet on a movie set. His intentions are totally misunderstood when he carts her away to his mountain hideaway. However, her screams soon turn to, "be gentle with me, big guy", and another giant ape and hot babe romance is born.

Her honeymoon with the big guy is soon broken up by jealous boyfriend, who steals her back, only to hear, "there was something oddly appealing about the way he held me". Can puny human boyfriend ever compete with a 36 foot ape's appealing grip?

Saddened by the loss of his girl, KKKk takes a hike to Seoul, Korea to see if he can get her back. Not one for polite inquiry, his peeping tom act and rude rooftop razing finally yields his prize blond babe and once again she gets to enjoy an appealing hairy paw ride. The local army brass takes issue with his ill manners, unleashing its most potent weapon, interminable phone conversations designed to bore everyone to death.

In the final battle royale, toy tanks fire their bottle rockets and a squad of infantry bravely charges forward, brandishing their rifle muzzles at the sensitive big guy, who responds with volleys of Styrofoam boulders hurled down sagging wires to smash and somehow blow up toy tanks with lethal 3-D efficiency.

Wrapping it up, the misunderstood big guy succumbs to a hail of fireworks and his babe goes on to make a movie in which she uses him for a rug.

Movie highlights: In the midst of fierce battle our nubby carpeted giant ape takes the time to smugly flip off a tormenting helicopter that crashes into a cliff.
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